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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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*Jen* Offline
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Hmmm - May 23rd 2009, 10:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I don't know anymore. No one really understands how I feel. People say they understand but they don't. No one understands and I just feel like giving up. Everything who I trust just walks away and leaves me. You know it gets to the point where you say why bother. It messes up my head even more and I can't cope with that no longer. I saw a counsellor a few years ago and I trusted her but then she went off ill for a few months before I had to finish with her. So I didn't get to end properly with her. After that I saw a psychologist who I have like trusted with everything. It took me a year to trust her but now she has gone off ill. I haven't seen her in like 6 weeks so god knows if she ever going to come back. I have to finish with her when I am 19 which is a few months away and I just bloody give up. She probably won't come back and then it will just be another bad ending. This is what I mean people just leave me and walk away. There is no point in trusting. It really messes me up more. I am just so fed up of being alone with everything. But ahh well I deserve it. I deserve all I get because I am not worth it.

My eating has got bad lately. I have to exercise lots and not eat much. But you know what it feels so much better to be losing weight. I am fat and disgusting. It is horrible. I have to lose weight. A while ago I was told I had an eating disorder but I didn't; I just wanted to be thin.

I was at first on a diet a few months ago and eating ok and doing it healthily but then like a month ago I got really stressed to the point I couldn't eat. I physically couldn't eat because I was panicking about everything all the time. I ended up losing lots of weight from that. Then I kind of carried it on. I wouldn't say I am really stressed at the moment. I do have quite a bit of work but not as much as I did have. It feels good though and I will get there this time. I will be thin. I hate peoples comments asking if I have lost weight. Why does it matter to them. My friends mum is worried about me because of it and keeps asking my friend if I am ok. But you know what I hate people being worried. I want to be thin so just let me.
   
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star_crossd Offline
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Re: Hmmm - May 24th 2009, 12:16 AM

Hey Jen.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be thin at all. Your friend's mom is worried because just not eating is very dangerous, especially if you work out a lot as well. It's good that you want to be in shape, but you should really make sure that you're still eating because that will give you the energy to go through the day AND exercise. Take care, hon. <3


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
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*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Re: Hmmm - May 24th 2009, 06:41 PM

Thanks Sam for your reply :-)

I do try to eat. But I really will get fat if I eat too much so I have to limit what I eat.
   
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