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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Angry Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 06:42 PM

I've just deleted it, there was nothing on there. I'm just really annoyed. We had an arguement and because of this he goes trying to snoop around to find my online journal and it wouldnt surprise me if he found here....

What would you do? Help??

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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 07:11 PM

Have you tried talking to him? You have a right to a certain degree of privacy, and he should respect that. You should seriously sit down, talk to him about boundaries. If he can't accept the fact that there are some things you want kept private, like your LiveJournal for example, then you may have a difficult choice to make.


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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 08:01 PM

Well he knows i come on here, it wouldn't take much to know who i am... i asked and he said "i jsut want to see what you've written" but why ONLY after we argue, does he think I put all over LJ where our housemates and friends can see... If anywhere i'd put it here since (as far as I know) he hasn't come here.
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 08:19 PM

Your boyfriend is a huge douche bag.


I don't see why he think he's allowed to do shit like that, since if you wanted him to see it you'd show it.

I'm probably not a good person for this kind of thing, I dumped a girl for talking to someone on my facebook pretending to be me to find out if i went out the night before. I didn't even let her explain, as soon as i booked a conversation I didn't have I knew it was her, called her and told her to come pick up her shit at my house.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 08:26 PM

Your going to need to tell him that you need your privacy and its not in his place to snoop around your personal information. He needs to learn to respect you.


And here you are living, despite it all.
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 10:07 PM

Apparently he did not know that this was snooping... I think google searches with my name, frequent usernames and websites account for snooping....
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 12th 2011, 10:25 PM

Yeah, that definitely sounds like snooping. As long as you let him know you don't appreciate that at all, hopefully he'll start respecting your privacy.


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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 13th 2011, 04:14 AM

Hey Laura,
Tell your boyfriend that this is not on and he needs to allow you to have a degree of privacy.
Sometimes when you are in relationship you need space from the person, to have the space to vent. Having a Live Journal account is not a crime, and if you put something THAT bad on there then you would do it anonomously, or with a fake name and location.
Explain to your boyfriend that you need some of your own space, somewhere where he doesn't see what you're thinking, somewhere where you can put what you like without the fear of someone coming across it.

Take care and the best of luck to you Laura,
Paige
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 12:54 PM

I agree with everyone else who posted. I mean, he is just your boyfriend. I know that is a important role but even then you have a right to keep secrets. You need your privacy. So first and foremost, talk to him. If he doesn't get it, then............he's not for you..

I'm sorry..............And Good luck............
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 01:54 PM

Sorry, but I can't help but think 'If you don't want him to see it then don't put it on the internet', what's the point of putting things that everyone can see on the internet if you can't even cope with your boyfriend seeing it?
And it's not like there aren't measures that you can take to make sure people you know don't find it... If you don't want people knowing who you are then don't put your real name or vary the usernames you use, I don't actually think he's done anything wrong to be honest...
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 03:08 PM

Keady, if you ACTUALLY read my post you would see that I did not put anything on there. I am not keen on the intentions he had. Why would I post it there?


So, if you and your girlfriend had a fight, and she looked up EVERYTHING you had on the internet you would be perfectly fine about it, even if (like in my case) NOTHING was said about them?
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 06:34 PM

STOP being so unreasonable!

If you put something on the internet and allow it to be available to the public, then you should expect people whom you know in real life can find that info, too.

Besides, you would allow millions of people on the web to see it but not your boyfriend?


Do you realize how contradictory it is? It's like you put your underwears on the front door and then get mad at your friends because they see it.

For heaven's sake, you were the one who made it publicly available in the first place. The fact that so many posts in this thread--including two Helplink Mentors--agreed with you is ridiculous as well.




I would be mad if he does stuffs like these (or similar):

Keylogger:
1. He installs a keylogger on your computer and set it to stealth mode,
2. The keylogger will record all of your keystrokes (which would include all of your usernames and passwords), take a screenshot every time you click, and other stuffs (like browser history logs, IM monitoring [can include monitoring Facebook chat, skype, msn, yahoo, etc.], etc.).
3. Now, he can have a lot of fun with those info, like he uses the collected info to compromise all of your online accounts.
DNS configuration:
1. He opens an account on OpenDNS or a similar service.
2. He changes your DNS configuration so that your connection will go through OpenDNS's server.
3. Viola! Now he knows where you go on the web and he pretty much have absolute control over what website you can visit and what website you cannot (e.g. He could easily block you from accessing TeenHelp).
Change computer password:
1. He creates a bootable USB flash drive running Linux OS (e.g. Portable Ubuntu).
2. He used it to crack through your Windows password AND change it to something, leaving you unable to log into your computer.
3. Or, if he doesn't want to lock you out, then since he has full access to your computer using this method, he could easily install keylogger and change your DNS configuration, or use tools like Cain and Abel or OphCrack to dig out your passwords.
Insecure networks
1. He could trick you into using an insecure wifi (like at the library, a cafe, school, etc.)
2. Then he can use tools like Firesheep to get into your online accounts like Facebook, Teenhelp, etc.
(I believe Livejournal has a secure server [you can recognize it by the https in your address bar, as opposed to http] so Firesheep wouldn't work on it.)


