No Local Friends Or A Girlfriend…And I’m Happy

[CrusadingAvenger]

Now let me explain what I mean here:

While I can’t tell you my whole entire life
story in a single piece of writing, I can share
with you some synopsis form of it.

So if you’ve never looked at my profile before
or read any of my earlier blog entries long
before I started writing these inspirational writings,
I was pretty much a complicated mess.

I had people who I once called my best friends,
only to find out that they were never really my
friends to begin with. I had labeled those people
like that because I didn’t know any better at the time,
and I was quick enough to give away my trust,
and as a result, I ended up being the victim.

To top it off, starting all the way back near the
end of middle/right around the beginning of high school,
I wanted a relationship. I wanted a girlfriend.

Somebody to love, somebody to cherish,
somebody to care for and who would give me
a reason to keep on living.

What’s so interesting to me is even though
I had set out every year to find “the love I’ve
been searching for my whole life” for almost a decade,
looking back at it, I realized I had a lot of different
opportunities to be in a relationship with a girl.

However, I never engaged with those girls
that were giving me signs through the years.

Back then, I knew subconsciously two things:

One: I knew if I was to be in a relationship with
either of those girls, something was telling me
it was going to be short-lived, as most high school
relationships are because almost everyone is
chasing after that high feeling of having a romantic partner.

It didn’t necessarily mean they were genuinely ready for one.

And that gets me to the second thing:

I wasn’t ready.

I had a major problem lacking confidence, and
I was too busy in my head playing the game
“does she like me or not? Am I saying all the right things?”

I’ve been rejected left to right like you would not believe.

At 17, I poured a lot of my time sinking into
“dating experts” who were giving dating advice
that even when I did go out and apply it, I wasn’t
seeing any good results with those tips on
“how to approach women and make any woman want you.”

It was absolute garbage.

Maybe that stuff could work with casual dating,
but I wanted to use it to attract a serious relationship,
and it wasn’t until after my very short-lived long
distance relationship ended, I discovered something:

I wasn’t loving myself.

I didn’t believe I was worth something.

And here I thought looking for friends,
looking for a girlfriend would help solve that.

The truth is though…

It doesn’t.

We spend all this time looking for friends,
looking for a romantic partner, thinking when we
find those people, they can help fill in the missing pieces.

It doesn’t matter who you’re with or who you choose
to be friends with because if you’re not whole with
yourself, you’re always going to feel like something’s missing.

Instead of making a list of qualities you want
in a friend, in a romantic partner…

Make a list for yourself on what you need to be like.

And please…with every freaking ounce of energy
that I say to you right now as I’m typing this:

LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND BUILD YOURSELF UP

It literally costs nothing to do that every day.

Stop looking on apps for people, stop feeling
pressured to approaching people for the
sake of not being lonely…

Spend time with yourself, work on yourself,
get to know who you are.

Now, you can’t do and figure all that out in one day or in a week.

I get that.

But if you start now, and you stay consistent at it,
it will be the most rewarding thing you do for yourself
because when you do that, the things that you knew
you could always have will come your way.

But it won’t come if you don’t take care of yourself.

Right now, as I’m writing this, I don’t have any local
friends, I don’t have a girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean
I am anti-social or I will never talk to anyone ever again.

You can’t be afraid of getting hurt.

If you’re always afraid of getting hurt,
you will never have genuine relationships with anyone.

Those conflicts are necessary because when
you face them and you get through them with your
friend or your boyfriend/girlfriend, that’s when you
start to truly appreciate what you have in this life.

You’re more humble, and you don’t take it for granted.

For the first time in my life…

I’m awake, and I’m happy.

I trust myself that now, the right people will show up,
and when they do, I’m confident I will do everything
right this time around, and I’m ready for that.

However, I wouldn’t be at this point in my life
if it wasn’t for that valuable piece of advice that
was given to me at the lowest point in my life
that I’m giving to you right now.

Even though I may not know you, think of
this as my gift to you.

Use it, and be consciously aware of what unfolds.

[Celyn]

I needed to hear this! Thank you

[CrusadingAvenger]

No problem! I'm glad to hear that.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Thank you so much for this. It was good.

[CrusadingAvenger]

You're welcome.

[Ennui.]

This definitely tells a story!

[CrusadingAvenger]

It certainly does!