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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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Terrified. - November 17th 2012, 07:02 PM

Okay. For those of you who don't know, I've had a religious change of heart. Back to what I used to be, actually.

So, I'm studying paganism again, and preparing to try it again (I was a pagan for two years, before friends and family combined to "save" me). I printed off some research on the magickal properties, and messed it up because our printer sucks.

My Christian mom comes home, prints off something, and all the papers I was trying to print off fall out at her feet. So she gathers them up, brings them in and looks at me, and I automatically know something's up. "I don't want this in my house. You know what this could lead to, right?" she kept saying, over and over and over again... I told her to quit talking to me like I was two, but otherwise said nothing, just stared.

I couldn't. I was too terrified. The last time she found out about me being a pagan, she denounced my Gods to my face so badly and with such little heed of my feelings, that I ended up crying and almost running away. While I don't think I'll act like my twelve year old self...

I just feel like puking right now, I'm so scared of what she might do. I think she knows where my notes and research is, too, because she looked right at the place where it was with such great suspicion... I'm hoping she won't burn my work.

What should I do?


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1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Terrified. - November 17th 2012, 07:42 PM

Clear your history after you use your computer. Hide your notes better or write them in a word document. It is possible to password protect word documents. You could take notes in a notebook that looks like it's for school. If you speak another language write notes in that language, or you could try these:

http://www.omniglot.com/writing/conscripts.htm#english

They're constructed scripts for English. Honestly, I would recommend not telling your parents. If you decide this is the right religion for you tell them when you're on your own and they have limited control over you. If you do want to tell them make sure you can explain why you've stopped believing in their religion and now believe in paganism.
   
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Re: Terrified. - November 17th 2012, 07:47 PM

I'd agree. Just hide it from your folks if this is what you believe in. Don't keep your materials at home- a locker might be a good bet for books and notes on Paganism. If you're worried about her digging through your internet history, study it on a school or library computer.
   
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Re: Terrified. - November 18th 2012, 01:53 AM

I think that until your mom can be more reasonable you might want to, like the others said, just hide your stuff better. Remove it from the house if you can or put everything on a computer and save it on a jump drive that you can keep with you at all times.
I think it is hard for a lot of people even if they aren't Christian to accept Paganism, I think they associate it with stuff like wikka or being a druid or voudou, which there is nothing wrong with any of that it's just that people aren't educated properly and are like "HOLY SHIT WITCH CRAFT AHHH BURN THE WITCH!!". And there is a lot of stigma when it comes to paganism, and I'd love give an explanation but I can't put my finger on it, but it boils down to a lack of understanding, it's not a major religion so people aren't as aware of it.
Then there is also that Christian desire to "save" everyone else. Not every Christian is like that, but some are so that is another problem. And that combined with a fear of Witch craft could be scaring your mom. Like I once had a super Christian evangelical girl tell me that they (her and her siblings) can't watch Harry Potter because "they don't believe in magic" and I just remember looking at her and being like "well, neither do I but that's not going to stop me from watching a movie". Of course I don't know what type of Christian your mom is so I can really only go so far into why she is reacting like that.
In any case I think you should at some point you should maybe consider talking to her about it. I wouldn't suggest that you tell her you ARE a pagan, especially if you are afraid of her because you need to be able to feel safe in your home. But I'd give her time to let the feelings over this latest incident to cool then you could go to her and be like "look, mom we had a bit of a problem a while back with my research and interest in paganism. I just wanted to be able to have an open discussion with you about it and why I was interested in it. You have nothing to worry about right now, i just want you to hear me out and let me tell you what i was learning about" you might be safer letting her thing you are just researching it for now... Don't tell her you ARE a pagan, just word everything in a way to skirt around your beliefs.
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Re: Terrified. - November 19th 2012, 02:02 PM

I managed to pass it off, but barely, as research for a story I'm writing. She was able to calm down quite a bit, and discuss her worries with me, though I wasn't able to defend my case because I had to say it was simply "research".

