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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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I am in hell again... - May 12th 2017, 12:19 PM

Ok, I forgot that its temporary, and its not permenant. There is no darkness.

But goddammit this is pissing me off like crazy and yes, brought me back to sadness and anxiety again. I do not know whether this is enough to bring me another depression period or not. I guess not, logically, since I am asking this question, but I never know how my stupid emotions work.

I am selected for IMO 2017. I never knew how I would felt untill today. I thought I can at least accept it, or even being happy with the news, and hopefully be happy with math again. But this news is giving me flashbacks of all the failures I had and how I am absolutely terrible at math. Everyone is improving, I am stucked by my own depression, detiorating. This feeling is worse than I expect and I dont see hope of doing well in the coming IMO anymore...

Yes, I am completely fed up with it. It was my only genuine interest. I thought I was meant to do math. And I worked all the way to this point just to realize I am not good enough. There are geniuses who are better than me. I am tired of people telling me I am a genius like them. They are liars and probably don't know what is in my mind.

It isn't true that I hate math. But I am really really tired with it, since no matter how I work harder in it, it will never end, and I am still not good enough.

I told myself last year after that contest, that I will not affect my mood due to the failures. But I got worse and feel completely like an idiot. It wasn't just the failure itself that is horrible. The months after that with that horrible mental state is way worse than that. It was worse than hell, and this is one of the reasons why those horrible things in life is getting more and more unbearable.

I dont even know how to express how bad it feels like. I am an idiot.


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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Re: I am in hell again... - May 12th 2017, 12:49 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that something you really enjoyed is bringing you so much hurt. I'm not sure what IMO is, but I remember when I was in school we had a maths competition which I had to do too. I was in a room full of really clever people who I knew were A* students in maths, and I'd scraped a D in the past. So I know how it feels to be doing something which doesn't exactly make you feel entirely good about your own abilities. I found that after, when I spoke to other people, many of them felt very similar to me though. You won't be the only one there who's nervous about failing - that's something we're all worried about. The most you can do is your best and regardless of what you get, your best is always enough.

Comparing yourself to other people will always make you feel worse anyway. There's always someone who is better than you at anything, and it's very unlikely you'll ever be in a position where you're better than anyone in the world at something. That's nothing to be ashamed of though. If you work hard and achieve something, no matter how better or worse it is than someone else, it's an achievement you should be proud of. Try not to worry about what everyone else is doing and focus on yourself. If you get through it even though you're worried, then that's amazing and you SHOULD be proud!

This isn't the be all and end all of everything maths related. You don't have to be perfect at it, like I say, the best you can do is give it a good old go. I hope it goes well! Good luck. And if you really don't want to participate, you may be able to talk to someone about that so you don't have to.



A paradox:
The things you donít need to liveó
books, art, cinema, wine, and so onó
are the things you need to live
.

- Matt Haig



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Re: I am in hell again... - May 14th 2017, 03:31 AM

I will fight with this hell. I want to wipe off my failures from last year and do well this year.

It is tough, I am fear of even hearing the contest itself, and practicing it is nearly impossible. But its nearly, and I will not give up. I am going to practice more so that I will not fail this year.

Things must go better instead of worse!

I missed my interest... I really want to find back that interest that I had long lost due to all these failures and self-doubts. If I am able to do so, I will be so much happier than now


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
  Send a message via Skype™ to Thinking 
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I am in hell again... - May 17th 2017, 11:07 AM

Hi Ivan, I just wanted you to say you have full rights how you want to live your life. Nobody is here to spoil your Life until you give the Permission. So, stay happy and help other people as you can.
   
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