Help/advice needed for school

[msfsteven]

Every year I have the fear of going to school, not knowing where to sit at lunch, not having any friends to speak to in and out of class... I'm not involved in any clubs or sports, because there isn't really much I'm interesting in. Sure I may have a few friends, but lunch groups are split up and it's rare that anyone that likes me is in any of my classes. I don't want another lonely year as a sophomore in high school next year... any advice on how to make friends better, or how to get past remaining alone in school?

[Carpe Diem]

Hey there!

I used to have the same problem in my gr 8/9 years, I just want to let you know that with effort, you can make what you want from your school year.

You said you have a few friends, and that they're split up in lunch groups.. Why don't you pick your closest one, and sit with him/her at lunch? You can make friends with his/her friends, thus expanding your friend circle! I can guarantee you that nothing bad's gonna happen, especially if you're chilling with them every lunch. Eventually, they'll consider you as part of the crew, and start to call you up to things other than school just wait. You already got the hardest part down - having a reason to sit with them (your friend), now all you gotta do is talk and be friendly!

For in-class, it's normally the easiest to talk with your closest neighbors. Ask them what they got for question _ for example. Maybe you could try and relate it to the class discussion to make it seem natural. I can't really make a plan for you, but I can assure you that no one is going to get mad for being nice to them. Just be confident and talk; treat them as if they were your friends and you'll start to feel like you can crack jokes in just a few days I assure you!

Where did you get the assumption that people don't like you? Just because some people don't talk to you doesn't mean they don't like you. Sometimes, people are there for you to talk to them.

If you feel like joining clubs could be a good way to reach some people you want to talk to, then thoroughly look at all the clubs. Most high schools have A LOT of clubs so maybe you haven't seen all of them. Does your school have a club fair or something? Maybe that could get you interested in something. Asking a councilor for advice could help too. If you can't find ANYTHING, then why don't you try something new? Most clubs have people who are trying it for the first time, and actually come to like it.. Why don't you try something you feel could really interest you in the future or that fits your personality?

Good luck with this even though you don't need it. It's all in the mind. I promise that as soon as you start trying to make friends, you'll make them.

Carpe Diem.

[msfsteven]

Hello, I really liked your advice, Carpe and I'll keep what you said in mind.

But, my friends consist mostly of girls, and girls at my school do not like sitting with guys unless they're dating them.
One of my guy friends is becoming distant from me because he gets too hyper and bothers me. My other guy friend only sits with nerds, and when I sit at that table I don't have anything in common with them, and the tables are usually full, so you have to get there before others arrive to actually have a seat.

That is where I sat last year, but I can't stand worrying about where I sit at lunch, it's too tedious.
Back in class, I do try to socialize and most people find me funny, but when it's time to find partners and group up I'm usually the one left out.
Maybe I'm just not approaching people the right way?

[Carpe Diem]

I'm glad I sort of helped :P

If you feel like you don't have anything in common with your current friends, then you could always try and find new ones. For example, you could try asking someone you really get along with in class if you could chill with them at lunch/recess. At first, you're right, it most probably will feel tense, but after a few times, they will start recognizing you as part of the group, even asking you why you weren't there if in any case, you don't show up.

Everything after that will start to come easier. People in your class will start to ask you if you want to partner up and so on. They just aren't asking you now because they don't feel that close to you at the moment. Once that changes, you'll see, that won't be a problem anymore.

It does seem like you're having a compatibility issue with your friends at the moment. They just don't feel like they're similar to you anymore, and I want you to know that it's normal. I also completely switched friend groups in high school, not because I didn't like my friends, but because we were now growing apart due to the different things we were now liking, and the different cliques people were now identifying us with. It's normal to want to find new friends (as long as it's not THAT often), but it's up to you to make them. Just go and socialize/be friendly, and ask to chill with them, and eventually it will all come into place, trust me!

[Heartlines.]

Hello there! I understand how difficult it can be to make friends in high school. High school can be a hard time in ones life, for a multiple of reasons. Managing relationships with people can be difficult, but at the same time, building relationships can be just as difficult. I know this may be something you don't want to hear, but in order to make friends, you have to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. that can be really hard, and it may be even harder knowing how to do that. At lunch time, or in classes, why don't you try striking up conversations with people? Ask open ended questions, that lead to an in depth conversation, rather than close ended questions (yes or no questions), because that could be a conversation kill. I know you said there are no clubs you're interested in, but may try joining one anyways. The more involved you get, the more people get to know you. And also, the more you feel surrounded by people and not so alone.

Take care!

[msfsteven]

Thanks. A lot of people know me in school, and it there isn't a whole lot of people. I've probably talked to about 70% of the people in my current lunch group. There's just... not a regular table with just average people. You sit with nerds, emos, preps, jocks, or a few gangsters. That's just how I feel.
I'm not like a super quiet person, I mean I usually talk to the people in my class, and try making friends with whoever possible. This past freshman year, I kind of toned down, less talking and less telling jokes.
I was involved in a quinceanera, friends with a popular girl. It mostly consisted of popular people. There I met another popular girl.. and then a few people in my other classes heard about me in the quinceanera. I'm always invited to them now, but I never go because I know most people don't like me and I didn't really have anyone I could trust to hangout there with. IDK if I'm boring, annoying, mean, or what. But I know I have a problem with making friends, I mean that's the only conclusion I've come to.

[Carpe Diem]

It's all in the mind buddy, try letting go and not be so critical of yourself.