Parental Control

[BluEiis]

Should parents be allowed to have complete control over their children's lives? I have a friend who cannot wear pants or shorts.. Only skirts, dresses, and this vile creation called "culottes"..... Her parents don't allow her to do anything. She can't text or talk to boys at all. My cousin is seventeen, and he cannot buy anything without permission from his parents, and he can't answer a call unless he asks his parents for permission. Our setter on the volleyball team had to quit, because her dad refused to let her play games on Saturdays, cause that is a sacred day. I feel like these are unnecessary restrictions.. Should a [arent be allowed to control every aspect of a child's life? Wouldn't that impair decision making abilities?

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

Not only that, but it may also cause them to rebel and not follow the rules/law when they get older.

[losing touch.]

There's being strict but those examples are a bit extreme. I don't think parents should control their kids lives very strictly, no. I've always grown up with as much freedom as i wanted. I was allowed to date whenever i wanted, i was allowed to stay out late and could choose my own clothes from when i was about 6 or 7. I think putting such strict rules on a child is unfair. They're not going to develop their own personality or be at all street wise. When it comes to them moving out and going to university or getting a job they're going to be so sheltered from the real world that they'll cope badly. There is of course a balance, i'm not saying parents shouldn't care about their kids but a bit of freedom is good.

[QuantumModulus]

Originally Posted by BluEiis

Should parents be allowed to have complete control over their children's lives? I have a friend who cannot wear pants or shorts.. Only skirts, dresses, and this vile creation called "culottes"..... Her parents don't allow her to do anything. She can't text or talk to boys at all. My cousin is seventeen, and he cannot buy anything without permission from his parents, and he can't answer a call unless he asks his parents for permission. Our setter on the volleyball team had to quit, because her dad refused to let her play games on Saturdays, cause that is a sacred day. I feel like these are unnecessary restrictions.. Should a [arent be allowed to control every aspect of a child's life? Wouldn't that impair decision making abilities?

I think that there should be more balance with parental control over a child's life -- in most cases, the parents have a better idea of where the kid should go to school, what time he/she should be allowed to stay out of the house until, medical care, and education about things that wouldn't necessarily be covered in much detail in school (like how to manage a home), etc -- but, I don't think that it should be the domain of the parent to decide who the child associates with, unless it's an obviously detrimental influence (i.e., a drug addict/dealer). I also don't think that it should be the choice of the parent to decide what clothes his/her child wears, as long as it doesn't interfere with any preset restrictions by the school which he/she attends. Outward appearance is a large part of self-expression for a lot of kids now.

As for purchases...as long as it isn't illegal, and if the kid's earned the money by him/herself, I don't see any reason as to why the kid shouldn't decide what it is that he/she buys.

I think religious restrictions are right out. The reason, in my opinion, that religion is so unbelievably widespread, is that parents are far too strict on their children about what religion is true -- or indoctrinate their children so vigorously as toddlers that they don't know about any other religions. I think that it should be the job of the parent not to promote or enforce one religion, but rather to give them a widespread look at a large variety, leading the child to come to his/her own conclusions. If one is forced to believe something irrational or intolerant as a very young child, how can we say that we're giving him the opportunity to have an open and rational mindset about those he's going to encounter as an adult?

Overall, the degree to which parents have domain over their children's lives is a very relative topic, and it's going to vary according each family's values -- but I think that there are far too many cases in which it just crosses the line, just like in the examples you gave.

[Aletheia*]

In these cases, the parents are going a bit overboard. No pants or shorts, but skirts? In my eyes, that's a 100 times worse than letting your kid wear shorts. No games on Saturday's because it's a sacred day? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he getting that mixed up with Sunday's? Asking a parents permission to answer a phone call? If that's the case, don't buy him a cell phone.

Parents these days are ridiculous. I think setting some ground rules is necessary, but keeping them from doing anything out right is only asking for rebellion and breaking of laws. Or, they could grow up in society not knowing how to protect themselves because their parents have done it their entire life for them. This is why most kids want to go away for college, or to move out at 18, even though most of them know they can't handle it.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

Originally Posted by ShannonPants

In these cases, the parents are going a bit overboard. No pants or shorts, but skirts? In my eyes, that's a 100 times worse than letting your kid wear shorts. No games on Saturday's because it's a sacred day? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he getting that mixed up with Sunday's? Asking a parents permission to answer a phone call? If that's the case, don't buy him a cell phone.

