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Religion and Spirituality, Science and Philosophy Use this forum to discuss what you believe in. This is a place where everyone may share their views freely.

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BB112 Offline
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I HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT TO DO - May 12th 2017, 06:14 PM

So right now my family isn't in the best state; my parents are very religious and they expect us to continue to stay within the religion. However, recently my brother told my parents that he longer wanted to be part of it and started to hang out with his friends until late at night causing my parents to worry about him even more when they were already depressed that he had stopped being part of the religion. My brother doesn't want to even talk with my parents and he's going to leave for college in 3 months but my parents don't want him to leave without having come into peace terms so they continue to try to talk to him making him more mad. I, being the younger child, have to try to be the mediator for the family and making sure that I'm in good terms with everybody. But this stresses me out so much because I can't even express my own feelings to anyone have to make sure that I seem as if that my life is perfect. But I too want to stop being part of my religion that I currently only because I want to try to keep making my parents happy. I want to leave my religion but I don't know when I should tell my parents that I no longer want to go there, the sooner the better but should I wait for my brother to leave for college?
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Re: I HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT TO DO - May 12th 2017, 07:34 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with so much stress. Being in the middle of family conflicts is never easy. I'm glad you decided to come to us for help!

It may seem like it, but you are not responsible for being the mediator between your brother and your parents. While you can encourage your brother to be more receptive to your parents efforts and encourage your parents to be more open to your brothers decision to walk away from your religion, you can't force it to happen. It's likely that his decision to walk away from the religion came as a shock to your parents and is going to take some time to get used to. But, overall, it's up to them to repair their relationship and come to terms with the beliefs of one another.

Personally, I think the best time to tell your parents that you no longer want to participate in their religious beliefs and practices is when YOU feel most comfortable doing so. I walked away from the religion that my parents follow years ago, but continued to attend services with them until I was 18, simply because I knew it would make it easier in my particular situation. If you feel like you're ready to tell them now, go for it! If you want to wait a little bit longer and figure out where you stand with religion in general (if you want to follow another religion or if you are stepping away from religion entirely), that's perfectly fine too. Take your time thinking about it and what will happen if you do tell them (will your home life become more difficult, will it cause added strain on your own relationship with your parents because of everything going on with your brother, etc.) and make the decision that you feel is right for you based on that.

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Re: I HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT TO DO - May 13th 2017, 04:30 AM

Hello there,
I have moved this on over to the religion section as I feel your thread fits here more and others are able to give suggestions.

Sometimes, we can't change someone's decision on them coming back and your parents need to somehow accept this as it isn't your job to solve their relationship with your brother. Your brother did explain to your parents he no longer wants to be a part of the religion, which it is his choice, but it is also good that he told your parents this.

Being stuck in the middle is hard as you may not be able to archive what you are wanting to happen. This should be between your brother and your parents. This doesn't mean you should stop talking to your brother or parents, this just means they need to be able to resolve the issue.

I can understand how your parents want him to come in peace in terms, but this is your brothers decision to make.

Are you able to talk to your parents about this and how it is making you feel, being in the middle and trying to resolve this, when they (your brother and parents) are the ones that need to talk it through? It might be helpful for them to know this and how it is affecting you.

Do you know what you would want to say to your parents about you wanting to leave the religion? You could always ask your brother for some ideas as he has already told your parents. It could just mean you need to be blunt and express that you no longer want to go to the religion anymore and want to leave. Are you able to make a pro and con list about if you were to leave the religion and another for staying? This might be helpful for you. If you feel comfortable telling your parents and are comfortable and ready to leave the religion then you should do what you feel is right and what you want.

I hope this was a little helpful.

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Re: I HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT TO DO - May 13th 2017, 09:18 AM


I'm sorry to hear that this is so hard for you to deal with. As said above, you are not responsible for being the mediator or for making sure everybody gets along. You can't control your brother or your parents, and this is between them (though it's obvious the stress is affecting you), trust them to deal with it and let yourself off the hook. You also don't have to have a perfect life, or appear that everything is fine if it isn't. No one is perfect and you're allowed to have feelings and express them without worrying about making everyone else happy. You are responsible for your relationships with each of your family members, and that's all.

As for when to tell them you want to step away from their religion, that's entirely up to you. I would suggest not doing it right now until things calm down between them and your brother. You don't want to involve yourself in their conflict. It would be a lot to process for them.

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Re: I HAVE NOT IDEA WHAT TO DO - May 22nd 2017, 06:37 AM

So BB112 what do you believe and what do your parents believe? What church do they go to?
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