Triggering: Sexual Healing video

[ReluctantPegasister]

So this is by the same guy who did the "Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus" video. It's about sex. I'd love to hear everyone's opinions on it.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFv..._order&list=UL

My comment on this video (sorry if it is fuzzy):

[Angel]

He needs to get out more and stop putting his nose is other people's bedroom affairs.

There are many women who are completely comfortable with their sexuality and some choose to have casual sex. Premarital sex does not = emotionless sex either. What a douche.
What's even more frightening is to read the comments.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

This guy is fucking stupid.

[kiwi_fish_bunny]

this video just confused me, i have watched his other one and loved it, but this one, some points seem valid, that is SOME.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I kept getting distracted because he was bouncing up and down like a racquetball. His "rap" was terrible, hardly any flow and it takes a while to understand to figure out his point, however, once I did figure it out, I disliked it even more. He suggests sex outside of marriage is devoid of emotion and is equivalent to rape as the female greatly suffers.

I was "healed" by this video at 4:52.

[dr2005]

Am I the only one who saw this thread title and thought it was about the Marvin Gaye song? Spent quite a bit of time trying to work out what that had to do with philosophy before actually clicking on the thread.

Anyway, having watched the video this is actually about, I'm not sure I can agree with a lot of the comments posted either there or on here unfortunately. To me, it looks like a lot of people are missing the point he was actually trying to make. He wasn't comparing premarital sex to rape, or claiming it's entirely devoid of emotion, or a lot of the stuff that has been thrown his way. What he was trying to point out, from what I saw, is that there is more to sex than the purely physical act of intercourse (and that is a biological truth whether we like it or not), and encouraging people to think about it a little more rather than just letting their hormones do the talking. We do have something called self-control. He also wasn't calling out premarital sex, either - he explained why HE wasn't engaging in it anymore, but actually said he was digressing from his main point and as far as I can tell made no further comment on the matter. Please correct me if I am wrong. The rape point was admittedly a bit blunt, but he was right insofar as it causes emotional harm as well as physical, which supports the wider point he was making about sex in the first place. The rest of the message was broadly about looking at people AS people, rather than as a means of getting off, and while I respect the right for people to dictate their own sex lives I don't see why that message is so problematic.

And if it does get you worked up, just watch this one instead.

[ReluctantPegasister]

I'm going to quote a comment I saw on this video this morning:

He keeps talking about what "She" wants.
You don't know what "She" wants because no two women are the same.
The way you say "respect" her implies that somehow having sex disrespects her.
Denying yourself one kind of pleasure will not make another kind better.
Denying yourself casual sex will not make sex with your soul mate better.

---Morkindie

Mostly because I think it's interesting.

[Loving Linux Penguin]

Okay, if he's actually trying to imply that recreational sex is ALWAYS harmful rape, he's full of s***. And I also wish to point out that there is a different between having sex with someone you love before marriage, and having sex just because it physically feels good--he's making a generalization that isn't true.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

Originally Posted by Loving Linux Penguin

Okay, if he's actually trying to imply that recreational sex is ALWAYS harmful rape, he's full of s***. And I also wish to point out that there is a different between having sex with someone you love before marriage, and having sex just because it physically feels good--he's making a generalization that isn't true.

I concur.
This guy seems to think the only kind of relationship that can generate sufficient emotion to satiate his twisted sense of intimacy is marriage.
I also find his comparisons to rape quite over-the-top and uncalled for. Whilst I am aware he is not labelling premarital sex rape, or no better than rape, it is excessive and quite ludicous.

[Smitten]

I tend to agree with him, but I am biased as casual sex always made me feel empty and lost afterwards... as a result I haven't in a couple years and don't plan to. Relationships with someone you love are so much more fulfilling.

[Revolution]

Non-PG13 language
I saw this thread a while ago, but was too busy to watch the video. Then, this uneducated Christian girl I know on Facebook posted it on her fucking wall. I was forced.

1. I agree with Nick, the poetry made me cringe. I'm a fan of slam poetry, this "poem" made me cringe. Just because you can string a line together with rhymes does not make you a poet. I don't like him using spoken word as a way to shove bullshit down people's throats.

2. Oh, he obviously can't put on a condom. What a smart man. I'd totally like to listen to an inbicil who cannot protect himself. I love how he's like, you can save yourself from your empty sex life. Just letting this guy know, I am in a wonderful relationship, and we have sex, and sex didn't make things awkward or weird, they just added a new dimension to our relationship.

3. The rape thing. What the fuck. I was not damaged by my first time having sex and I obviously didn't wait til marriage!! Does he know anything?! He's comparing casual sex to sex without consent, sex you have no control over stop and start. What the fuck? "You can't use a condom to protect yourself from scars." Oh my god. Oh my freaking god. This man is an idiot.

