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Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share yours with us here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Akito Offline
Skeleton in a Citadel

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Post Red Lines - November 29th 2011, 10:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across skin
The writing is so fine
That you can't tell the words within

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across your eyes
It's pain you can't hide
Bleeding from the inside

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across more red
Did you ever find
That it wasn't just you who bled

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across skin
The writing loops into a butterfly
And you stop slashing him.

3:17:02 p.m.
11/29/11

* Inspired by The Butterfly Project.


"Who, being loved, is poor?"
- Oscar Wilde
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
"When all you've got is nothing,
there's a lot to go around."
- - - - - - -
"Though hope is frail,
it's hard to kill."
- - - - - - -
HelpLINK Mentor since 1/12/12.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Bubbles37 Offline
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Re: Red Lines - November 29th 2011, 11:40 PM

Great job. I really like it


Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
the Beatles


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
I'm-moving-on Offline
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Re: Red Lines - November 30th 2011, 12:56 AM

This is a great poem. I like the way you put it. And I like the Butterfly Project too.





Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Akito Offline
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Re: Red Lines - December 2nd 2011, 05:56 AM

Thank you both. <3


"Who, being loved, is poor?"
- Oscar Wilde
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
"When all you've got is nothing,
there's a lot to go around."
- - - - - - -
"Though hope is frail,
it's hard to kill."
- - - - - - -
HelpLINK Mentor since 1/12/12.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Dez Offline
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Re: Red Lines - December 2nd 2011, 11:22 PM

This is really amazing. I love how you worded everything and how you started every part with "Red lines, red lines".


Sing, the last thing on your mind
The last word on your breath
I'll be the one to keep you
I'll keep you at your best



<font size=1><b><font face=Courier New>
  </font></b></font>
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Boxy Offline
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Re: Red Lines - December 2nd 2011, 11:59 PM

It's a bit confusing to me for it to say "Dancing across skin" and then "dancing across YOUR eyes" I think it would flow better if they both said "your" or neither said it.

But I really like this poem regardless!
Very good job!


1:44 PM [Cassago] I'll be your glass slipper, if you'll be my foot..
1:45 PM [Boxy] i'll be your foot anyday

Support for victims of sexual assault or abuse can be found here start the healing

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Akito Offline
Skeleton in a Citadel

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Re: Red Lines - December 3rd 2011, 01:34 AM

Hmm, I agree. I'll edit it. Thanks for the suggestion. : )

Updated version:

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across your skin
The writing is so fine
That you can't tell the words within

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across your eyes
It's pain you can't hide
Bleeding from the inside

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across more red
Did you ever find
That it wasn't just you who bled

Red lines, red lines
Dancing across your skin
The writing loops into a butterfly
And you stop slashing him.


"Who, being loved, is poor?"
- Oscar Wilde
- - - - - - -
- - - - - - -
"When all you've got is nothing,
there's a lot to go around."
- - - - - - -
"Though hope is frail,
it's hard to kill."
- - - - - - -
HelpLINK Mentor since 1/12/12.
   
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