Slowly but surely turning my life around

[xxpaigiexx]

For the last... 4 years I have been a mess and getting to where I am now was not easy but slowly but surely I am getting there.

I suffered sexual abuse between the ages of 6 and 9. I'm going through counselling now through choice and sorting that. I'm tackling it and it's not as bad as I thought it was. I know not everything is going to be plain sailing, it still hurts to talk about but it's better than not speaking about it.

I've been depressed for a while... but I am pulling myself back out of that. I am getting happier. It's not an over night achievement it's not something that has been easy and I still have days when I feel depressed.

Since the age of 12 I have had troubles with self-harm, I've both cut and burnt myself. Not something I am proud of but it's not something I try to lie or cover up. So far I've been clean for a
round 4 months and no that's not amazing but it's the longest I've gone in a while but the urges are getting less frequent and I am getting there and who know's if in a year I can still say I'm clean but right now 4 months is brilliant and it's something in myself I feel proud of.

Age 14 I tried commiting suicide.
Well close to it. I was giving up on life.
I forgot about all the important things my little sister finding me with all the pills made me see sense... her crying telling me not to do it woke me up. I saw what I was becoming and decided no to suicide.
Suicide was something that plagued me.
AT 14. You've barely lived your life at 14.

I have abused alcohol and drugs. I used them as a self-harm and for a while I did feel like I was on top of the world... but I wasn't because when I wasn't drinking, taking drugs or self-harming I was in a pit. I didn't feel like I had anything because those were the priorites in my life. I realised how bad I was getting and started cleaning up my act. I've not done drugs in... well 5 or 6 months, I'm still drinking but in moderation. I don't drink to get out of my face I drink for the enjoyment of it and I don't have to be drunk or high to have a good time. I can have a good time just me and my friends... I don't need all that shit.

The worst of all.
I abused my body and mutilated it.
I'll probably always be ill because of my drinking... I doubt my body will recover from that and the scars are always going to be there not just physically but mentally because even if others can't see them, I always will and that's a constant reminder of MY stupidity no one else is to blame. Me myself and I.

I have 3 main support systems.
2 of my best friends and my counsellor.
They are all wonderful and put up with my shit. I can sit down and tell any of them exactly what's on my mind and I know I won't be judged.

So no I'm not recovered but I'm getting there and yes I probably will relapse but, it happens and I'm not going to let it set me back.

[moyshi239]

Hey Paige,
It takes strength to decide to recover. You've seen alot, been through alot, and you're still standing. You're still here, fighting. It's true that things like this don't get better overnight. These things will always stay with you, but use them to grow off of and become a stronger person.
I'm glad you've got people you can rely on. It really helps when you've got someone you can trust and you know they'll listen and not think anything different of you. I'm sure a some people can relate to certain parts of your story, and hopefully you inspire them to change for the better. :]