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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amorphous. Offline
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Being Mean. - April 23rd 2012, 06:11 AM

I hate being a nice guy. I know that makes no sense at all but I hate being a tolerant guy and sweet person to people when they find it so hard to return the favour.

Is it worth it being less tolerant? Time to stop being Mr. Nice Guy? I have lost the respect of some of my people at my school. I don't want to change but people have to be able to take me seriously at least!

Is it time to be mean?

How else do you get people to take you seriously? By changing my attitude, I communicate that I don't appreciate what they do or say and they can not do or say it.

Actually tell me, how can people take me seriously or respect me?

Hamed Khatiz.


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And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being Mean. - April 23rd 2012, 08:18 AM

I think there is a difference between being a 'nice guy' and having respect for people. When people think of nice guys they often think of guys that can be taken advantage of and let people walk all over them. People need to earn respect and I think perhaps you need to show people that if they don't deserve your 'niceness' then they don't get it. I don't think that you should be mean, but try to show people that you are assertive and have the confidence to deal with them.


Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!


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Re: Being Mean. - April 24th 2012, 12:23 AM

Its never time to be mean. Being mean does not make life easier, it just makes you more bitter and nobody will want to be around you. It sounds like people have been taking advantage of you when you are nice to them. How have they not returned the favor? Have they just not been respectful of you even though you are respectful to them? You gotta realise also too like I said on someone elses post, its not really about people returning the favor. Its about you knowing you did the right thing or that you helped someone, not because you want something back, but because you wanted to. Sure, it would be nice if people repaid you, but if they don't, its fine. As long as they aren't rude to you or don't respect you. Even if they are, its always better to be kind to them although its def. hard to do so.


   
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Re: Being Mean. - April 24th 2012, 08:57 PM

Being "mean" is the worst possible course of action. All that will be accomplished is that you will lose the respect of those who already care about you. Be assertive and outspoken when needed and follow through with your actions.

Personally, I used to have a big problem with people constantly interrupting me when I was saying something. Now when it happens I just butt right back in and say "Hey, do you mind? I was trying to speak." Being nice doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to stand up for yourself.


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Re: Being Mean. - April 24th 2012, 10:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital Crusader View Post
Being "mean" is the worst possible course of action. All that will be accomplished is that you will lose the respect of those who already care about you. Be assertive and outspoken when needed and follow through with your actions.

Personally, I used to have a big problem with people constantly interrupting me when I was saying something. Now when it happens I just butt right back in and say "Hey, do you mind? I was trying to speak." Being nice doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to stand up for yourself.
Is there a like button? Hahaha, thanks, big boy


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
   
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Re: Being Mean. - April 25th 2012, 05:04 AM

I consider myself to be a "nice guy," and I'm proud of it.

I used to have the same problem you did, but eventually you have to realize that you deserve nothing for being a nice guy. This is the real world. You're not entitled to anything.

So why am I a nice guy? I'm nice because I want to be, and it's just the right thing to do. It makes me feel good. If people notice, great. If not, that's fine too. Be nice because you want to be, not because you're expecting some kind of special treatment or reward.

But don't get this mixed up with letting someone walk all over you. To put it less gracefully: Be a nice guy, but don't be a pussy.
   
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Re: Being Mean. - April 25th 2012, 08:03 AM

The truth is: you need a bit of both...

You need to be Mr. Nice Guy simply because you need people to want to approach you. You want to be approachable... There's nothing worse than being the person no one wants to talk to because you're mean, short - tempered, or even feared. That's not the way you want to go. Guys won't want to be your friend, and girls won't want to approach you; you could end up alone.

At the same time, you do not need to be that tolerant. There should be a line you should repeatedly draw as to how much you can take. You should be able to take teasing and minor insults from friends/buddies but you should draw the line when you find yourself get bullied or seriously insulted. You don't want to be the pushover.

If you can learn to use the right mix of each of these then you may end up being very well liked as well as respected. It's up to you to find this out and use it however as it's not something I can just write out for you.

Good luck! Carpe Diem.


Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
   
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Re: Being Mean. - April 25th 2012, 02:12 PM

You can be a nice person, but stand your ground and have self confidence.. don't let others bring you down.
   
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Re: Being Mean. - April 27th 2012, 01:52 AM

The trick is that you have to be confident and assertive. That doesn't mean you can't still be a nice guy. No one will respect you anymore if you're just a dick. A balance is what's important.


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Re: Being Mean. - April 27th 2012, 08:58 AM

If you suddenly switch from Mr. Nice Guy to Mr. Major Dick, everyone is going to notice the change in behaviour and people are going to find it rather confusing. You're going to lose the respect of your friends and peers who admire you even if they don't return the favour of being nice and tolerant. The people who are already mean will view you as a poser or perhaps you'll befriend them, either way, it's a lose-lose situation. Depending how far you take your mean guy persona, you'll mistake fear for respect.

Being nice and tolerant probably earns you some respect already, however, if you're not assertive or confident, you'll probably appear to be a flake (or whatever other metaphor you wish to use). If you keep your tolerance and continue to be nice while being more confident and a bit more assertive, you'll probably see the results you want. There's a crucial balance between the two though that you're going to have to figure out on your own. The best way would be to observe individuals who gain more overt respect at your school to see how they carry themselves.

You'll often find that the more you maintain this ideal balance under stressful circumstances when others are watching, the more respect you'll gain. A perfect example at school would be standing up to a person who is bullying someone else. If you start a fight, you'll get 15 seconds of respect but that's it, instead promote your tolerance, don't engage physically, don't back down and try to end it as quickly and peacefully as possible. It's not something many people would do, especially when many students fear the bully (or group of bullies). When you gain the respect of others, your current friends are going to be in limbo and ideally, you'd want to maintain those relationships while still forging new ones. Once that happens, the ladies or attractive guys are going to waltz over to you, depending how you swing.

Lastly, using a false persona or manipulation can work to achieve the goals you want. I'm not advocating them, instead, try to avoid using them. Don't be assertive and self-confident only around bullies, then return to your meek self. If you want to change, then you have to commit to it inside and outside of school. Remember to give time for people to adjust to the new you, don't expect to receive immense respect and roses right away.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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Last edited by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!; April 27th 2012 at 09:04 AM.
   
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