Should I list more? Basically, if he crack through information that you have set to private (e.g. only you can view it), then yes, I would understand why you would be mad. But publicly available info? No, you are the one at fault.

Anyhow, point is that if he wanted to "snoop around," then your computer would have been pretty much under his control by now--and he didn't even need to learn to write programs. This is partially why we should NEVER let anyone touch our computer, and why we should always use secure connection when we can.

If you put information onto the internet and allows everyone to view it, then that would INCLUDE everyone whom you know in real life as well.

If you don't want to be found online, then do NOT let yourself be found on search engines (e.g. don't use your real names). If you want a private space to write out your feelings, then SET IT AS PRIVATE! Getting mad at him for finding you on Google is ridiculous!



Last edited by Digilodger; March 15th 2011 at 06:51 PM.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 07:15 PM

OMG. I did not put anything about it ON THE INTERNET. It was more the fact that he was trying to find out EVERYTHING i put on the internet. Seriously ¬.¬
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
OMG. I did not put anything about it ON THE INTERNET. It was more the fact that he was trying to find out EVERYTHING i put on the internet. Seriously ¬.¬
I never said anything about whether what you have wrote have anything to do with you two.

I just said that your current action--getting mad at him because he is reading "everything [you] put on the internet" (quoted you)--is ridiculous.


You made what you have posted publicly viewable; he has all the rights to view them, regardless of whether you have mentioned him or not.

Which part of that do you NOT understand?


If you use your real name online and make it publicly viewable, then people have all the rights to search for you online.

Which part of that do you NOT understand?


If you hang your underwears on the front doors, then people will see it. Getting mad at them for seeing it is just . . . ridiculous.

Hundreds of people have viewed your 7 posts on TeenHelp, how about getting mad at them?


Why do you think we have "privacy settings" on every forums and social networks? Just to use up some pixels?



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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 07:33 PM

I understand all of that... but looking up information when in the middle of the arguement isn't the BEST thing to do.

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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 07:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
I understand all of that... but looking up information when in the middle of the arguement isn't the BEST thing to do.
Okay, look at it this way:

When we are within an argument, sometimes we lose our tempers and become unnecessarily harsh.

Example: The harsher tone that I used in my previous post. It was definitely a harsher tone; I am sorry for that. While the idea remains true, I definitely could have said them in a more civilized tone.


After the conflict, he wanted to have a second look at your opinion, but obviously he can't, since he couldn't remember very well all that you have said.


So he looked through the internet, hoping to see if you have vented your rage somewhere. This could go three ways:
1. Bad ending: If you add salt and some spices into the story to make it seems like you were clearly the one in the right and he is clearly in the wrong, then he would get really pissed.

2. Bad ending: If you act like a Saint and take all the blames on yourself, then he probably would get a bit arrogant and could either become more of an a** hole (excuse my language) or become softer/nicer (empathetic)--depending on his personality.

3. Good ending: If you told the story truthfully and pointed out that both sides--you and him--had some problems and where the problems are, then a mutual understanding might emerge. He would rethink the matter and decide to (secretly, because of his pride) accept part of your view.


But you didn't write anything. He said, "Oh crap, not Livejournal, and she didn't talk about it with her friends either."


Then you found out about how he searched Google for you and went lioness-eat-prey at him (you attacked him for google searching you); he refused to stand down and went tiger-defending-mountain back at you (he refused to admit that as "snooping" and tried to justify himself).

Neither of you listen to each other. So this has resulted in another volcano eruption before the first one has a chance to calm down.



My suggestion? Don't assume another person's intention by deducing from your own would-be intentions. How about get him to join TeenHelp so we all can have a talk? That would solve at least 50% of the problems



Last edited by Digilodger; March 15th 2011 at 08:05 PM.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 08:05 PM

We've talked about it now... but you were coming across like I was in the wrong by saying nothing about it online.

I was merely annoyed at his intentions, as to me it seemed like snooping, and he realised this. I'm not one to go posting about every flaw in our relationship and thats what he was looking for... he should know me better than this...


Know where I'm coming from now?
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 08:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
Keady, if you ACTUALLY read my post you would see that I did not put anything on there. I am not keen on the intentions he had. Why would I post it there?


So, if you and your girlfriend had a fight, and she looked up EVERYTHING you had on the internet you would be perfectly fine about it, even if (like in my case) NOTHING was said about them?
To be honest, if she looked through my history with ill intentions I'd be a bit annoyed, but wouldn't really mind. But if it was googleing I wouldn't really mind that, and I would be perfectly fine with that.

