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(#1 (permalink))
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Walking In The Sun...
I've been here a while
******** 
Name: Amelia
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Waiting On A Second-Hand Pick Me Up
Posts: 1,337
Join Date: January 7th 2009
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Take Back -
May 27th 2009, 12:33 PM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
Comment pleeease
 Take Back Need to know, if you’re there Need to ask, do you dare Cause every lie that you said All the loving that’s now dead Has formed a big skull in your drawer Its cause of you, I’m here no more I jumped and I fell Let out a last yell It may not be fair It may not be right But its like that, so there Can’t take back last night When I hit the ground I made this great sound A crunch and a thud Feel sick? Well you should I hope to god you get the blame I hope to god its not the same Know you hurt me Know you broke me Knew to work me Knew you broke me I jumped and I fell Let out a last yell It may not be fair It may not be right But its like that, so there Can’t take back last night All of the time I'm thinking of you Knew deep inside That I still loved you I jumped and I fell Let out a last yell It may not be fair It may not be right But its like that, so there Can’t take back last night Wherever life takes you I’ll be there Whenever night wakes you You will care Cause I won’t leave you Just like you left me And I won’t regret you Like you regret me ║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║
ORIGINAL MCFLY FAN ®  "Another year over, and we're still together. It's not always easy, but McFly's here forever I know you believe me, when you look into my eyes 'Cause McFly never dies, because The Heart Never Lies!" |
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(#2 (permalink))
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love, anonymous
I've been here a while
******** 
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009
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Re: Take Back -
May 28th 2009, 05:39 AM
Wow.
I don't mean to sound cliche or anything, but that's a really powerful poem. The address and phrasing still feels "real," even with the rhyming couplets (I tend to worry that my poems sound too sing-songy when I do that, but yours definitely doesn't). Definitely gets across the emotion. The repetition and play with wording structure/resonance, especially in the last stanza, is really good. And hey, how are you doing? Drown in the music,
dance in the rain, block out the thunder, and let the scars fade. |
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(#3 (permalink))
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|
Walking In The Sun...
I've been here a while
********
Name: Amelia
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Waiting On A Second-Hand Pick Me Up
Posts: 1,337
Join Date: January 7th 2009
|
Re: Take Back -
May 28th 2009, 12:38 PM
Hey thanks a lot :]
I'm doing okay, I guess which is a nice change. ║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║
ORIGINAL MCFLY FAN ® "Another year over, and we're still together. It's not always easy, but McFly's here forever I know you believe me, when you look into my eyes 'Cause McFly never dies, because The Heart Never Lies!" |
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