[Megan1]

I understand what he was trying to say with the rape comment, and I agree with the statement that he was trying to make (that both are damaging)...but he does need to remember that non-Christians who watch the video aren't going to see it that way because they are damaging in different ways. Rape is damaging as soon as it happens and has a huge emotional effect on the person, while pre-marital sex sometimes only damages the soul and does't damage their emotions. Both are equally wrong, but there is a difference. Both are unloving things to do, because sinning against a person in any way is not loving, whether they consent to it or not.

[dr2005]

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

Non-PG13 language
I saw this thread a while ago, but was too busy to watch the video. Then, this uneducated Christian girl I know on Facebook posted it on her fucking wall. I was forced.

Ouch. Obviously I don't know the person in question, but that sounds a tad harsh...

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

1. I agree with Nick, the poetry made me cringe. I'm a fan of slam poetry, this "poem" made me cringe. Just because you can string a line together with rhymes does not make you a poet. I don't like him using spoken word as a way to shove bullshit down people's throats.

Admittedly I don't think much of his "poetry" either (for one, his metre was shabby), but I'm not sure that justifies calling for censorship in quite the way that last line suggests. Bullshit is in the eye of the beholder to some degree. (Never thought I'd say anything like that in a debate... )

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

2. Oh, he obviously can't put on a condom. What a smart man. I'd totally like to listen to an inbicil who cannot protect himself. I love how he's like, you can save yourself from your empty sex life. Just letting this guy know, I am in a wonderful relationship, and we have sex, and sex didn't make things awkward or weird, they just added a new dimension to our relationship.

That's rather a bold assumption isn't it, claiming he "obviously can't put on a condom" when he provided no further information about it? For all you actually know, he may well have done and it broke, or they used other forms of birth control. You are making, as far as I can tell, an unfounded assumption, and I am quite surprised that you do so. I accept and appreciate that your views on premartial sex differ to his, and welcome the fact that you find it fulfilling. At the same time, that does not mean everyone does and certainly doesn't mandate calling his intelligence into question.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

3. The rape thing. What the fuck. I was not damaged by my first time having sex and I obviously didn't wait til marriage!! Does he know anything?! He's comparing casual sex to sex without consent, sex you have no control over stop and start. What the fuck? "You can't use a condom to protect yourself from scars." Oh my god. Oh my freaking god. This man is an idiot.

I watched the video again just to be sure before I say this: at no point did he compare casual sex with rape. (Nor, for that matter, did he say that line you quoted, so I'm not entirely sure where that came from) Rape was only mentioned once in the entire video, in the context of arguing that sex isn't necessarily just a form of recreation, and that is it. The comments about premarital sex were in the context of his own choice, and his choice alone, and formed a completely different part of the message. By all means criticise him for a somewhat flippant use of the topic - I myself felt it was ever-so-slightly blunt to put it mildly - but at least do so based on how he actually uses it. Misunderstanding is one of the greatest enemies to human knowledge.

Apologies if that comes across a bit strong, but a lot of the comments on here (and not just yours) seem to jar with what actually appears to be in the video and that for me is a concern.

[Revolution]

dr205: I'm going to admit that my entire message, I was very ticked off about this terrible video. The girl is a nice kid, but she is uneducated. I say that in a statement, not really as an insult to her. She's one of those people that starts arguing with teachers in world history because they're teaching that Islam and Christianity are related, you know? Uneducated, not stupid, just uneducated. Here's the rest:

1. Not asking for censorship. He can do whatever he said. I said I don't like him using not I think Youtube needs to remove this video becuase. So yeah...Not sure where you got that idea. And yes, bullshit is in the eye of the beholder? I'm not really sure if that's even an argument. Obviously, some people believe in things I think are bullshit. (Such as, you know, religion) I'm just expressing my opinion about it.

2. Once again, I was really angry with this comment. I'm just tired of people telling us we can't have sex because you had a pregnancy scare. Honestly, condoms don't break that easily if you know how to put them on right, and birth control is very accurate if you know how to take it. In all likelihood, it was unprotected. He even kind of hinted that he was "not smart" in those days, so to be honest, I have the right to make that assumption. Most men in college don't use condoms, I do sexual health education, I know this. But I'm not sure why he's using his pregnancy scare to put judgment on others' sex lives? It's like a complete tangent off his "God" thing, trying to make it more relatable, when really, there's another solution other than abstinence. Obviously, abstinence is the only way to be 100% on not getting pregnant/STIs. But birth control is pretty close.

3. "When her bruises go away is she totally healed?
I mean the damage is lasting, you can see it in her eyes,
If it was just abused recreation, why did it ruin her life?
I mean if sex is just for fun then why on us does it take such a toll,
Maybe its because You don’t have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul."
Traci's rough Translation: "A rape victim doesn't get over her rape even after the physical wounds go away. If sex is just recreation, and rape is just abused sex, why did it ruin her life? We use sex for fun, but why does it take such a toll? Maybe it's because sex isn't just about your body it's about your soul?"