My plan actually was to tell her after I leave for college, but it's going to take a lot of thought to avoid causing a rift in our family because of this, I realized.

I actually really do like the idea of encrypting my notes in another script, but as my mom has allowed the continuance of my "research" for the time-being, it's purpose might already be defeated.


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1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Terrified. - November 21st 2012, 10:28 PM

If you fear your own religion with someone like your mum, who would never do you harm, them maybe your own body is telling you that your own religion cant stand up to hers. I don't want to put you down, but as a Christian myself, I cant help but ask you this question...how can you believe that nature is God, when we as humans can affect it so much?


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Re: Terrified. - November 21st 2012, 11:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingForGrace View Post
If you fear your own religion with someone like your mum, who would never do you harm, them maybe your own body is telling you that your own religion cant stand up to hers. I don't want to put you down, but as a Christian myself, I cant help but ask you this question...how can you believe that nature is God, when we as humans can affect it so much?
Nature isn't God; I don't believe in God. Nature's a part of the God and Goddess, and the God and Goddess are a part of nature.

And yes, my religion can stand up to hers. I simply don't believe in causing an argument where it can be avoided, especially one with someone who absolutely refuses to accept that I have a different opinion, and that my opinion isn't evil.

And, my mom can do me harm. I was a pagan for three years, before becoming a half-Christian for all of six months, because my friends and family wouldn't leave me alone about my religion. (Yes, I succumbed to peer pressure, and I'm ashamed of it, but I'm trying to fix it).

Anyway, the last time I tried to tell my mom I was a pagan, she cut off all my internet access, refused to let me go on my usual nature walks, checked my friends and refused to let me talk to the ones who were non-Christian or pagan, and threatened to burn all my history books, because they had "graven images" in them. If you think that's not "harm," then please, elaborate to me on how it is not.


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1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Terrified. - November 22nd 2012, 03:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingForGrace View Post
If you fear your own religion with someone like your mum, who would never do you harm, them maybe your own body is telling you that your own religion cant stand up to hers. I don't want to put you down, but as a Christian myself, I cant help but ask you this question...how can you believe that nature is God, when we as humans can affect it so much?

I think that a parent who is afraid of letting their child explore other religions and come to their own conclusion about their faith is doing harm. It is probably unintentional but it is still harmful.

While I believe in God and identify with Christianity I think EVERYONE has the right to explore other religions and try and decide which faith is best suited for them. I think there would be nothing wrong with the OP's mom sitting down with her and explaining her worries and concerns about her choice in faith but it is not right of her to restrict her from exploring that religion.

I know that having religion forced down my throat has always been a sore spot for me and it is one of the reasons I contemplated turning away from the faith.

I mean absolutely no disrespect but her religion should be one that speaks out to her and makes her feel something...It should be something she is truly passionate about. If Christianity is not working for her than she needs to explore the other religions and figure it all out for herself.

As to the OP, if your mom is currently allowing you to continue doing the research than that is great but I think it would be wise to consider preparing yourself for when/if she tells you to stop. I think it would be really hard if you were blindsided and didn't have a back up plan. I think that some of the other posts have listed some great ways for you to go about making a plan such as:

1. Clearing your computers history
2. Printing research outside of the house so you won't have any mishaps with printing. I know that my local library charges 10 cents per piece of paper. That would require you spending some money but it might be a good option.
3. Encrypting your notes
4. Hiding your notes.

Now, I honestly do not condone people hiding things from their parents because it can build walls and prevent you from going to them with future problems etc. However, if it is going to lessen the problems that you may have to face if your mom knows about this then I think you should wait until College or a time when you are less dependent on her.

You have every right to explore this religion and you should not let anyone stop you. If you feel this religion is best for you than you should explore it, learn about it and grow from it.


