Triggering (Substances): I Need Some Help

[selfh23]

I am not going to kill myself ,but it's high time I admit I have a major problem with alcohol and cutting.

I get drunk any time and as much as I can. I can't even enjoy a day off work without thinking of booze. I have a qreat job, I'm a Photographer, getting more and more clients a day, and I love it But I guess I hate myself... I feel like everyone in my life thinks I'm a loser. Especially my family, I'm just the "depressed fucked up child" who failed and dropped out of University, and who is now just screwing around with Photography, but they don't get it, I love photography and I love how it makes me feel. I'm good at it, and people love my work so muhc I've been booked 5 times this month!
I guess I just need HELP for this, I can't stop drinking, because it numbs me out more than my Wellburtin pills and my Zopiclone sleeping pills.. I just feel ok when I'm drunk. Any excuse to drink, I'm 100% there, even if my husband won't pay for the liquor, I will, I'm so desperate.
I cut, I have been cutting. I cant' tell anyone my Husband is rude about it and would be A. ) NOT sympathetic, and rude
I just... I need help, I feel like I can't stop. I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I just want to do cuts where I can see the blood pouring down, and feel the pain on my skin.. I need that pain, that reminder of my pain inside my heart.
I'm sorry this is so emo. Like I want to stop before my family notices I'm cutting again, but I can't....... I don't want to stop, I feel like Im just losing it
Help.
Also I've been throwing up 2-4 times a day, trying to lose weight, and binge eating xlax, and say what you want about diets. Girls I started taking Wellbutrin and excercising, also a bit of barfing, but I've lost SERIOUSLY XXX and I've kept it off!
I AM HAPPY.

[Iris. ♥]

Hey there,

Don't let what your family says get you down. You've found a respectable career that you're good at and that you love. Why pay attention to what other people have to say about that? It sounds like you're doing really well with your photography business. That's awesome! So, ignore the critics and do what makes you happy. As long as you feel good about the career choices you've made, no one else matters.

I definitely know how good it can feel to be consumed by alcohol. But, you and I both know it doesn't solve the problem permanently. It's a temporary number. It makes life seem different, and it allows you to see things through a different lens. But, when you're sober again, do you really feel any better? Try to wean yourself off of alcohol and find healthier ways to cope.

Also, I think you should talk to your husband about your struggles with SH. You are his wife. He's supposed to love you through everything, help you pick up the pieces when you're broken, and not judge you for your mistakes. If he's going to be harsh about it, you need to have a serious conversation about that. You need support, not guilt.

Remember, you're beautiful and you deserve the best. Feel free to PM me anytime. <3
Take care of yourself, and stay safe.