Triggering: My road to improvement, please don't judge me

[Nutty Nat]

So i'm an 18 year old girl, recently well friday to be exact my programme leader and head of departmant in college had a review with me to let me know that my 1st year animal management course i am doing extremely well on to the point that they told me i am an outstanding student and i have improved rapidly from last year. That wasn't going to be possible after my past according to anyone that was working with me from school staff, counsellor, youth offending team,youth workers,family, court, police, i proved all these people wrong. In 2004 i got in trouble for GBH, worked with counsellor, got a warning due to my young age, and had to work with the youth offending team and youth workers. From 2004 to 2006 i just got into fights, protected my friends and basically was a *****, was picking drugs up for "friends". 2006 I was getting on the straight path into behaving i was just traunting on the odd occassion normally just P.E. and Graphics, so i was in spanish doing some coursework in the small computar room and was with some friends, my friends went bk to the class to get help on their work and i stayed in the room on my own (big mistake), a guy from the year above walked in and was talking to me for abit, he sat down behind me i still carried on doing my work while chatting for abit, he went quiet so i did too he came over and put his hands over my breasts and gropped me. I dug my nails in and got him off me when i had his hands off me a friend walked in and the guy promptly left. Me shaking slightly friend asked what happened i didn't say anything, the teacher came in shortly after and was helping friends with their work, i sat there like nothing had happened just doin my work. At the end of the lesson i then spoke to my teacher and told her what had happened, it was basically investigated but the deputy head took the lads side and told me i was lying etc, so i threw chairs,pens, books at him and walked off with the statements that people have given, the head teacher,deputy and assistand heads all came after me to sort me out as i had the statements and i had been violent to a member of staff. They then had me excluded yet the guy got nothing so i just continued misbehaving and getting into serious bother. The guy continued trying to threaten me in and out of school so i basically stopped going to school for 3 months. The guy left school because he was/is an asylum seeker so he moved elsewhere. I came back after i had found out he had gone, i got bullied by various people and school and parents were sticking together so i knew i couldn't go home that night so i grabbed a stanley knife from the technology block in school and wanted to kill myself with it as i had enough by this stage, the deputy that didn't believe me about the guy happened to be one of the many staff (10 staff) that tried calming me down i asked him to leave me alone and he didn't so i shouted at him, and pointed the knife towards him, at this point they had moved away so i put the knife in my pocket and ran off. They had called the police by this stage without my knowledge so after i had run off and some members of staff had followed me i looked up the road and there was various police officers at this point i got scared got the knife out and pointed it at the police getting them to keep back, one of my favourite teachers had got invovled at this stage and was talking to me and tying to calm me down, i let him get close and put the knife down at my side, he came up and hugged me, the police took this as an opportunity to come forward towards us i noticed let go of the teacher and he let go of me so i ran again, this time throwing the knife onto the floor. At this stage more police turned up and cornered me and basically took me down to the ground by force. Head told them to fetch me into school to talk so we went into school the police searched my bag,my coat and my pockets for anything else that was dangerous which i didn't have. so they then left me and the head to discuss why i had done everything, she told me i didn't need to act like that and i was going to have to go on a programme for troubled teens and sort myself out then she would accept me back if i made good progress. so i gt took away in the police car into the police station and parents were called and told about the incident i had to have a police interview and was released but put onto the programme and had to attend, weekly youth offending team meetings, anger management, talk to the teachers invovled and apoligise to them in the staff meeting with two police present, work with youth workers that specialise in youth offenders so that i could build social skills up, make different friends, get me on the right track, i got given a work placement within an animal establishment as thats what i wanted to do in the future so on the condition that i behaved and attended all my sessions they let me do that (got a job out of this too), had to see images of knife injuries not that i was going to hurt him i wanted to hurt myself but they were stopping me. In 2008 March i returned back to school sorted my life out i had stopped self harming,stopped everything to do with drugs, stopped drinking alcohol, was in a relationship, had a work placement still with a saturday job out of it, and had the trust back with the teachers. Only attended school 3 days a week, 1 day in placement and 1 day with youth offenders, worked on saturday, sunday to myself. By July 2008 i had not got into trouble in school or by law, i was getting decent grades given the circumstances. In july 2009 i had left school with 4.5 A* - C gcses, and no more criminal activities. I then went into college in september and stayed with no criminal activities, i completed my first diploma in animal care with a Merit overall. In 2009 October i was sexually assualted in college, i had counselling again for this on and off for 2 years. I then went on to study Animal Management i have just completed my first year of it and i have got outstanding student award. So currently i have a job, college education and some decent friends. So if anyone is feeling down on their life you can improve it if you put your mind to it. I have fought depression, suicide, losing my twin (still fighting this), bullying, anger issues, and criminal records.
Please everyone don't judge me by this though

[Acheron]

Don't judge you by what? Building yourself a good life, despite what sounds like a fair bit of shit that's come your way? Because if I was hypothetically going to judge you by that, it'd be a pretty good judgement. Suit yourself, though.

[Nutty Nat]

Haha well you can have good judgements but no bad ones, i have been told i shouldn't of got in trouble with the law before but crap happens in life you just have to get on with it and come out ontop after

[Victoria ♥]

Nat, you've come so far and you should be so proud of yourself for that. You've overcome so much and you've done so well to get to where you are today.
This made me smile because i can remember last year when you were really finding things hard. I hope things keep getting better! <3

[Nutty Nat]

Thanks Currently learning to drive too so that when i pass i can go away for at least a week so i can reward myself for all this hard work.

[Imagine]

you have come, such a long way.