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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Algernon Offline
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Question The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 13th 2009, 12:04 AM

List the jokes you've heard, or your favorite jokes. I'm in a laughing kind of mood. Bored.

What happens when a blue ship and a red ship crash into each other? Marooned.

"Daddy is God a man or a woman?"
"He is both"
"Is he black or white"
"He is both"
"Daddy... Is God Michael Jackson?"

What's brown and sticky? A Stick.

Did you hear about that guy who got the left side of his body cut off? Yeah, but he's all right now.

What kind of cheese just isn't yours? Nacho chese.
  Send a message via Yahoo to Algernon  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Anonymous19 Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 13th 2009, 04:34 AM

"Hi I'm Chris, would you like to have intercourse with me." (believe it or not, I'm a virgin)

"Chris, you look just like my daughter "

Me:Hey mom guess what?
Me:I got your nose *does cute little gesture*
Me *stares blankly at her*...................................
Mom:.............................................. .........*walks away*
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
anomie Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 23rd 2009, 05:09 AM

So e^x is walking down the road one day when suddenly he sees a constant function screaming and running for his life. "What's the matter?" he asks. "IT'S THE DIFFERENTIAL OPERATOR! IF HE SEES ME HE'LL DIFFERENTIATE ME AND NOTHING WILL BE LEFT OF ME!" e^x shrugs him off. "oh, he won't harm me, I'M e to the x!"

So e^x keeps walking along his merry way, and of course he meets the differential operator...
e^x: Hi, I'm e^x.
Diff. op: Hi, I'm d/dy

  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Tara. Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 23rd 2009, 06:30 AM

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven eight (ate) nine.

To you, everything's funny. - -
I'd give all I have, honey. - If you could stay like that.
Stay this little. - - I won't let nobody hurt you.
Just try to never grow up. - - Never grow up.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Gaia Offline
same same, but different.
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 23rd 2009, 10:58 AM

Moved to chit-chat... not really a game.

"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

"To die, would be an awfully big adventure."~ Peter Pan

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

~ The Buddha

14-04-2010. R.R <3
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Memoirs Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 24th 2009, 12:54 AM

So hydrogen and oxygen walk into a bar,
Gold comes in and says A U get outta the bar!
(Au is the chemical symbol for gold=D)

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up"

Mark Twain
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
FastForward2012 Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 24th 2009, 12:55 AM

Pretty inappropriate:

How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?

Her tampon is behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.


To Write Love On Her Arms<3
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
anomie Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 24th 2009, 12:55 AM

Mathematicians never die, they just lose their functions.
Chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Hyper Sonic Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 24th 2009, 01:02 AM

f(x) walks into a bar. The barman turns around and tells him "I'm sorry but we don't cater for functions"

Why was e^x lonely at the party? Because every time he tried to integrate he ended up with himself

Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023

A white bear and a brown bear fall into water, which dissolves? The white bear because it is polar

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The barman replied, "For you, no charge."

Where does bad light end up? In a prism
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Deep Brown Eyes Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 25th 2009, 05:35 PM

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."
One of my all time favourites

  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Cullen Offline
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Re: The "List Your Jokes" Thread - February 25th 2009, 06:09 PM

My all-time favourites, simple as they are

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.

^^^They never fail to please.


How do you get an elephant down from a tree?
Tell him to sit on a leaf and wait until autumn.


The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows...
Keep The Blood In Your Head, And Keep Your Feet On The Ground.

Nov 29th 2010 <3

Do I Divide And Fall Apart?
My Bright's Too Slight To Hold Back All My Dark.
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