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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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My sister is a terrible human being - November 6th 2018, 03:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I ranted about this a few months ago, but she no longer tries to harm our dogs. At most she sizes up them and cowards when I get in between. But the threats have shifted to her family.

She does more harm to me and step mom than to my dad because she's scared of him (he's normally gentle but when he raises his voice, it's pretty scary. Not in an abusive way, if he did his angry voice and told us nice things it's still intimidating). She also doesn't threaten the baby because the rest of us defend her and that's a while new low.
My step mom has cancer and has been through chemotherapy twice already. And of coarse, too much stress will be harmful.
My sister is more vocal towards her because even with cancer, my step mom would be able to knock her out. She gets more physical with me. Mostly shoves me, but has thrown things at me. Not toys, but forks, paper more so, and has thrown a rock and hack saw. Luckily, the fork and papers were the only things that hit me. The fork hit me above the eye, just barely. And yeah, she has physically fought me.

And she screams and throws fits over little things. Like homework is too hard. Or the dog yipped. And god forbid we ask her to mind her manners.

Often times she threatens to kill us or someone. And then runs off. And throws another fit if she gets oatmeal for dinner. Sometimes she "runs away" but refuses to leave the block. We've told our Teacher that makes sure we do our homework. And a doctor.

According to the doctor, she's not acting this way because of her autism. So now what?

We're all probably going to therapy but Idk.

But our family can't take this anymore and we don't know what to do.



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Re: My sister is a terrible human being - November 7th 2018, 03:43 AM

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and I really hope that you will be alright soon. You started off saying that your sister is not harming your pets, you, the baby and your parents anymore. That is really great to hear. When you have someone in your family who is doing things like this to you or someone else in the family it is upsetting and hard for you and everyone else to deal with. And I am so sorry that you had to go through this.

Also I am truly sorry about your stepmom having cancer. Are you able to talk to somebody about this to help you so that you are okay and you don't have to deal with this and go through this alone? Do you have a favorite teacher at school or are you able to talk to the school counselor and let them know that you are having a hard time with this? I know that it is hard to just open up about something and let them in to help us when we are going through something. But when we are able to talk about what we are going through it can help us start to feel better soon.

I am so sorry that your sister is throwing different things at you and everyone else. That is not okay to do at all. We are not always going to like what someone says or get along with them, but that does not mean it is ok to throw something at someone. Would you be able to talk to someone about this too and ask for help? Or ask your parents if they can have someone talk to her like a therapist or counselor to help her with all of this and anything else that she may be going through. She may need some help with someone to help her to calm down and find a way to do this and whatever else that she may be going through. She may be going through something and this is her way of acting out. I'm not saying it is okay.


When your sister is acting like this are you able to get out of the house for a while. Going for a walk around the house or going to a friend's house or if the park is close to your house. Or can you go outside in your backyard or in your room or take a shower or bath or read or be with your parents or find anything else to do to get away from her for a while. I really hope that you will be okay and everything works out for you.


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Re: My sister is a terrible human being - November 8th 2018, 08:17 PM

That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. Sorry to hear about your step-mom's cancer as well as your sister acting out.

If your sister has autism it may be that her acting out is due to any changes or sensory issues that she is having. That doesn't excuse her acting out though. Is it possible to get more support- either in learning how to deal with your sisters outbursts or for your sister to learn how to manage her anger? It can be annoying when professionals don't seem to understand so it can be good to persist in order to get the support you all need.

Hope you have the time and space to look after yourself too


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Re: My sister is a terrible human being - November 16th 2018, 12:05 AM

So my parents have tried different methods to help settle her down and allowing her to realize the consequence of an action as well as reward systems and motivators. I think we're still looking into therapy but I have no updates on that. I wish there was a school counsellor but I'm homeschool. The teacher that helps us academically does know of these behaviors and there's a special needs specialist that helps out but I haven't seen much improvement :/

The other day we got into a physical fight and she ran out. I let the dogs upstairs to cheer up my youngest sister a bit. I came back down to finish what I was trying to do. I turn around and saw her throwing rocks at cars passing by. I ran out as one stopped and pulled over. She runs back to the house out of fear. Luckily, the lady in the car was reasonable, and no damage was done. It could have gone worse and thankfully, it didn't. I'm just not sure why she even do this. My parents are very supportive and are willing to listen if we open up. It was like magic. One day she was sweet and a joy to be around, being a good sister who lived all animals and babies and the next day she just rebelled suddenly. I mean, some rebellion is normal, I myself rebelled, however I wasn't (or didn't mean to) do any real harm.

It's so, insane.



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Re: My sister is a terrible human being - November 16th 2018, 12:06 AM

And, unfortunately, the only time she's really bad is when I'm babysitting her and my other sister.



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Re: My sister is a terrible human being - November 17th 2018, 10:40 PM

You say the only time she is bad is when you're babysitting her and your other sister.
Also it sounds like she's been lashing out more since your mom got cancer, but it also sounds like this has been happening before (e.g. hurting the dogs).

I honestly find this behaviour pretty concerning, assuming your sister isn't merely 3 or 4 years old, she's definitely old enough to know better and to be able to regulate her behaviour.

Not that I'm a psychologist or a doctor or something, but still, if your sister is pretty much abusing you and refusing to check and alter her behaviour, she needs professional help. Of course, having autism makes things harder for her, but she can't go through life throwing rocks at cars, hurting animals, other children, etc and expecting it to be ok because she's got a disability. I have ADHD, which often gets lumped in with autism for some reason (they're both behavioural?) and trust me, you literally can't sit there and expect to treat people like shit and expect a pass because of it, it just means that if you have trouble regulating your emotions or behaviours, you have to find ways not to behave in wildly inappropriate ways.

Are your parents able to access specialized therapies for her or anything? Do they know how severe her behaviour is? You deserve to be safe, so please advocate for yourself to your family.
   
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