Non-PG13 (Strong Language): UGGH. Best freaking weekend ever. FML.

[CANDLEJA-]

Alright, so, this is how my weekend went so far.

- I broke up with my boyfriend because I have anxiety problems and I can't stand worrying about him. Pathetic? Yup. Thennn, I talk to him this morning, and found out he did e because he was so upset. That was why I broke up with him, because I was terrified of him falling into his old habits with drugs again, thus it would make me anxious when he went out.
He told me I was the only thing that was holding him back from doing drugs, and now I feel fucking guilty that I broke up with him, because now I am scared that the only thing that will keep him away from ruining his life is me. But then I have to be fucking anxious the whole time worrying about him.

- I found out that a chick got the job that I had been fucking fighting for, because her parents know the women who hires, and they live in the same small town. Even though the girl already has one job, and is leaving in two months to go to school.

- AND, my uncle had a really bad stroke, and is now in ICU, and the entire right side of his body is paralyzed and they don't know if he will live. The medication they put him on has a 30% of actually working.
My uncle is 45 years old.

I seriously think I'm about to lose all of the little control I had in the first place. I've never been strong, and this is just too overwhelming...

[Pour the Teapot]

okay Devin, calm down. things will look up. i saw your other post about your boyfriend, and you did the right thing by breaking up with him. and he shouldn't be making you feel guilty for doing what was best for you.

on the subject of jobs, yes that isn't fair, but keep looking i'm sure you'll find a job eventually.

and your poor uncle! whatever happens make sure to be there for him. and visit him in the hospital whenever you can, whether he's awake or not. you never know when he's really listening.

there's not much you can do right now but wait it out and hope things get better. PM me anytime!
~Alice

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Hey, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I'm sure that everything will work out alright in the end.

I saw your other post about your boyfriend. You said that he didn't show any emotion when you broke up with him. So it seems unlikely to me that he was so deeply upset that he felt the need to go out and take drugs afterwards. He is just emotionally blackmailing you, and to be honest, he probably took the drugs because he knew he could get away with it now that you had broken up. You are better off without him. And remember, you didn't break up with him because of your anxiety problems. You broke up with him because he wasn't listening to your concerns and he wasn't making you happy anymore.

And I understand how you feel about the job thing. My boyfriend got laid off so that the boss' daughter could come work in the store. Even though she lives about a 2 hours drive away from the store. But if the girl is leaving in two months, then maybe they will hire you then? Or the girl will be really bad for the job and they'll fire her before that. I'm really sorry this happened to you, but I'm sure you will find a better job that appreciates people based on their merit.

I'm really sorry about your uncle. And I don't really know what to say because I've never been in that situation. Except, even though I'm a maths person, I hate statistics. Everyone uses statistics as facts and they're not really, they are only true for a small study that they probably did ages ago. My great-grandfather went in for an operation last year that gave him a 20% chance of survival, and he came out of it just fine. So percentages aren't always right. I hope that your uncle pulls through okay, I'm sure that the doctors will do everything that they can.

I hope that your week gets better from here on in .

[CANDLEJA-]

Thanks guys...I talked to Kody, and I don't know...I want to help him, because he is such a beautiful person, and he says he does regret doing it...and he is honestly an amazing person, and he is so much better then who he thinks he is, he honestly believes that his life isn't worth it...and I want to do what I can as a friend to help him stay away from drugs. I just don't want to blur the boundries, and get confused...ugh...how do I do that?

[ShimmeringFaerie]

To be blunt, you can't. I don't know how long you guys were dating, but it is so hard to be a friend for an ex who is going through stuff like that. It is far too easy to fall back on old habits. And maybe things would be really good for a while, and he would treat you better, but it always ends the same way. And you need to look after yourself first.

You said before that he didn't listen to your concerns about alcohol etc. And it shouldn't take a break-up for him to listen to you. Is that what it's going to take every time?

I'm sure that he is an amazing person, but he needs to sort himself out first. You don't want him to bring you down with him.

PM me if you need advice or someone to talk to . Hope you're doing okay.

[CANDLEJA-]

We have been dating since December 2nd, 2008. And ughh, you're probably right. But I can't just sit back and watch him throw his life away to drugs because he thinks he's not worth it. I told him I'd always be there for him, and I can't just walk out on him at the one time he needs me the most...I'm not that kind of person. I just don't know what to do...ughh

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I know... It's easy for me to say what you should do, but I guess that if I was in that situation, it might not be that easy...

Okay, personally, it sounds a little like this guy is emotionally blackmailing you. I don't know if he knows he is doing it. But it is so not fair for him to say that you were the only thing holding him back from doing drugs. Not doing drugs is 100% his responsibility. Obviously it's nice to have support, but there are people who give up drugs or smoking or drinking all the time, and some of them have already pushed away all of their support network through their addiction. It's not fair for him to make it sound like it's your responsibility. If he was able to not take drugs while you were dating, he is perfectly capable of not taking them, so it is not your fault at all.

My concern is for your safety. Not just physically, but also emotionally. If this guy goes out and gets really drunk, and something happens to him, that was his doing. And you shouldn't have to feel like it's your fault, because it's hard enough taking care of ourselves sometimes, taking care of someone else who is capable of doing it themselves is just draining. And he will probably be that way all of your life, if you let him.

I had a friend who did a similar thing. There wasn't any substance involved, but he would always have all these problems, fights with his parents, with his friends, and so on. I couldn't keep listening to it anymore, he refused to get help, and when I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, he threatened to kill himself, just to scare me into staying. I finally got out of there, but I was in that relationship for three years, and it had a huge, negative impact on my life. And I would hate for you to go through that.

Maybe, if you have mutual friends, you could ask them to keep an eye on him? That way, you are doing something, but you don't have to be too involved. Would that be possible?

Please PM me if you need anything, advice or whatever .

[CANDLEJA-]

Thanks for your concern...you do make a lot of valid points that I will definatly keep in mind and remember. I guess maybe I care too much...and yeah, you're right, I can't blame this on myself and neither can he...

And the thing is, his friends are what gets him into drugs...so I don't think that's an option...I had a long talk with him today though, and I think I broke through. I hope I did, but if I notice no change in his behavior, as much as it's going to hurt to let him go I know I will have to do that. I suggested he start hanging out with different people, like with my friends because I know they would accept him...see, the people he hangs out with do drugs, and him hanging out with them makes him believe he isn't better then them. So I told him that when he wants to relax and hang out with people, to hang out with my friends...they have a healthier lifestyle, and are just happier people in general. I really hope I don't have to give up on him, but if that's what I have to do...then I guess I'll just have to do it.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I hope everything works out for you . Bad friends are usually the problem, but it can be hard to convince people of that. And seriously if you need support later on down the track, just let me know.

[CANDLEJA-]

Thanks I will be sure too