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Question I'm lost in thoughts. - January 23rd 2018, 06:28 PM

I have trouble both with school and with a person, but I'm gonna mention only the one that has hurt me emotionally for a while.There is this one friend. He is the best one I've ever had in both real life and internet, but whatever I'm doing is wrong, I always mess up on my promises. I promised to do what I've promised (not going to specify, just in case)so that we could finally be happy together. Oh well, In short seems like I didn't do good enough. I know he is mad at me, once again. That's just what happened less than a hour ago though. Mostly it's that I can't even bother to talk with him normally, because of how sad I feel around him. He himself did nothing wrong, but it just hurts to see him online or talk with him. It's eating me on the inside. He is a really cool,nice guy, but I'm not worth him. I'm terribly sensitive whenever he jokes about having a crush (100% sure it wasn't joking, it was just to make me feel less sad), why am I even like this. Funny thing is, I always wanted someone who cares about me alot after my first relationship, because i was suffering a bit knowing that my ex didnt care a single bit, but now I just regret it because the guy cares so much for me, It hurts him when I'm hanging out with my other friend instead of him. It makes me feel guilty,miserable,awful,worthless,stressed out. I have cried about it before, but I haven't complained to anyone about it, because I didn't want to bother others with my problems. Now I just don't want to feel anything about him at all, I've suffered for months and it hurts even more everyday. Should I take a break? If so, for how long?? I have to prepare for a math olympiade which is at 16th Febuary, and I usually don't strictly ignore people, until now. I just need advice on this situation, please. I doubt I can take more stress currently.
   
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Re: I'm lost in thoughts. - January 26th 2018, 10:16 PM

[FONT="Palatino Linotype"][COLOR="DimGray"][SIZE="3"]Promises ae tricky things. Some people think that promises shouldn't be broken and that if you can't keep a promise then you shouldn't make one. Others think that promises don't mean much and accept that they can change. One thing is certain though, whatever happened or didn't happen, doesn't reflect on you as a person.

Things don't always work out the way we want or plan, but it doesn't mean that you didn't do good enough. It also sounds like you place a lot of the responsibility on yourself. You say that your friend is mad at you, again, but that he didn't do anything wrong. He might not have, but it sounds like you are placing all of the blame for things not working out on yourself, while accepting that your friend is mad at you and not at how things couldn't work out. It also doesn't make you not worthy of him.

It sounds like you really care for your friend and feel bad any time you might've let him down. You clearly value this friendship, especially if he was there for you after the break up of your first relationship. But at the same time, it sounds like things are bit more complicated than that. You mention that it hurts him when you are hanging out with your other friend instead of him. Firstly, you are allowed other friends and you are allowed to hang out with different people. It doesn't mean that you are choosing one over the other, one friend instead of him. While it can bring up some difficult feelings for your friend to see you with someone else, that is his problem and something that your friend will have to learn how to deal with. I understand that knowing how your friend feels causes you guilt and to get stressed out over it. But this is his problem, not yours, so remind yourself that you have nothing to feel guilty about. It's okay to cry, especially since it's a difficult position to be in. But you won't be bothering anyone if you decided to talk about it. In fact, it can be good to talk about things so that you aren't dealing with it alone.

Feelings are tricky and it sounds like you've suffered a lot. It's your decision whether to take a break from him and how long for. Be aware though that he may notice that you haven't been talking to him. It might also help at some point to talk to him. Let him know that you still care about him, and know that he cares about you too, but that it's good (and healthy) to have other friends to hang out with as well (not instead of). Understand that he gets upset, possibly out of insecurity, and reassure him. But also let him know that you've been getting upset and stressed as well, and you don't want to feel that way, especially as you have been feeling like that for a while.

Hope things work out for you and best of luck with the math olympiade![/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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