So the time has come.

[.Lee.]

Wow. It has been a long LONG journey to now.

*rewinds*

I believe I joined TH in 2002? But it could have been 2004? Though I'm pretty sure I joined before I moved out of my mom's, so I would be it was 02 because I moved out in 04. Could have been 03.

Regardless, it's been a long time.

I just wanted to share because some of you may remember what my life was like when I joined.

There used to be posts and stuff to look at...it's all erased now. Part of me is super glad (not going to lie...maybe it's better that it's gone..)

I was SO young..so naive..so lost and broken and goodness. I was not a happy little girl..to say the very least.

I hurt myself for a long time, sufferred in silence(and on here) for a long time. I was pretty damn miserable, and I made the people around me pretty damn miserable. Until I was about sixteen, I was just downright mean, nasty and generally unpleasant. I was just really not happy.(when I look back on it..thats what I remember. I don't remember all the reasons why...I just remember being miserable)

There was a lot of shit, there still is a lot of shit, that made my life the way it was. There's still stuff I haven't dealt with, that just lies there, dormant. But it's cleverly disguised and I am doing very well

On that note, TH, you saved my life more than once when I was going through those times.
(thank you)

Now I am a well adjusted 19 year old living in a world I never thought I'd make it in. I have a fantastic job working at The Horse Barn (which is a tack and apparel store) (I also jsut got a raise yesterday, clap clap!) I have a car, (and even though it's the same beater from three years ago, well, I have a car!) I pay my bills, I hang out with my friends. I suffer from bouts of hating my job(but..well...if you don't know this already, you will someday, so I might as well spill now. No matter how much you love your job.there will be days you hate it)

But now, I am able to accept that kind of thing, deal with the job hating days and wake up the next day and not carry it over. One bad day does not have to equal two bad days or a bad week.

Stuff happens. I am all right with that, and it's a huge part of why life is so much different now, so much better. When I accepted that I couldn't change the world, it became much MUCH easier to deal with the world.

People have accepted me in all the different areas of my life. From work to my friends to strangers in the grocery store. And you want to know why?

Because I accepted myself. Plain and simple. Thats what it boils down to.

Sure, I have days. Sure, I know Im not perfect. Sometimes, I wish I was a little different.

The difference is, instead of dwelling on how I'm not what I want to be, I change what I can, and I deal with what I can't. Sure, I still run a little harder when Im having a fat day, and sometimes, I feel like not the fittest person in the world. But I KNOW I am doing everthing healthy and RIGHT for my body, rather than punishing it and doing all sorts of awful things. I eat what I should, I lie a healthy life. I play sports and run around with my friends and just as a general rule am may happier with the way things are.

I've never felt so alive. So accepting of what I've been given, willing to make what I can of it. Sure I'm not perfect. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally.

But I am what I am, and thats not so bad. I was blessed, and I am learning to embrace that.

It's been a long road. But if you had asked me even two years ago if I'd be where I am today, I would have laughed at you.

Functioning wasn't a word I was comfortable with.

Now I function and I LOVE it.

And me. I learned to love and accept and embrace me. It made a world of difference.


On that note. If there's one thing that I can encourage in everybody, it's accepting who you are. And knowing where it's okay to make changes. People used to try to convince me I was just fine the way I was and that I just needed to deal with it. They were wrong. I had a lot of stuff I needed to change. I just needed to realize what needed changing and what needed accepting. If you take care of yourself and treat yourself right, it's much MUCH easier to love yourself.

Give it a shot. You never know!

[moyshi239]

This is a very beautiful post,.Lee. I'm glad you've posted this because it shows everyone that recovery is possible, even when they can't see an end to it. You've come a very long way, and you should be proud of yourself for being able to accept yourself for who you are. Your story is inspiring and I believe it will make people think about their own lives and how they can make the changes to improve it. :]

[LetGodArise]

It's great that you got so much help and have recovered as much as you say! It's really inspiring for anyone else, and for me because I, quite frankly, can't wait until I can get a car and stuff like that, so I can imagine how exciting it must have been for you :P It's amazing to hear, and I hope that you continue like this!