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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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dj_chicharito Offline
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Interfaith marriage - February 27th 2013, 11:51 AM

I'm a hindu but not really that religious so to speak...haven't gone to the temple willingly at all and don't believe any religious story anyone tells me but my girlfriend is a very religious christian(goes to church every sunday and sometimes in the week also, choir singer, etc etc) but she and I get along really well and have been dating almost 2 and a half years. It would be very difficult for us to break up now due to social reasons and we don't want to break up either which means we probably are going to end up married. But for the sake of knowing what are the rules for marrying a christian? I've heard they are quite strict about it specially if you want a christian wedding and a mass
   
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Re: Interfaith marriage - February 27th 2013, 04:49 PM

Hey,

Are you really sure you want to get married to her? The first reason you listed that you can't break up is because of social reasons? Which makes me think 1) that's not a very good reason to marry someone and 2) you have thought about breaking up before.

Have you two talked about marriage? Does she want to marry someone who is not Christian? Does she want to raise a family with someone who is not Christian? Would you be comfortable raising your children Christian? Would you be comfortable having them baptized and christened and taking them to church every week? Do you really want to spend your life like that?

I am saying all of this because it wouldn't be just an interfaith wedding, if she wants to remain Christian and raise Christian children, you would be living in a Christian family for the rest of your life. Are you OK with doing that?




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Re: Interfaith marriage - February 28th 2013, 06:52 PM

I think that the marriage itself is one thing. You may not be able to get married in a church because it is consecrated ground and you are a hindu and not baptized (I face similar problems as an unbaptized atheist). But not all denominations hold this rule. I think most Lutheran pastors will accept/allow intermarriages in their church in Canada at least. In North America and Europe (not 100% sure about Africa and Asia) the Christian wedding ceremonies work something like this: father walks daughter down the isle, kisses her cheek/forhead/face and she goes to stand across from her husband on the alter where a pastor does a whole big talk. They also have wedding parties which typically includes a maid of honour, a bridesmaid or 2 and a flower girl for the woman and a best man, an usher or 2, and a ring boy for the man. Typically the flower girl and ring bearer are young, like under 10, and the bridesmaid, maid of honour, best man and ushers are older, like siblings or best friends of the bride and groom. The bride is supposed to wear a white dress (white symbolizes purity) and it's "bad luck" for the groom to se the dress before the wedding... This is hugely simplified, but I am ot sure if the Christian wedding customs are of interest.

Some Christian denominations may require you to convert even if you already are a Christian (ex. convert from Protestantism to Catholicism) but like I already said, its not always the case.

As Lizzie said a huge issue will be how you will raise the kids. If she is serious about Christianity is is very likely she expects to be able to raise any children she has as Christians and even if you are not very devout about Hinduism there are a lot of values that you'd teach that come from that learning which will affect what you teach your children the values you want them to emulate. Like i can barely imagine sitting by while my children are taught to be Christians. It's not that I have a problem with Christianity I could probably even date a Christian. but raising my children as such would be a challenge due to the fact that it approaches values from a completely different angle than I approach them (ex. murder is wrong, but the reason I think it's wrong is NOT because the bible told me so, i think it is wrong because it harms another person, it take away their chance to have a life). So that is a major factor but that being said, a lot of families will not be to challenged by it as much, I think it depends on what your beliefs are and all of that. But in the case where you aren't particularly religious and she is you may want to defer to her religion and allow the kids to be Christian if that's what she wants, but that depends how complacent you are to the whole matter. But I suggest this because I don't know why would you raise your children Hindu if you yourself are not even a practicing Hindu (just a Hindu by upbringing) but nor are you necessarily an atheist (or else I am guessing you would have identified as such). I mean, in where you're beliefs are the same, go with that, but there their different so one of you will either have to accept one direct upbringing or find a way to blend it (ex. church and choir but also Hinduism practices)

It would be a good idea to talk to your girlfriend, see what she expects in marriage and with children, The actual arrangement of your ability to get along I am sure will be fine--you've been dating for a while and I am guessing it is not a problem because not never mentioned it as a problem between you too. But since you can't really break up nor do you want to (according to you) obviously at the very least you'll have to work it out so you might want to find out.




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Re: Interfaith marriage - February 28th 2013, 07:33 PM

The bible tells Chrstians to only marry other Christians and to not be bound together with unbeleivers. Any church that will allow you to get married is a church that isn't following the bible in that aspect. Not saying they aren't really Christians, because I don't know them...but they are at least mistaken about that partif they do allow it.

Also, like others have said, marrying someone because you have to is never a good idea. It is going to cause problems.
   
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Re: Interfaith marriage - March 1st 2013, 02:36 AM

Megan; I think the Bible says this because of potential problems between different value systems. It isn't exactly a sin. It's just a guideline to avoid problems. You aren't going to go to hell if you married a Jew or something of the sort.
That being said, I know a lot of families who don't want their kids to marry out of their religions (ex. if your Muslim only being able to marry another Muslim or MAYBE a Jew or a Christian but NOT a Hindu cause its polytheistic and DEFINITELY NOT an atheist) but it depends on who you talk to.
But regardless of whether you think it matters or not, since they're practically being forced to get married clearly her family isn't bothered by the fact that he's not a Christian... It's really a matter of a particular communities/families beliefs




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Re: Interfaith marriage - March 2nd 2013, 07:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dj_chicharito View Post
I'm a hindu but not really that religious so to speak...haven't gone to the temple willingly at all and don't believe any religious story anyone tells me but my girlfriend is a very religious christian(goes to church every sunday and sometimes in the week also, choir singer, etc etc) but she and I get along really well and have been dating almost 2 and a half years. It would be very difficult for us to break up now due to social reasons and we don't want to break up either which means we probably are going to end up married. But for the sake of knowing what are the rules for marrying a christian? I've heard they are quite strict about it specially if you want a christian wedding and a mass
It depends on the Church, and the person. You say your girlfriend is very religious. Just because one goes to Church frequently, or is a choir singer, doesn't make them very religious. If she was I think you two would have broken up over a difference in your value system by now. Have you talked to your girlfriend about it? If you are planning to marry her, you should probably be open with her about your concerns and address them. She can probably answer your questions for your case better than anyone here. It really just depends on the Church and the person. Talk to her.


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Re: Interfaith marriage - March 11th 2013, 06:26 AM

The main reason inter-faith marriages become difficult is children. How are you going to raise the family? As Lizzie said, do you want your kids to be baptized and raised Christian? Or, perhaps your partner is not so strict that she will instill Christian values into her children. Maybe the two of you don't want children at all.

Are you sure you wouldn't rather marry someone of a similar belief to you? There's no reason you have to marry this girl just because you don't want to break up. Just keep dating and take things slow and see how it goes - that would be my first suggestion; what's the rush? Who knows? Maybe in time you'll decide you would like to be Christian, and the two of you can raise a Christian family some day. Or, vice versa, and she will convert to Hinduism. Maybe you can find some compromise in the middle. Different couples are able to make different things work. The thing is, if you don't know how to make it work yet, you aren't ready to get married yet. Whatever you decide, you want to work it out with her before you say "I do."
   
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