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How to overcome feelings of jealousy? - April 9th 2017, 04:55 AM

This is something that has been bottled up in me for a while. So I am a first year student at UNI and I admit, haven't exactly been totally social(pretty introverted and shy). Back in HS, I did get teased and made fun of lot by my friends(hindsight i should've left but you know the whole people say, oh it's a joke and I wish I did leave earlier) There was this one guy who did it a lot and time to time but he eventually stopped and it did stop as well. Anyway, that guy left the group to become 'cooler' and hang out with other people. See the thing is, I did feel jealous of him due to that( he even got a gf) alongside kind of holding a grudge against him for all the teasing(he never formally apologized). Even now, he still post pics online and seeing it, it makes me feel jealous still and just mad, that this guy was a jerk and look where he got now with a huge crowd of friends still. I know I should move on but I am having trouble doing it. Any advice?
   
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Re: How to overcome feelings of jealousy? - April 9th 2017, 09:53 AM

Sorry to hear that you got teased and made fun of by so-called-friends. That would get you down, and it's understandable that you would feel jealous of the guy who teased you who left the group and seemingly became more 'popular'. I think it's good to remember though that just because someone may have loads of friends, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are good friends or that this guy is liked by everyone.

I'm wondering how you would feel about unfollowing this person on social media? It can be good to focus on your life and make changes to things that can help you to feel happier about yourself, rather than worry about what this other guy is doing. Also, people tend to post only the positive stuff online so what you see is very biased and the reality could be quite different.


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Re: How to overcome feelings of jealousy? - April 9th 2017, 11:35 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you were teased by people who were supposed to be friends. I understand that you might feel jealous that this guy treated you so badly and is managing to do well in his life. I know it's difficult but try not to focus on those things, the more you focus on the things that he has the worse you are going to end up feeling. People do change, maybe this guy has changed, maybe he hasn't but ultimately if he still behaves in the same kind of way then people will notice his behaviour and hopefully those people will cut him off if he isn't a nice person. People do change though.

Try to focus on your own life, it could be an idea to remove this guy from social media, as you might be tempted to peak and see what he is doing. It doesn't sound like it is helping you in moving on from things.

I wish you the best of luck,
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Re: How to overcome feelings of jealousy? - April 9th 2017, 08:44 PM

Hey there!

It's great to see you talking about this after having bottled it up for awhile, although I'm sorry to hear you have been teased often by your friends in high school. Even when they state that it is a joke, it doesn't feel like a joke and it isn't funny; it hurts. When you are teased, it can sometimes create conflict when you think about leaving. You're afraid of the teasing escalating since they are saying it is a joke if you leave, as well as not having friends but at the same time it is affecting you negatively since they do not seem to be true friends.

Considering the fact that he left the group to hang out with other people for the purpose of becoming "cooler" proves he is not a true friend if he only spends time with people who will further his reputation. It questions his character too if he saw nothing wrong with his actions and in turn, never apologized. Therefore, if his friendships are not built upon trust, care and respect, who is to say his relationship is genuinely built upon love and respect? Just because he has a big crowd of friends, and is in a relationship doesn't mean it is all genuine. The question is, if he was suddenly put in a bad spot in his life and needed support, and wasn't "cool" anymore, would his friends be there for him? Could he truly count on them in times of difficulty? Would his girlfriend stick by him? He may not have gotten as far as he appears to be.

Friendships built on reputation usually do not last through the tests of true friendships, whereas as you go through life you will stumble upon people who are interested in a friendship for the right reasons and it will last even through the difficult times. On that note, there's nothing wrong with not being social, and being shy/an introvert. And as you find more understanding, kind people, they won't judge you on that fact but rather respect you for who you are and try to offer encouragement to you; that is what you deserve.

Reminding yourself that just because one appears to have many friends, like him for instance, it doesn't always mean genuine friendship exists in that circle. His friends may be similar to him, or there may be people similar to you in that circle who are being teased so it may not be a healthy environment. Aside from reminding yourself of that, I suggest unfollowing him from social media sites as well as blocking him because seeing pictures only brings up negative memories and thoughts for you, and it's unfair to do that to yourself, you know? Unfollowing and blocking him could be a helpful first step towards moving on.

Take care and feel free to continue reaching out to us anytime. I hope things look up soon!
   
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