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Mistakes - January 21st 2018, 08:02 PM

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I have made a terrible mistake, and told a secret I shouldn't have said, because I thought I was trying to help someone else, but it was still wrong as I should have never said it in the first place, as it wasn't my secret to tell.

I would never have told it intentionally, or to gossip, I thought it would help the other person, which it did, but they told others even though I said not to. Now, the person who told me the secret hates me, and everyone does really, I've tried everything to say sorry but nobody wants to listen. Friendships have been permanently broken, and I feel like people will resent me forever. Now, false rumors are spreading as well, which I think people believe because my credibility has been damaged because of this incident. Do mistakes ever blow over? What is your advice to cope with a big mess up? I don't even feel comfortable at school anymore, and I don't know how I can stop the hate which is flooding me, without seeming defensive that I am not accepting responsibility for what I've done.

Common advice is to show that you are better, but how can I do that if nobody will even talk to me?[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

Last edited by Hypothesis.; January 22nd 2018 at 02:11 AM. Reason: This thread was posted twice so I removed one and left the one with replies.
   
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Re: Mistakes - January 21st 2018, 08:15 PM

Hey there,

Depending on the secret that you revealed, you might have actually done the right thing. What I mean by this is that if the person confided something such as them wanting to harm themselves or them dealing with harmful things in life than you might have helped them in someway. I know that it can be hard to tell someone's secret but if you were doing it because they were in some kind of danger than you have to remind yourself that it was likely for the best. That doesn't mean that people aren't going to be mad at you but sometimes it is better to have friend's mad at you than to lose them because you were trying to keep their secret.

Now, if the secret you shared had less to do with keeping your friend safe than you have to try and come to terms with what you did because you cannot change it. Your friend's might get over it all with time. I have had people share certain secrets of mine and I was able to forgive them. It did take time and, for me, it did change the relationship I had with them because I was not comfortable with confiding in them.

You mentioned that you already tried apologizing, I think that is a great thing because you are accepting responsibility and you are being accountable. There are a ton of people who do not apologize if they do something like this. However, you can't force anyone to accept your apology. Your friend might need some time before they can accept it and I think the best thing you can do is to give them their space. Maybe in a few months you can try approaching them about things and see how they are feeling.

That being said, you might have to deal with some of your other friend's being upset with you as well. My hope is that you have other friend's that you can talk to about all of this and other friend's you can hang out with. If not maybe you could try and build new friendships by joining clubs.

One other thing that you could try is going to the school counselor and getting her opinion on the situation and also ask her for some ways to cope and, possibly, resolve things. A school counselor can be a great person to go to so that you can get support and so that you can vent about things. Sometimes we need an adult to step in and give us some support and advice. Also, I know there are some school counselors that will try and help friends work through things through some joint sessions where they talk things out and work through any issues. I am not certain that all counselors can or will do this but it might be something you could discuss with the counselor.

Best regards.


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Re: Mistakes - January 30th 2018, 09:19 PM

Thank you so much for the advice. Things are better. The secret I told was one of the deepest secrets belonging to that person, and they are not talking to me at all, although I have apologized and they listened to my apology in full, in which I expressed how sorry I was about the whole situation and how I would never mean to hurt someone intentionally, and how I told the secret to help another friend, but I never should have said it regardless. Even though bridges have been burnt and I think many people can never forgive me, I feel that a slight weight has been lifted off my shoulders from apologizing and doing what I can to make things right. Many people have expressed to me that although my actions were wrong, in the scope of bigger secrets and the world in general, it is not a big deal at all, and that things will blow over eventually, but I highly doubt it. I guess I can only hope for the best at this point, although it kind of sucks to have been exiled from your friend group and have to face dirty looks and unforgiving faces everyday.

Definitely learned my lesson though.
   
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Re: Mistakes - January 30th 2018, 11:11 PM

Hey there,

I am so glad that you are feeling slightly better about the situation. I think it's great that you've apologized and have realized that there isn't anything more you can do. It sounds like you have definitely learned from this and that is important because there are plenty of people who go through things like this and do not learn from their mistakes. I truly hope that this will blow over at some point. I know that there were some relatively big things that happened to me in high school and those things did end up blowing over.

Please feel free to message me if you end up making an account and need someone to talk to or would just like to make a friend.

Best regards.


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