Triggering (SH): Parents. ._.

[Catharsis.]

*aliens guy gesture*

As much as I respect and adore my parents, I personally find it incredulous that the people who raised me to be honest and virtuous, fail to uphold such values themselves. Like, seriously, Mam, why tell me that you want to help me recover and I can talk to you about anything blah blah blah when you treat me like this?

To explain, my mother entered my bedroom this morning, wondering where a certain moderately sharp object belonging to me had been misplaced. Inevitably, she suspected me of stashing it somewhere and using it as a self harm tool. I don't even...do you think I use everything I find for cutting? Or consider doing it? (Truth is, I kinda do, but let's pretend I don't, okie. )

Why does she expect me to talk to her about my self harm, when she has this sort of backwards, ignorant attitude towards it? And, to be brutally honest, she's pretty much clueless when it comes to this. As is Dad. I'm not going to talk to them, because the advice they give is, quite frankly, shite. While I appreciate that they (do a good job of pretending that they) try to help me, if I called Childline, and the dude(tte) at the other end of the phone said "Oh, yeah, you should give your dad all your blades, show him your arms and legs every day or you'll end up in psych ward with all the nutcases off the side of the street", I wouldn't exactly be impressed, would I?

I hate the way they try to deal with it. Taking my blades off me, removing all sharp objects, asking to see my scars...just, no. Stahp. You know nothing.

/feels

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

Oh gosh, my mom did the same thing with me for the longest time. She didn't take my sharp objects, but she did force me to show her my arms and legs every day or every other day to make sure there wasn't anything new and then threatened to put me in the psychiatric ward if there were any.

I know that you may not want to talk to them for advice, but do you think you at least can talk to them and let them know a bit more about self harm? Maybe you can print out pamphlets or borrow books from the library, and then hand them to your parents. You can say that you really want them to understand what you're going through before anything else can happen.

But, I don't think your parents are doing it to spite you. You're right that they're pretty much clueless, so they're reacting in the way they think is best going to help you, even though it may not really be. They do love you, they just don't really have any idea on how to really help someone.

Even if you don't go to them for support though, I do think you should find someone you can speak with about this. Childline is a really great place to start, and you can also talk to people at school, doctors, or anyone else that you trust. I'm sure there will be people out there that understand you more and would have an easier time with helping you.

But I am sorry that they don't understand you, that's always tough when you tell them about what you're going through and expect help, but then they really don't know how to and make it worse. I know it's hard, but you can do this!

-Dez

[Musician]

I seriously understand how you can do it, been there. And making you expose self-harm or objects only makes it worse. Obviously you've got a lot of pain and/or frustration and this is a way of letting it out. I went through a wicked cutting phase during highs-school and my friends knew I was doing it. I carried on doing it until a friend told me that I had better tell him what's so bad that I physically have to hurt myself to get relief??So I told him what was going on and solved it. I realised that the issues I had been harbouring were unrealistic and that I wasn't the waste of flesh I thought I was.

Point is, whatever you think you cant say, whatever you feel you aren't aloud to feel, find someone you look up to and ask if you cant take a few minutes of their time say it and just hear what they have to say. Even if you just blurt out the words, at least its been said. You'll feel the weight lifted.

[Saoirse]

While I don't self harm, my parents are the same way for everything else. They say I need to be one thing yet they can't be the role model themselves? How can I be something you want me to be when you can't work to do the same? Hopefully your parents' eyes can be opened to the reality of things and learn to try and understand rather than to be ignorant about it. Hopefully -- soon.

[Musician]

I think many parents try, but don't and cant understand. Teenage years are very very very difficult But hey, you have to get through them to get to true freedom, JOY and your own personal forms of expression. Just keep on keepin on guys!

[hocus pocus]

Ugh, parent's can be..eh. I understand your feelings completely. One of the problems is that they aren't from our generation; and being that SH and other illnesses have spiked in the last few years, parents are just seeing this recently. I like Dez's idea about the pamphlets. Actually, a while back, Christabel made a thread for parents about SH. If I can find it, I'll come back here and post it. I don't think they're doing it to be mean, they just don't understand.

Anyway, hang in there!

Love ya!

-Cassie

[01Xzebra23]

Hey, Gareth!

Ugh... Parents, huh? This must be pretty hard for you. Something I wanted to add, even though the way they treat these issues must be really frustrating for you, they still believe they're doing things right in their eyes. I mean, they probably don't understand self-harm too well so they think they're doing the best job helping you. As for them ignoring it sometimes, I've found out with experience that it means they care. Because it hurts them to think or hear of you doing something like that to yourself. Nonetheless, you deserve to have support from them.

Have you ever sit down with them and tried to explain self-harm, and explain how their reactions make you feel? You aren't alone, and you always have support from your wonderful girlfriend and me! Including the rest of us at TeenHelp.

[ViceOverVirtue]

My parents where the same way when they found out about my self-harm. They asked to see my arms/legs every single day for like a month and then they started doing it less often. But after they found out they felt like they could just talk about it anywhere, any time. She mentioned my self-harm right in front of my brother before. Parents don't understand that you just want to be left alone about it. I can understand that to a certain extent. If I found out my child was hurting themselves, I'd want to help them stop. But some parents just don't know how to help the right way.

[Bãrbię]

l understand it guys. But Christabel's right. It really hurts our parents when we do things like this. lts not that they don't care, they aren't exactly able to understand what they should do. While we expect them to do a thing , they do something completely unpredictable because they feel its the right thing to do. But have you ever tried to keep yourself in their place? I mean how would you feel when you find out that you child's harming himself ? Wouldn't you do whatever it takes to prevent the loss of such a priceless possesion?