This statement is inaccurate, and is directly relating sex to rape. It is directly saying that all rape is was abused sex, which yes, it is. But the abuse part, that is what is traumatizing about rape. Obviously, if somebody is used for sex within a relationship, that can be trauma too. But if you are consentually choosing to be casually having sex, you don't get hurt. He's purely ignorant to be using rape as an example of somebody getting hurt in sex, rape is an act of control and power, not an act of sex.

Megan1: Both are equally wrong. So the sins I've committed are as bad as a rapist's? That's...interesting to say the least.

[DeadlySin]

Me "Awww I like it."
Boyfriend "What a tool."
-_____-

[dr2005]

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

dr205: I'm going to admit that my entire message, I was very ticked off about this terrible video. The girl is a nice kid, but she is uneducated. I say that in a statement, not really as an insult to her. She's one of those people that starts arguing with teachers in world history because they're teaching that Islam and Christianity are related, you know? Uneducated, not stupid, just uneducated.

I see your point; nonetheless, calling someone "uneducated" is by and large intended as an insult, and certainly how the reasonable person would interpret such a statement. Hence my response.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

1. Not asking for censorship. He can do whatever he said. I said I don't like him using not I think Youtube needs to remove this video becuase. So yeah...Not sure where you got that idea.

The reason I made that comment was that you referred specifically to him "using spoken word", inferring disapproval at the method chosen and consequently inferring a desire to see that corrected. It was not an explicit call for censorship, and with hindsight I should have worded that better so I apologise for that. My point was more that in targeting the means of delivery rather than the message, it comes across more strongly that simple disapproval, hence why it gave the impression I alluded to. It's also why I said "suggestion", not "explicit demand". The point was more that choice of language can sometimes take you down a path you don't intend to.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

And yes, bullshit is in the eye of the beholder? I'm not really sure if that's even an argument. Obviously, some people believe in things I think are bullshit. (Such as, you know, religion) I'm just expressing my opinion about it.

That was meant as part of the wider point about censorship, insomuch as the fact you feel it's bullshit is not sufficient grounds to challenge the use of spoken word to promote it (not that you explicitly did, I add - see above). I could argue that a lot of New Atheist works consist primarily of bullshit, but were I to criticise them using books to promote their ideas I imagine the reaction would be strong to say the least. Hopefully that example illustrates my concern a bit better.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

2. Once again, I was really angry with this comment. I'm just tired of people telling us we can't have sex because you had a pregnancy scare. Honestly, condoms don't break that easily if you know how to put them on right, and birth control is very accurate if you know how to take it. In all likelihood, it was unprotected. He even kind of hinted that he was "not smart" in those days, so to be honest, I have the right to make that assumption. Most men in college don't use condoms, I do sexual health education, I know this.

Leaving aside the use of weasel words, I agree with you that condom usage in college could be significantly better. Be that as it may, without actually knowing that he didn't use a condom or they otherwise screwed up their birth control, you are merely resorting to stereotypes and while that is understandable it is hardly scientific. It's also perhaps slightly unfair on his girlfriend insomuch as it implies she was similarly imbecilic (if we are to refer to it in such terms) for not challenging him on it. It takes two to tango, after all. Again, I say that merely to illustrate the potential danger in such statements.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

But I'm not sure why he's using his pregnancy scare to put judgment on others' sex lives? It's like a complete tangent off his "God" thing, trying to make it more relatable, when really, there's another solution other than abstinence. Obviously, abstinence is the only way to be 100% on not getting pregnant/STIs. But birth control is pretty close.

Was he "putting judgment" on others' sex lives in that section? I'm not sure that he was. He started off by saying "For me", not "In my opinion" which would have meant he was applying it to others as well. From where I sat, it was a fairly standard attempt at explaining why he had made that decision for himself. The only comment relating to others was when he said, "So dudes, think twice before you desire her just 'cause she's hot", which sounds more like "use your brain and don't be so shallow" rather than "OMG DON'T HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!". I imagine the first version is a statement we would both agree with in terms of promoting good sexual practice, be that outside marriage or within it. The second version would make him an utter hypocrite in light of what he used to do, so it seems somewhat less plausible.

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

3. "When her bruises go away is she totally healed?
I mean the damage is lasting, you can see it in her eyes,
If it was just abused recreation, why did it ruin her life?
I mean if sex is just for fun then why on us does it take such a toll,
Maybe its because You don’t have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul."
Traci's rough Translation: "A rape victim doesn't get over her rape even after the physical wounds go away. If sex is just recreation, and rape is just abused sex, why did it ruin her life? We use sex for fun, but why does it take such a toll? Maybe it's because sex isn't just about your body it's about your soul?"