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Re: Terrified. - November 23rd 2012, 12:41 AM

Honestly I feel like every person has a right to believe freely. If this is the religion you chose you have every right to stand up for yourself. If your family feels otherwise it may result in termoil but ultimatly its up to you weather it is more important to remail faithful to your beliefs or sercum to your families ill informed point of view


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Re: Terrified. - November 23rd 2012, 01:47 AM

Thanks everyone for your support. It feels nice to just tell someone outright... Not even the best of my friends are really excepting of wicca and paganism, as a general rule. They don't understand it, and it makes me feel kind of... Bad.


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1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Terrified. - November 25th 2012, 04:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SemperExpectantes. View Post
Thanks everyone for your support. It feels nice to just tell someone outright... Not even the best of my friends are really excepting of wicca and paganism, as a general rule. They don't understand it, and it makes me feel kind of... Bad.
I don't understand it either...so, if you don't mind (and you don't have to) could you answer these questions.

1. What is the religion about?
2. Who is the higher being?
3. Why are they worthy of worship?
4. What happens when you worship them?

And any other info that may help me understand it better.


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Re: Terrified. - November 26th 2012, 10:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingForGrace View Post
I don't understand it either...so, if you don't mind (and you don't have to) could you answer these questions.

1. What is the religion about?
2. Who is the higher being?
3. Why are they worthy of worship?
4. What happens when you worship them?

And any other info that may help me understand it better.
  1. The religion means different things to different people (it's a personal thing). To me, it stands for equality of the sexes (in that we worship both God and Goddess), for open-mindedness (in that we don't talk down to gays, lesbians, or anyone else), for happiness, and for freedom within the bounds of personal morality. It also stands for goodness to others, with the rede ("An it harm none, do as ye will).
  2. The God and Goddess are the higher beings.
  3. They're worthy of worship because I see them as such. I feel a connection with them, and I love the methods pagans and Wiccans use to worship them. To me, it's more believeable because I feel their presence, and I stand for what they stand for. And, I like the fact that I can talk to either a male or a female god, depending on my personal needs.
  4. I feel happy.
The reason I feel bad when I talk to my friends about this is because they're all Christians, and they all insist on saving me, and many shun me for it. I've learned to keep quiet about it unless asked, and that seems to be the most effective method of avoiding guilt at being "unable" to be the best friend I could be, due to my religion.


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1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Terrified. - November 26th 2012, 11:55 PM

I always feel bad reading posts like this. Choice of religion should be personal and not up to scrutiny from others especially parents. I went through the same thing even having my own books and notes burned. Remember though that being yourself is what will make you truly happy. Never lose yourself to anyone. It always will get better.


"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror; to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." -Frank Herbert

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Re: Terrified. - November 27th 2012, 12:33 AM

Ana,

I really liked reading why you chose the Pagan faith as your religion and I think the key to all of this is staying strong in what you believe. I know it is hard when other people are telling you that it is wrong etc but if that is the belief that you feel most comfortable with do not let anyone persuade you otherwise.

I would also like to add that as you get older, go away to college etc you are likely to find people that believe in the same religion as you or are a bit more accepting. So, just because you are facing these challenges now does not mean that it will always be that way.

I honestly wish you the best and if you need anything please feel free to pm/vm.


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Re: Terrified. - December 4th 2012, 07:27 AM

Surely she knows the importance of spirituality. Perhaps you could talk to her and ask to see a counselor to make a compromise; is there any room for that? If not, you'll probably have to wait till you move out. Also, you can put your notes in your binders, if you are in school.

I was researching the pagan path, but I decided to go UU. I do have some tips. I agree with ''clearing history''. However, you can download another internet browser on the computer and use that one. Don't make a desktop shortcut on the computer; access it the long way. That way you don't have to clear the history like a criminal...You're not looking at porn =.= I'd also advise against using altars, casting circles, and magickal practices for the time being, at least until she becomes less vehement. This is what she fears, so just stick to admiring the God and Goddess in nature.

Just keep being patient and keep respecting her spirituality. That said, I truly admire people who go the Pagan route of spirituality. So much opposition, and almost everyone who follows it is demonized as Satan worshipers. Blessed be )O(

Last edited by Talinn; December 4th 2012 at 07:33 AM.
   
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