I am alive again

[LastRedAppleStanding]

Sometimes i still find it hard to decipher, I'm finally whole again with my life and i hope that anyone who suffers with a mental illness like Depression will read this.

I have lived with depression for most of my life without even realising it. I have suffered forever, I cried and i wanted to die. I wrote a letter to my teacher in primary school telling them that i hated life and i wanted to die. I blocked all of my past life out. My mom told me about all of this last year and it didn't even feel like my life. I have been so miserable my whole entire life and i knew this but the word 'Depression' never even entered my mind until i became really ill with it last year.

It went from bad to worse. Even now i have 'mind blocked' most of it out so i'm trying very hard to think of specicfics because i feel that it is vital to tell my story. I don't know how it started but i found out about cutting, And i cut several times a day for two years. I went through 17 months of therapy to get to what i am now. When really i should have started therapy around 7 years ago.

I'm 15 and i already feel like i have lived my whole life. That i have gone through all the shit i could have possibly gone though.


Moving on 17 months and i can tell you that i am cured, Completely.
I have never been this happy in my whole life. I can finally wake up in the morning and look forwards to my life. I have friends, and i have a boy who loves me, He may not have told me yet but i know that we are completely in love with eachother, I'm trying my hardest in school and i am trying to pass my lessons. Bare in mind, i missed out on more than i year of school because my depression stopped me from actually learning. I couldn't fully commit to what i was doing and never payed attention because i was always thinking about when i was next going to cut, or drink, or smoke some weed. And i used to plan how i was going to commit suicide.

Not the kind of things a 13 year old (at the time) should have been thinking about. But i did. I loved my cuts and i was gross. I was like an addict planning my next fix.

But i am finally loving my life again.

I just want to tell you now, if you're going through the same thing as me; It's not fucking easy, in the slightest. But it's so worth it.
To finally love love my life again is all i wanted.

I'm happy. But it took work. And all i'm saying now is that, you need to work for that. Have faith in yourself and take the next step. Come out of your comfort zone and admit that you need help. Get a therapist. I've had around 4 myself and i've never felt so comfortable in all my life because i don't keep my worries to myself anymore. I talk about it, to anyone i can.

You can do it. Because i did. And now i know that i can overcome anything in life.

This is my new beginning and i think it should be yours too.
Make that giant leap.
I can help you do it

[Le bonheur*]

This is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing. <3

[youbetheanchor]

I'm sure a lot of us get by with "oh it will be worth it one day" without ever really believing it. Your story definitely reassured me Thank you