My friends piss me off sometimes.

[Twisted]

Ok well, this past weekend 5 of us went to Blackpool for 3nights, it was really awesome and all of us had a brilliant time. On the last night though my boyfriend rung me whilst we were at this club, i missed his call so i called him back. Anyway i went off to somewhere a little more quiet so i could hear him. They've only met him once before, but they didn't really talk to each other from what i remember.

I got back after talking to him for a few minutes and i was bombarded with questions about him. They were asking me questions like "do you actually think he's attractive?" and "why are you going out with him?" I turned around and went "i'm not having this conversation". I don't see why i should justify my feelings for someone else to them. They were also going on about how when they met they didn't really speak to him. (They met at a little house party thing at my house, so there were a few people there) I explained to them how he's really shy at first and when i first met him we didn't really speak either, and i told them not to take it personally and he wasn't being rude, at least not on purpose.

Then one of my friends said that her boyfriend is shy but he makes the effort to talk and i was like "yeah but your boyfriend and my boyfriend are differant and you've been together a lot longer than we have so he's had the chance to get to know us all". Also, they were saying how before i got with my boyfriend, i was telling them how i knew he liked me but i didn't think i liked him in that way, which is true. But i decided to give it a chance, i carried on speaking to him and got to know him more and it turns out it's worked out great. They just don't seem to think that my feelings can change.

I just feel like they don't take me seriously and they think i'm only with him because i want a boyfriend, which isn't true. I hate how just because they can't see what i see in him they have to question it and lose all ability to try to understand another persons point of view. I told them how he's really nice and genuine, all be it a little shy and quiet at first. But they were just not listening and in the end i chose to ignore them. If they can't accept the fact that i'm in a happy relationship then fuck them. It just upsets me that they're meant to be my best friends, yet they can be so judgemental on someone who they don't even know. I understand, he's not the most attractive guy ever, but looks aren't everything, and beleive it or not i still find him attractive even if they don't.

I'm getting so pissed off with them recently, sometimes i just feel like stopping hanging out with them as much and hanging out with another group of people who i'm good friends with. But i really don't want to do that, i care about them too much to just dissipate. I just wish they would be a bit more mature and accepting when it comes to things like this. It's my relationship not theres.. Rant over, thanks to anyone who read this

[moyshi239]

Hey Nat,
It's difficult to have friends who don't support you in certain areas of your life. In your situation it's the boyfriend issue. Unfortunately, you can't make them like him, but you can ask if they'll be a little bit more open-minded about it all. So, he may not be the best looking guy, but his personality and who he is ends up being alot more important, and alot of what does make him attractive.

Maybe try bringing him along with you somewhere where your friends are going to meet again. Talk to them ahead of time, and tell them that you'd really appreciate if they put an effort in to getting to know him and talking to him, because you really do like him. They may not like him at first but opinions can change, they just need to know him a bit before they judge. Also, try and talk to your boyfriend about trying to speak up a bit more when he sees them. I know he's shy, but he should at least try to keep up in a few conversations. Maybe if he's feeling uncomfortable with your friends, you can direct the conversation going on and he'll feel more comfortable if he's answering to you. If both parties are putting in some sort of effort then hopefully things will work out.

If they don't work out quite so well, let your friends know you'd like them to just respect him and your relationship. Even if they don't like him, let them know that you still want them to respect it, and to leave out all those unnecessary comments. Take care. :]

[Ellie]

Hey Nat, you're right when you said that you don't have to justify your feelings to them, but perhaps it could help them to understand your situation more if you were to explain things? Friends care about each other, and your friends acting like this might just be their way of showing they care - by questioning your relationship they might just be making sure you're 100% happy with it, do you see what I mean? You said yourself that you care about them, so why not give them that chance. It sounds like you know what you want, and you deserve to have your friends support as well.