And so what if you didn't actually put anything up, you're annoyed that he found your live journal and that still applies to everything I've said, and you've also mentioned your TH account which you obviously have posted things on.

And to be honest, how is having an interest in what you're writing on the internet snooping?...
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 09:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
but you were coming across like I was in the wrong by saying nothing about it online.
That's not what I mean; but if it sounded like that, then I'm sorry that it sounded so.

What you write--or don't write--online has nothing to do with me. Freedom of speech!


What I mean is that you were in the wrong for becoming angered because someone Google searched you, and found your publicly viewable Livejournal.

If it was set to private and he cracked through something to forcibly view it, then yes, you would be right. I would gladly help you crush his next cracking attempt. But this is something that millions of people can potentially see--it is publicly viewable. He is just one of the millions.



Last edited by Digilodger; March 15th 2011 at 10:50 PM.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 15th 2011, 11:56 PM

I know.... but its just, he should know me better than that... in my opinion.

Anyway, matter is solved.


Keady, if its to gain anything to fuel an arguement, I'd consider it snooping.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 05:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
Keady, if its to gain anything to fuel an arguement, I'd consider it snooping.
Anything that's said on the internet can be used to fuel an argument. Even if someone looked on your livejournal, you wouldn't always be able to prove that their intention was to fuel an argument. Ultimately, you're saying that looking at someone else's LiveJournal, or any other blog, is considered snooping. If that's the case, there's nothing wrong with snooping. When you put something on the internet, you're sacrificing a certain amount of privacy. If you allow other people to look at your journal by making it public, why can't your boyfriend? If it's really a big deal, you should stick to writing in a diary and deleting your LiveJournal because as long as someone has a public blog, I'm going to look at it regardless of whether they want me to or not.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 05:54 PM

Mmmm. Okay, so, She knows NOW not to put things on the internet that she doesn't want seen.
She has a right to be upset. She knows she should have been more careful with her Live Journal,
But that's doesn't negate the the fact that she is upset. She isn't mad that he found her journal. she is mad at his intentions to snoop. It goes beyond him actually finding the journal. It's that he broke trust, and doesn't trust her. Thus he snooped.


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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 06:15 PM

Thank you Lynds!

What I'm trying to say. I never put anything on the internet about it (excluding this post of course) but it was the intentions I was annoyed at. Yes things can be used, anything can be used, but looking things up for that sole purpose?
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 07:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
She isn't mad that he found her journal. she is mad at his intentions to snoop. It goes beyond him actually finding the journal. It's that he broke trust, and doesn't trust her. Thus he snooped.
And hence, the difference between our ways of thinking.

How you managed to interpret this as "I am not mad at his action; I am just mad at his intention" is beyond me:
Thurineth said,
"I've just deleted it, there was nothing on there. I'm just really annoyed. We had an arguement and because of this he goes trying to snoop around to find my online journal and it wouldnt surprise me if he found here..."

Plus, she specifically said this:
Thurineth said,
"Apparently he did not know that this was snooping... I think google searches with my name, frequent usernames and websites account for snooping...."

How you managed to interpret that as "I am not mad at his action; I am just mad at his intention" is beyond me, too.
On these mind-reading stuffs, I have to admit that we males pale in comparison to female. Unfortunately we cannot read minds



Anyhow, our point is that searching, reading, or finding publicly available information is not snooping. Snooping is when he specifically target information that you have set to private.


And let's say that she really only pissed at his intention. I took this into account and also made a specific point here in this post: Don't assume another person's intention by deducing from your own would-be intentions.

If it is the case, then she didn't care why he did it nor did she bothers to find out; she assumed that was his intention and blast him for it. I still don't see how she is in the right here.

It kind of like the time when I was accused of checking out the girls' breasts when I only look at the darn name tags.


Next, you made a double standards on "trust." Why don't you consider the fact that she was the one who didn't trust him in the first place? She was the one who assumed that he had bad intention in the first place. Where's the trust in that?



Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Constance~ View Post
What I'm trying to say. I never put anything on the internet about it (excluding this post of course) but it was the intentions I was annoyed at. Yes things can be used, anything can be used, but looking things up for that sole purpose?
By the way, you didn't have to create a new account. On your Control Panel, if you go to Edit Your Details, you will see a Edit [...] Username button on the right.

Alternatively, you can click on this link and it will direct you to the Change Username page.



Last edited by Digilodger; March 16th 2011 at 07:45 PM.
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 08:38 PM

I know how to change username... Was looking or a fresh start on here anyway.


Can we now just leave the matter?
   
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Re: Boyfriend found my Livejournal. - March 16th 2011, 11:53 PM

I'm closing this by request of the OP


   
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