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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Stiena Offline
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Wow, how did I guess? - December 25th 2012, 03:10 PM

How did I guess that my psychotic family wouldn't actually get me anything that I asked for or I'm really interested in? I'm so sick of being treated like shit.. It's obvious none of them know me at all, and if they do, they don't care. I'm not feminine at all, yet they demand I accept and love their feminine, "acceptable", "normal" gifts, all of which I didn't ask for. I was very specific and they would not have been hard to find. It's obvious that you don't care. You'll go out of your way for one child, but of course, not the unwanted bastard.
Why have I put up with your shit for this long? Honestly, I'm getting nothing in return. It's time I packed a backpack and left because I'm gaining nothing by staying. An education isn't worth living in hell.
I'm not becoming normal, and sure as all fuck not for you. Go fuck yourselves.


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 26th 2012, 01:43 AM

I'm really sorry for your hard times during the holidays. I often find that adults (parents, aunts, uncles, etc) sometimes want us to be like them, or want us to be more adult-like, girl-like, boy-like, etc. But in all honesty, thats not who we are. We are who we are because thats how we feel, thats what we want to act like, and that makes us who we are. Don't let them try to force you to be anything you don't want to be. Be who you want to be. I struggled with this situation when I was alittle younger aswell; but eventually they gave up, and they learned to accept me, and learned to love me. Hopefully, with time (and as we get older), your family will do the same; because thats what you deserve (a accepting, loving and caring family).


Best wishes, and Happy Holidays,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 26th 2012, 03:16 AM

I don't really know what my parents want, but I do know that what they want is unachievable. I tried so many times during my childhood to be what people wanted, but it wasn't ever enough. Even living with other people in my brain wasn't enough, and my family is no longer worth pleasing.. I know this, but I wish I could fully believe it.. I don't know why I still feel guilty. It's a plaguing emotion for those who suffer abuse because we want things to be okay, but we know things will never really change... It hurts.


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 26th 2012, 03:59 AM

Holidays can suck. I know it definitely hurt my feelings that not even ONE family member even sent me a card this Christmas.

Keep your head up.
   
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 26th 2012, 09:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiena View Post
I tried so many times during my childhood to be what people wanted, but it wasn't ever enough.
"Being selfish isn't a good thing, but trying to impress everyone is bound to fail".

I don't know who quoted that. It's true though. Rarely is anything good enough for other people.

Ages ago, I stopped expecting any special presents for Christmas. I was a bit of a jerk because I was expecting shit like a new TV, new phone, laptop etc. Now I manage to be reasonably happy with whatever I get... unless it's blatantly obvious that there was very little thought or effort behind it. Still I try to pretend, unless it's truly awful.

Some things just need a bit more money to be spent on them for them to be worthwhile, otherwise it's almost pointless. Not many things like that, and they're for peace's sake better just avoided during Chirstmas. But for example you can't get a good quality, durable, external, shock-proof and water-proof rechargeable torch with 500 or more lumens of power, for 5. Settling for a piece of shitty plastic with batteries in it, a bulb, and Santa's face printed on it, doesn't fly well. Unless it's supposed to be a joke, then everyone can have a laugh. Neither can you get a laptop with an i7 processor, 1 TB hard drive, 8GB RAM, and a reasonably good graphics and sound card, for just 300. If someone "needs" (for whatever reason) a laptop with those specs, and gets as a present something significantly inferior... it doesn't really fly well. Things like that should just be left out of Christmas. Bought on other occasions maybe.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; December 26th 2012 at 10:05 AM.
   
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 26th 2012, 06:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDF View Post
"Being selfish isn't a good thing, but trying to impress everyone is bound to fail".

I don't know who quoted that. It's true though. Rarely is anything good enough for other people.

Ages ago, I stopped expecting any special presents for Christmas. I was a bit of a jerk because I was expecting shit like a new TV, new phone, laptop etc. ...Things like that should just be left out of Christmas. Bought on other occasions maybe.
I agree with you on the first part, but I should clarify that I'm not some spoiled teenage brat who asked for a new phone, a new laptop, and an Ipad. I asked for clothing, and simple stuff like a knife. The only expensive thing I asked for was a small couch for my room. I rarely get anything throughout the year, and usually little to no acknowledgement of my birthday (I'm still in high school, and we're fine financially). I can't think of any way that this could be my fault. I think it just shows that they don't care. Not being mean or rude or anything though; just to clarify haha


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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Re: Wow, how did I guess? - December 27th 2012, 10:43 AM

Hey Christian

I can understand what it feels like when your own family doesn't seem to be accepting who you are. But that doesn't mean that they don't want you to be happy. They are just taking some time to accept the fact that your choices are not what they want them to be. They would have been mean had they not given you anything at all. But they did spend money on your gifts, just that they bought what they think you would/should have liked. My point is that, their sentiments behind these gifts should be acknowledged. Even though these are not the things that you wanted, I am pretty sure that they would have spent some time and effort in thinking about these gifts and buying them for you.

You can calmly talk to one of your family members about this. You can let them know that you appreciate that they went out and bought these gifts for you and that you are thankful to have a family who made an effort to get you gifts for Christmas. (Only if you feel this way ) But this is not the person that you are, you are not feminine and like other things. If you decide to talk to them, don't accuse them because that won't help. If you start telling them that you didn't do this and that for me, it won't get you anywhere. Let them know that you do appreciate the things they have done for you so far.

I hope that this helps.
I am always here if you'd like to talk about anything.
Take care



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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