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Money This forum is for support with financial issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Lillian (Lilli)
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I've had my fill. :/ - February 15th 2016, 06:22 PM

That's it. I have had my fill of everything. Especially irresponsible people. Last night we got a call from my husbands son (my step son technically) once again asking for money. Him, and his girlfriend decided to go on this big long road trip across the state at the drop of a hat in the middle of the night, and asked us to pay for it. Whether or not my husband gave them any money is beyond me because I wasn't outside when he took the spare tire off of his to truck to give to them. Then, this morning we got news that the girl we are living with is 3000$ behind in rent, and wants to raise our rent that we owe to her up to 500$ a month. Which in the state, and town I live in is A LOT! Our rent right now is 375$ month for the basement of her house that is made into a small two bedroom apartment. We have NOTHING bought for the new baby, and my due date is April 22nd. My husband is becoming very ill, and it could possibly be cancer. I can't work because I have one baby to take care of, and no babysitter. Plus, i'm pregnant with a second one, and i'm high risk. On the plus side I got my tax return from when I babysat my roommates son. It wasn't very much, but it helped on replacing a lot of the stuff that was stolen from me when I moved from my moms. Because I had to leave in a hurry, and only took what little things I could fit in the diaper bag, and my purse. I paid off about 2000$ in medical bills of baby Eli's with his back pay of child support from my husbands disability which took up all of the back pay. So, I had nothing left of it. I'm also still getting hit with medical bills because despite the restraining order against my mom, and lack of my permission she still has insurance on him. I called my Medicaid, and her insurance, and they both told me I have to get a court order to get in dropped which should be effective on March 17th. Thankfully, we have gotten a car that fits 2 car seats in the back of it, and runs well. But, i'm just tired of this. First of all I have already made a HUUUGE thread about my husbands son bumming money off us all the time despite is 1000$ paycheck every two weeks. Plus, using my food stamps, and WIC to buy their groceries. Plus, buying their gas & cigarettes. Plus, financially supporting their irresponsible actions like the spur of the moment, spontaneous, drop of a hat road trips. I'm also EXTEREMLY tired of moving. I've moved 10 times in the past 3 years ,and Eli has moved 4 already, and he isn't every two yet. I'm tired of my home being ripped out from under my feet unexpectedly. I grew up in the same home for 17 years. Then, my dad died, and I had to move to another state two months later. Then, living with my mom & her boyfriend was a domestic violence home. So, I moved across the state with a stranger I met online. Then, I week later I came back in hopes of working things out. Then, I finally moved into my own place because nothing changed with my mom. Then, I moved with my now husband to my home state. Then, he went to jail, and at the time I was pregnant with Eli, and very ill. So, I moved back to my house that I grew up in. Then, I had to move out of there last March because of the issues with my mom. Then, the people I moved in with lost their house because they couldn't pay rent. So, I moved with them into a tiny 2 bedroom, and one bathroom home with 8 people including Eli & I. Then , just recently I got married to Eli's dad, and moved in with him, then we had to move again due to the home we were living in being unsanitary, and filthy because the lady we were renting basically just our bedroom from wouldn't clean up the place. Now, we have to just up & move again unexpectedly. I'm tired of it. I can't get a job, or go to school, or make friends, or go to church anymore because we have to unexpectedly pick & move out of nowhere. I'm married now, and pregnant with my second baby I should have a stable life. I think my babies & I deserve that.


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Re: I've had my fill. :/ - February 16th 2016, 02:49 PM

Hey there Lilli,

First I wanted to let you know I've moved your thread to the sub-forum of Lifestyle to the Finances where it's best suited for your questions.

I am curious as I read what is going on for you, a question popped into my head of: have you always helped others financially? I know your step-son has been asking for money a lot and you and your husband have been both helping him, have you put your foot down with your step-son to tell him he is responsible for his own financial outcome. I'm not sure how comfortable you would feel in talking with your husband about it, I'm not sure how old your step-son is but if he is old enough to drive he should be old enough to have a job.

It might be a hard conversation to have. As you mentioned you have a baby and another is on the way. Both of you need to take care of your children and I know your husbands son is his child and you are a step-mom to him, however, he needs to know how to budget and to budget he needs a job. Every once in awhile asking for financial support is okay but abusing it, doesn't help.

You mentioned your landlord is increasing the rent, are you able to talk to a housing agency who deal with the laws around it. Your landlord might be doing something illegal and talking with someone who knows the laws inside-out can bring some stress down for you.

It sounds like you want a stable home and everyone needs a stable home. What would be your ideal stable home? What would it look like? Would it have enough room so you aren't crowded? How much would that look like for you financially and would that cost be in you monthly budget?

I know moving a lot isn't something anyone wants to do, finding a stable home to call home and stay at, will lesson the stress. I am not sure if you are able to look for a new place or not.

As for lending money to your step-son which put you in financial distress you need to look at if you are able to still help him, I know it may seem you have financial responsibilities for him but on the other hand, you can set a limit for how much he can receive when he is in financial need. You should also set a limit, for instance; if he is able to get a job but doesn't want one, you can explain to him he needs to have a job in order to get a income. He can always apply for assistance. He shouldn't be coming to you all the time for financial help when he is able to work but doesn't want to work. A limit for an example could be $200 every 2 months, or $100 every month. This way setting the rules for him, he can understand them. You can set this as low or high as you like, or are able to financially.

I know this would be a hard conversation to have with your husband but it's something you should be doing because it's putting both of you in a financial place that isn't good.

I hope this was helpful, if you need anything you are more than welcome to PM me or write back and let us know how things are going.

Take Care.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I've had my fill. :/ - February 16th 2016, 06:34 PM

I have tried talking about it with both my husband, and him. But, I always get called a jealous drama queen. He does have a job. He gets a 1000$ paycheck every two weeks, but buys a bunch of cars he doesn't need with it. His girlfriend qualifies for all kinds of assistance considering she has no income, but she thinks she's too good for it. Also, I don't work, and can't due to being pregnant, and having a baby without a sitter. I have NEVER given any of my money to either of my step sons. I have given them money that my husband gave me because I didn't feel like I had the right to keep it from them because technically it wasn't my own money. It wad husbands. It, I'm tired of stuff being given to us then taken away because of his spoiled sons. Thanks for the reply though!


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Re: I've had my fill. :/ - February 26th 2016, 11:13 PM

That sounds really tough :/ Are you definitely receiving any benefits you're entitled to? Can you try to talk to your husband about his son again? If the son has a job and is old enough to look after himself, he should be supporting himself. There's a difference between helping him out if he truly got into financial trouble, and paying for his things and his luxuries when he's just being irresponsible. It's not selfish of you not to give him the money especially as you have your own financial troubles.


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