This statement is inaccurate, and is directly relating sex to rape. It is directly saying that all rape is was abused sex, which yes, it is. But the abuse part, that is what is traumatizing about rape. Obviously, if somebody is used for sex within a relationship, that can be trauma too. But if you are consentually choosing to be casually having sex, you don't get hurt. He's purely ignorant to be using rape as an example of somebody getting hurt in sex, rape is an act of control and power, not an act of sex.

With respect, I do not need to be told rape is an act of control and power. That is fairly basic-level knowledge to me, particularly after studying the offence in quite some detail in my first year of my Law degree and doing a dissertation on sexual offences and the justice system. I also feel the claims that "it is directly relating sex to rape" and "it is directly saying that all rape is was abused sex" are misleading, given that (a) he doesn't actually say that, undermining the "directly" bit, (b) the first claim is not supported by the use of the analogy, which was in response to the argument that sex is purely recreation and (c) the premise that sex is purely recreation which underpins your substitution of "abused recreation" for "abused sex" is precisely the premise he was questioning in the first place. If the premise is being challenged, then it seems erroneous to claim it is advocating it. I suspect the author of the video understood the wider impact of rape and such offences, given that he was talking specifically about the impact being beyond the act of sex itself. Were he "purely ignorant", that side of things wouldn't come into the equation for him at all. By all means disagree with the statement about having sex with a soul as well (and I have to admit that made me cringe slightly as well) or his use of the rape analogy, but as I said before do so based on how it's actually being used. Or just ignore him completely and watch the Marvin Gaye version or something. Take your pick I guess.

[Kyeto-X]

As a current sexual partner of a former rape victim, this guy is saying that my loving caresses to my partner are just as damaging to her as being tied to a bed and raped at 8 years old

Strike 1 on the rape victim insensitivity..

My girl loves sex. She is not saying "no" to me. She is ASKING me for it. There are lots of women out there with active sex drives that WANT sex for the pleasure of having sex. It feels good for both sexes for a reason.

Strike 2 for denying female sexuality.

Have to love the part where his girlfriend gets a pregnancy scare I guess abstinence-only education didn't teach you that anything and everything can throw off the meanstral cycle from diet, stress, to even thinking that you are pregnant. There is no need to panic. Wait two weeks and pee on a stick.

Strike 3 for failing human biology.

Did he really just suggest that I should pay more attention to my girl rather than Call of Duty? I play games AND pay attention to my girl. It is called give and take. I play a few hours of Zelda or WoW, then we go watch Aquamarine with her... That is how a relationship works. Just because I am a gamer does NOT mean I am a bad Boyfriend/husband

Strike 4 for Anti-Gamer Prejudice

Again with the archaic idea of pair bonding. Guys can get rejected as well. Girls can dump guys. And some women can and do use men for sex. The game can be played on both sides.

Strike 5 for Sexist remakes towards Males

[Revolution]

Originally Posted by Kyeto-X

Have to love the part where his girlfriend gets a pregnancy scare

Think I snorted at that part.

Remember kids, Christian side hugs don't cause pregnancy scares. Frontal hugs? Pushing it.

[Megan1]

Originally Posted by Kyeto-X

As a current sexual partner of a former rape victim, this guy is saying that my loving caresses to my partner are just as damaging to her as being tied to a bed and raped at 8 years old

Strike 1 on the rape victim insensitivity.

First of all, I am very sorry for what your girlfriend (I assume it's your girlfriend) went through. Like I said in my first reply in this thread, this video is confusing because it is talking about two different kinds of damage. Rape usually does much much more emotional/physical damage than pre-marital sex, yes. However, pre-marital sex does spiritual damage. They are different kinds of damage, but neither are good.

[rizz]

look he may not have meant that rape and pre-marital sex are hurtful in the same way but that is what it sounded like to a lot of people and if he didn't mean it that way then he needs to use better words because even i thought that was what he meant and being a victim of rape...it was upsetting.

but i did like the part about "You don’t have sex with a body, you have sex with a soul" and i believe that is the case in a committed relationship but sex with out emotion, connection, 1 night stands or just plain casual can be nice for some people..it may not be for everyone but for some people it is and it doesn't mean that they are damaged by it or that they are doing the wrong thing even.

ok so my partner and i are not married and have 2 kids...we were dating for a few mths when i feel preg...he didn't leave me and we are not part of a small minority either...this guy needs a reality check...im sorry if his dad took off...but alot of people have kids with out getting married and are in good strong relationships.

was a bit concerned about some of the comments under the video...some people just can't understand or respect others opinions.

wasn't a fan of the video.

rizz