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Our friendship is broken? - February 12th 2018, 08:33 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]So here is a back story.
I met my best friend last year at school. Over the months we got so close. She was my closest friends. We used to call each other sister or sis because we were so close. However, we used to argue over anything and everything. I admit, some of it was my fault but she gets jealous so easily and is very dramatic. Recently, she got very upset over something which was not my fault. I was writing something for our other friend. My best friend got annoyed that I was and kept saying that I never do anything for her or get mad at her. I ignored the messages and thus everything went down hill.

She kept harassing me with messages saying how I'm a coward, she was swearing at me and telling me never to talk to her again. I was hurt and confused as why she was overreacting. Then, at school she would stare at me and she even told me how happy she was that she would never see me again and she said that she hates me and my friends so much. (she even pushed my other friend who wasn't even involved in any of it!)
At this point, I never wanted to associate with her again. But an urge in me still wanted to be friends with her.

After school, she apologised over message. When I read it, I laughed at myself. She called me a coward but she only apologises over message? Well, I ended up forgiving her.
I still felt unconformable towards her and I still very much disliked her. What made me really mad though was when she started to move on quickly, as if she wasn't just spewing hate about us hours ago. She started to call me sis again, started to tell me how much she loved me and cherished me. I felt like she was moving way too fast. I kept being distant with her on message and kept ignoring her. Eventually, she caught on.

She confronted me on why I was being distant. I admitted that I still was mad and felt betrayed. I then told her that I needed a break.

I don't know what to do. My friendship with her is gone and just by hearing her name, I get angry. But she's my best friend. However, I can't help but feel guilty that the only reason I forgave her was that I felt sorry for her. I still cherish our friendship but idk...was this break a good decision?[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Our friendship is broken? - February 13th 2018, 05:31 PM

Changes in friendships can be difficult, especially when it's been a consistent, meaningful relationship up to this point. It's completely fair that you're hurt by your friends behavior and, in this instance, I do think that taking a step back to consider the friendship as a whole is a good idea. Take some time to consider whether or not this friendship is something that you want to make an effort to save. If it is, that's great! If not, that's also perfectly fine!

You mentioned that she's displayed jealousy or been overdramatic in the past. Is this something that you've talked to her about? If not, it might be worth a try. Sometimes, people are unaware of how their behavior comes across to others or how it impacts the people in their lives, simply because they've never been called out on it before. If you still want to try to salvage this friendship, having a conversation like this is a good place to start. It sounds like your friend takes things personally, so I'd recommend using "I" statements, such as "When you lashed out at me, I felt [insert feeling(s) here]." These types of statements call attention to the action, but direct the overall focus to you and your feelings, which makes it less likely that she will take it as an accusation and jump on the defense. Let her know that you value your friendship, but that you deserve respect within it. Perhaps you can even ask her if there is a reason she feels threatened, such as not spending enough time together or having been hurt by a friendship before, to see if there is anything that the two of you can tackle together. It may not solve anything right away, but having an open, honest conversation is a great starting point to repairing any broken relationship.

Alternatively, you may realize that this friendship isn't worth the effort anymore. People sometimes hesitate to make this decision because it feels mean or like a betrayal of friendship. However, that isn't the case at all. Relationships of any kind should be mutually beneficial and, if you feel that you're not valued, respected, or getting what you need out of the friendship, there's nothing wrong with deciding to end it. Sometimes people outgrow each other and that's perfectly okay. Whether or not you have a conversation about this is entirely up to you. If you think it would help, you can talk to your friend and let her know that, while you care about her as a person, you need to take a step back and focus on yourself and the things/people that add positivity to your life. If you think having a conversation like this would cause her to lash out again, it might be best to avoid it or tread very carefully. If you're not up for talking about it at all, you can also let things drift apart naturally.

No matter what you choose to do, putting yourself and your happiness first needs to be your ultimate priority. I hope it all works out for you in a positive way!


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