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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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~Radio Flyer~ Offline
Please call that story back.

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scary incident, still thinking about it - October 27th 2016, 05:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Over the weekend I was in a neighboring state and needed someone taking me there and back. There is this volunteer who picked me up from a train station near her house, then picked up another volunteer and 2 children campers. She also brought us back. I took the train home again. I will refer to the driver as A and the second volunteer as J.

Well going there, it wasn't bad. We got lost a few times but I figured that had more to do with where one of the kid's house was located. Besides A has been a volunteer over 10 times. Anyhow, I did find it strange that she mentioned that she bought a lot of candy even though according to her "is illegal to have in the cabin"
She was kind of strange when she kept telling one of the kids that she was imagining things. The kid was scared she might see her cousin and A was being dismissive.

I didn't have to see A or J throughout camp and my group was fantastic and not dismissive like A. But it caught my attention a little.

Coming back home was even stranger. There was traffic and 3 more hours than usual but that's besides the point. It seemed normal for a Sunday evening driving back to the city. What was strange was the way she was driving made me think she was drunk. It could be she was just super sleep deprived. But then J sitting next to her kept saying "you had too much to drink?" And making jokes that made me think she was drunk, besides her driving. But she was laughing so I don't know if she was serious. But the swervyness of her driving and the going in the wrong lane repeatedly got me thinking. It was very scary

And J was doing a lot more than helping out with driving. She was reminding A to pay attention, to just do what seemed like basic things.
A and J were also gossiping which not only is wrong but they had no right to discuss with each other what should be confidential.

And then when I was dropped off by the train station, J told me "don't talk to strangers" and she said it multiple times .
Do I look like little red riding hood to her?
Strangers always talk to me! I don't just go up to them. I feel so insulted.
I mean "get home safe" is a nice thing to say but can I really control that?

So the times I've been harassed/assaulted was my fault?
Because I'm sure many people think so.
I know family members who do.

Anyway, the images keep replaying in my mind. I've been in a car with a not so safe driver like some of my uncles who speed or use only one hand on the wheel. But this was very swervy driving , I thought we were going to get into an accident.

I felt so trapped as well! Not knowing how to drive and being old enough to notice reckless driving is not an easy position to be in.

I breathed a little when the two kids were each dropped off because I kept thinking if this car crashes, at least the two kids wouldn't be in the car and therefore saved. But I really thought I was going to die.

I can't tell if I am overreacting But how do I even deal with this? If I talked about it at home, my father would get angry at me for going in their car, on the trip, etc. And I honestly had learned and grown so much on this trip, I don't want this incident to ruin my impression of the organization. Because overall they were great and I would go again.
   
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Re: scary incident, still thinking about it - November 7th 2016, 09:06 PM

Sorry it's taken so long for you to get a reply!

I know how scary it can be to be in a car with someone who is either under the influence or sleep deprived. I have actually read some reports that driving while sleep deprives is about as bad as driving under the influence. It's tough that J didn't as to drive so that A could take a rest.

I know how you must feel about thinking that you are the reason that you were harassed/assaulted. I dealt with that many times and I still do to this day blame myself for some of the causes. The whole thoughts of 'why'd I walk around the block that late' etc. Just know it is in no way your fault! You didn't do anything to provoke him. It's more of a you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, which you CAN'T control.

I know you're in between seeing therapists/counselors. Have you found a new one to talk to? Maybe you can mention this situation to them and they can maybe give you some ideas of how to change your thought process to the fact that it wasn't your fault?

You know where to find me if you ever need anything. I hope you're feeling better since it's been a few days since this situation has happened.

Stay strong <3
Brittany



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Re: scary incident, still thinking about it - November 7th 2016, 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by .Brittany. View Post
Sorry it's taken so long for you to get a reply!

I know how scary it can be to be in a car with someone who is either under the influence or sleep deprived. I have actually read some reports that driving while sleep deprives is about as bad as driving under the influence. It's tough that J didn't as to drive so that A could take a rest.

I know how you must feel about thinking that you are the reason that you were harassed/assaulted. I dealt with that many times and I still do to this day blame myself for some of the causes. The whole thoughts of 'why'd I walk around the block that late' etc. Just know it is in no way your fault! You didn't do anything to provoke him. It's more of a you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, which you CAN'T control.

I know you're in between seeing therapists/counselors. Have you found a new one to talk to? Maybe you can mention this situation to them and they can maybe give you some ideas of how to change your thought process to the fact that it wasn't your fault?

You know where to find me if you ever need anything. I hope you're feeling better since it's been a few days since this situation has happened.

Stay strong <3
Brittany
I am guessing that J didn't know how to drive or can't in the evening or something? I am not sure, but she seemed knowledgeable enough to redirect A.

Right now I have something weird going on with my health insurance. The previous counselor was part of an organization so he did not charge my health insurance. It was renewed over the summer but now I am having a hard time accessing my online account. I called customer service which took forever and they gave me a temporary password but the password hadn't been working and now i am locked out for 2 hours so I am waiting for that. And I guess I will call tomorrow again if I need to.

I did not even bring all my assault incidents. I only brought up one, which was an attempted rape, to the previous counselor. And we talked about it but that was many months ago and since then I haven't brought up any of the other incidents that have happened to me.
The thing is, he didnt give advice or even much of an opinion. He would mostly rephrase things, which is fine but then it's like I want someone to challenge my thoughts.

Thank you for the reply! I also saw you replied to my thread about spending holiday alone which I prepared a reply to but it's in my email

I can bring up this incident to my support group but when I told a friend who I now bring to the support group, that I would be riding in a car of someone I dont know, she kind of thought that was weird and said her mother would never let her do that. The thing is, her family has a car and mine doesnt so I've rode in stranger's cars before. And I thought given, this driver is a trained volunteer to work with kids that she would be trustworthy and I also don't want to use this incident as a way to label A as like unreliable because it was only one situation. And we are all safe now.
   
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