I don't know what the point of this is.

[TheBabyEater]

But so, one of the major reasons I haven't been on in forever, and why I'm purple now instead of green or pink or even red in the chatroom, is because I have had like. the most horrible time trying to deal with something that happened years ago in 4th grade. It's all been coming back lately, and I made a lot of mistakes, that still affect me, and very well might never fully "heal."

Anyways, the other night I was at my boyfriends house, and after a great and amazing night of going out to a nice place to eat, walking downtown, getting awesome frozen yogurt, and smoking Purple Haze hookahs with his dad (whom I love :P ) I decided I could not stay silent anymore. I have basically not talked to him in the past few weeks, maybe well over a month. I have not been on here in months either, because I just couldn't stand staying silent and keeping it all inside, especially with him. I felt obliged to tell him, but I couldn't even say a word. Eventually, I blurted it all out. I just talked, and talked, and talked, and it seemed that although my throat was dry as hell, I couldn't stop because I knew I'd started, and he just had to know what happened.

It is amazing to know how much better I felt afterward, after I told him all about the day I was raped. Literally, every little thing I could remember, whether it pertained to the event or not. I'm not "good" by no means, I still struggle, and I'm still not even taking my meds. But, even though I put this in the "good days" threads, as I didn't feel it really would do well in rape and abuse... If anyone is at all thinking about telling someone, if you know you're ready, just do it. It feels like the world is lifted from your shoulders. If not... at least half the burden. For once in a few months, I finally feel free.

[Cabron]

You're so strong and I'm proud of you. <3 You took the first big step towards getting better and you can only go up from here. Congratulations, Marissa.