Parents these days are ridiculous. I think setting some ground rules is necessary, but keeping them from doing anything out right is only asking for rebellion and breaking of laws. Or, they could grow up in society not knowing how to protect themselves because their parents have done it their entire life for them. This is why most kids want to go away for college, or to move out at 18, even though most of them know they can't handle it.

The sacred days vary by the faith they practice Muslims holy day is Friday Jews are on Saturday and Christians usually hold most of their services on Sunday, so no that is not confusing the days.

[Nostalgia]

I think its wrong that parents try to control ever aspect of their children's/child's lives. I am 20 nearly 21 and my parents have only recently dropped my curfew . I still have to ask permission to do things. I think it is wrong that parents try to control most or every aspect of their children's/child's lives. It gives them no independence and will not prepare them for a life away from home.

I know some parents do this due to religious reasons and cultural reasons and family backgrounds and the way the they were bought up as children by their parents. Some parents do it simply because they care and think its the best way to care for their child / children. Others do it simply because they are overprotective. Or simply cannot bear to see their child grow up so they try to control every aspect of their children's/child's lives in an way to keep them as their 'baby'. It depends on the situation. So with that in mind - it is wrong in some ways but in other ways if its religious reasons ect it's not really right to say its wrong because thats their religion and its the right way to them. but to us it seems wrong.

[Casey.]

I think it seriously depends on the child. The religious practices I can understand but not so much the phone calls.vThose are extreme cases though. Parents need to have some control, while still letting their child have responsibilities.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

I think too at a certain point the parents can't control their children, even if they live under their roof. Once you an adult if the parents do not like what their "children" do then they may EVICT them, if they so choose.

[Anthropomorphic]

Some parents fall in love with the illusion absolute power that having kids gives them. On a technical and theoretical level, a kid absolutely must do what he/she is told by his/her parents until reaching adulthood. And there's little the kid can do about it, because parents have almost unlimited control by legal definition as long as they aren't abusive or neglectful.

What these parents probably don't realize is that their children are going to be woefully unprepared for the real world. They're restricting the ability to make choices, and everything in adulthood is about choice. These kids are going to be hopeless.

Some day, I'll probably have kids (yes, terrifying, Casey having children). There are going to be rules, restrictions, expectations and guidelines. But for so much of the rules and being told what to do, it's up to the kids to learn plenty of things on their own. If you're never given the chance to make mistakes and do stupid things, you'll never learn the lessons provided. Concordantly, my restrictions will mostly be by consequence, not principle. A child will only be banned from doing something if it's clearly a bad idea, or they've lost the privilege by misbehaving.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

The religious example is neither here nor there because the child may be very devout overall plus I'm inherently biased on the topic.

The other examples may be unfair unless the child cannot function without such restrictions or the restrictions are a form of severe punishment when other forms failed. If these two exceptions do not apply, then the parents' treatment is unfair and harms the child in the long-term. The child may feel the need to rebel in order to have an ounce of freedom and this rebellion can spread to other forms of authority, such as teachers. It can also lead the child to become over-dependent on others. The restrictions can imply the child is too incompetent to do basic daily tasks without heavy involvement from the parents and it's obvious how this can lead to harms. The last harm (although there are plenty of others) is the parents restrict the child from doing what they may want to do or excel it. For example, a child may be very intelligent, capable and interested in, say, medicine, but the parents' restrictions may prevent the child from exploring their interests and applying their intellect.

I believe a child under 18 years old is subject to following the parents' rules when under their roof BUT is allowed to refuse to follow the rules when they are harmful. If and when I have kids, I would impose rules on preventing them from going all out in sports when it affects their overall academic performance. If they hope for a sports scholarship, that's fine but have higher grades in other academic fields in case the scholarship fails, child decides on something else and to assist in basic daily function (i.e. mental math).

Parents doing such excessive control may be afraid to see their children grow up and are over-protective. They may think they're helping and protecting the child, which in some respects they are but may not be able to step back and see where their style of child-raising falters. I believe children require some freedom but not total freedom. I would restrict some freedom as a form of punishment but this punishment is brief. The parents who do excessive control are punishing their children repeatedly and may not notice they are.

I would be willing to say such up-bringing is a form of child abuse. Overall, if your kid cannot take a shit without asking you first and you have them clean the bathroom, inspect their cleaning, then finally allow them to take a shit, something is wrong with the parent and child.