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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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Unhappy might have to drop the volunteer opportunity I was looking forward to - January 30th 2017, 02:41 PM

I applied to be a volunteer ELL (English Language Learner) tutor for college aged Syrian refugees in my city. I was looking forward to it but the requirement is that I would have to participate in a weekly Skype call with the program manager. The problem is that my internet goes on and off every 5-10 minutes unexpectedly. I emailed one of the coordinators about this but I am scared that notifying them would make them want to terminate me from the program. I think I should have just kept quiet and tried to wait it out or go to the library. But the thing is, I cant go on skype in the library because not only am I not allowed to talk there but the computers dont have skype installed. I have a tablet but it is too slow and probably not enough data to have the skype app. I can try going to my college that I am now an alumni but that wont guarantee I will have a space to use skype. I used to talk on my old tablet on skype and it didnt always work out.

Also part of this is that I am really low on money and probably cant even afford the transportation expenses because I'm already relying on my sister so i can go to my support group, my therapy appt. and if I start volunteering I can do the 1 hour a week comittment. I also may get a job in the near future but I also may not.

I am also sad because I found out my father who is out of the country had used over his budget money. And while I expected that to happen, he kept reassuring me that he isn't spending extra money, and that the expenses was paid for by my sister's scholarship. It just makes me sad because he could have paid me back some of the money he borrowed (although this is complicated because he kinda just took the money from me in an emergency moment) And while I am learning to forgive him, things like this makes it hard. Because now, I cannot do things I really want to do and I feel stuck. Not only that but the reason the internet may be going on and off is likely due to him using the internet remotely or something like that. I don't know the details but he is good at computer stuff and kinda did something relating to using the internet here even when he is abroad.

Also on a side note: I managed to look through some of the orientation material for the program and one section was about interacting with trauma survivors and there was information such as how trauma can happen and I notice it said "a sudden death of a loved one" and I notice that most if not all examples of trauma were said that it was a sudden death. I just wonder why no one thinks a loved one who is terminally ill or suffering from a chronic condition is not traumatic to those who loved this person? Seeing a person suffer for months or years and then having that person die, can be really traumatic. Just putting it out there because it's bothering me. And I think redefining what's traumatic can benefit refugees too because there can be situations in which their loved ones suffered from an illness that had to do with the warzone they lived in ie: increased cancer rates in areas with bombings etc
   
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Re: might have to drop the volunteer opportunity I was looking forward to - January 31st 2017, 11:39 AM

Really sorry to hear this!

I think it was god that you did notify a coordinator about your internet cutting out. Maybe they'll still let you join and put up with the tech issues, or perhaps they can arrange a phone call rather than skype session?

I am really saddened to hear that your dad went over his budget with expenses rather than paying you back some of the money. That is unfair.

I do agree though that losing someone close to a terminal illness can be just as stressful and traumatic as a sudden death. But I guess the orientation material couldn't cover everything, though awareness of other things going on in a refugees life is good!

Hope something works out for you.


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Re: might have to drop the volunteer opportunity I was looking forward to - February 5th 2017, 02:14 PM

Thank you Holly.
I managed to get in contact with my dad. I was at the library and emailed him. He said he would call home and thrn instructed me how to fix it over the phone. He was also more supportive of my feelings about my sisters than I expected. That i was kind of embarassed when he talked to me about it. That's a bit scary for me and confusing. I basically had wrote him an email about my internet issues+the rent issue+crying everyday because how alone I was feeling and when we were on the phone he didn't ignore the part of me feeling alone/my emotions whereas usually he would direct most if not all his attention to the practical stuff. Or maybe my wellbeing IS practical to the family
But I want to think he genuinely cares.I'm starting to think it and my feelings haven't caught up as much but they might. Just confused at the moment because I long for his emotional presence and then it is finally here but I don't know what to make of it.

At any rate I got an email from a different coordinator who paired me up with a student and so now I know who my student will be for the next 15 weeks as soon as I have my orientation for that and my first Skype call.

I did not hear back from the coordinator whom I've emailed. But I emailed him again saying the internet issue had been resolved way quicker than I expected

I suppose this thread can be closed as the issue got resolved.
   
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Re: might have to drop the volunteer opportunity I was looking forward to - February 6th 2017, 02:39 AM

So glad the issue got resolved after all! Closing at your request!


   
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