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Exclamation how do i help my suicidal antisocial friend? - March 17th 2018, 06:30 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Please help. One of my friends in my friend group of 8 people is suicidal. He has recently discovered he has Asperger’s syndrome, a high functioning form of autism that leaves someone without social skills. Anyways, my friend with this cuts himself and has already gone to a psych unit in a hospital for a week after cutting too deep. Anyways, he has explained this to me and adventually everyone in our big friend group. He has come back to school, but stays as far away as possible from our friend group and doesn’t like being in group settings because of his disease. He’s told me that he only prefers to be with 1-3 people at a time (the less the better). He has been sort of antisocial before, but never this much. He now sits alone in the hallway during lunch and mornings before school. We have talked before out of school and we are good friends, but recently I voice chatted with him and I was trying to help. He isn’t confident in himself, claims that he’s ugly, has no personality, and is mean to everyone unintentionally (his disease makes it hard for him to show empathy for others). He has the highest GPA in our grade (freshman) and he feels like he’s expected to do well and do everything perfect. When I was trying to help him find things to be happy about, he’s admitted to me that it’s been years since he’s been so. So I tried suggesting things that could make him happy. I asked if his family gives him the resources and love he needs, and he says that he feels that his family has never really loved him. I sugguested that he could be happy for living, but then he reminded me that he wishes he was dead. And then I can hear him crying over the voice chat. In an effort to help him realize the positive and happy things in life, i just made him just think of more unhappy things that had lead him to cry. After that he told me I could go if wanted to and I told him that I didn’t and that I wanted to be there for him, but if he wanted to be alone, I would respect that. He said he didn’t want to be alone. Then he had to leave and we ended the conversation with him in tears. I’m trying to help him, but am I just making it worse? He is already getting professional help and his parents know about the problem so it’s not like telling an adult will help. I am trying to be a supportive friend and be there for him. What should I do?[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: how do i help my suicidal antisocial friend? - March 18th 2018, 05:05 AM

[FONT="Times New Roman"]Hey There,

It sounds like you are in a very difficult position here: you care about your friend and you do so much to support him and want to help more. That is important because you may be one of his few friends.
It may be hard for him to accept he has Asperger's and right now, he is angry he has it possibly or he is unsure how to move forward with having Asperger's.
It may help to share with him examples of people with Asperger's that have been successful (ie. famous people, books that are nonfiction Etc.)
Yes, it is a form of autism but Asperger's is high-functioning as you mentioned and many people are able to be successful and have great careers, families and lives.
I hope this helps.[/FONT]


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: how do i help my suicidal antisocial friend? - March 18th 2018, 09:38 PM

[FONT="Palatino Linotype"][COLOR="DimGray"][SIZE="3"],Hey there,

It can be very difficult to support a friend who is going through a difficult time and is suicidal. It's quite common to wonder what to say or do and whether you are helping or making things worse. It's definitely good that you are trying to support you friend and lovely that you are reaching out wanting to know what else you can do.

You mention that he sits alone at lunch and in the mornings before school...is it possible to spend time with him then? You don't necessarily have to have a conversation revolving around mental health or his Asperger's, but it can be nice to have some company rather than spending time alone (although I do understand his need to have little company).

It sounds like you have listened to your friend a lot and have really made an effort in trying to understand his Asperger's and his mental health. Sometimes just listening and being able to show that you understand, even if you can't help much, can be helpful in itself. It's also understandable that you would want to try to find things that your friend can be happy about in life, and I'm sorry to hear that this didn't work out as planned. Sometimes people who are suicidal may feel like there is nothing in the world that can make them happy, since they are in such a dark place, and this can come off as anything you suggest being discarded. It doesn't mean you are making things worse, but it does mean that your friend just can't see past the darkness right now. You can still try to help him find happiness though, even if it means just challenging his thinking e.g. he thinks he is ugly, no personality, mean to everyone (unintentionally) etc., then you can remind him that we often think most negatively about ourselves and others may not feel this way about us and that even if he struggles with interaction, he isn't necessarily mean to everyone because he still has you. It's also understandable that if your friend has the highest GPA, he may feel like he is always expected to do well and has to everything perfect. Remind him that he is human too and we all make mistakes, so it's okay if things don't go as planned. Perfection is an impossibility and it's not fair on himself to hold himself to such standards. You might also want to think about other things that you can talk about with your friend besides mental health. It can sometimes help to have distractions or things that can make your friend laugh or just take his mind off things.

It must be difficult for your friend if he feels that family has never really loved him. Maybe you could encourage your friend to talk about this with a professional? Sometimes family don't know how to express their love or how to help a loved one with Asperger's or mental health issues, and that can sometimes come across as unloving. A professional might be able to explore these feelings with him and may be able to help him and/or his family find meaningful ways of connecting with each other.

Lastly, it's important that you look after yourself too. It can be difficult supporting someone, so make sure that you have your own support network too, and you have things that keep you happy and positive.

We are always here for you (and your friend, if you think recommending him to TeenHelp might be worth it!) [/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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Re: how do i help my suicidal antisocial friend? - March 19th 2018, 09:27 AM

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="3"]Hi,

You seem like a really good friend for wanting to help your friend. I myself have Aspergers as well and didn't find out until my mid teenage years ; I found the diagnosis hard to deal with. It might be that he is finding it hard to accept that he has aspergers because it is not something that he grew up with having from a young age. Although I have aspergers, I have done so well for myself , have close friends and if anyone who doesn't know me well interacts with me they wouldn't know that I have it. People with aspergers can be successful and there are famous people who have it as well, maybe if you talk him about some famous people who have aspergers he might feel less angry of his diagnosis as he would know that he is not alone.

It is really good to hear that you have been understanding of his aspergers and mental health. I understand how he wouldn't really enjoy company. I'm wondering whether he has any specific interest as some people with aspergers can have an interest e.g. an interest in Aeroplanes , if he does you could talk to him about that or maybe do something relating to his interest such as if he loves trains you could do train spotting.

Maybe your friend might benefit from seeing a counsellor or going to a support group for people with autism and aspergers.[/SIZE][/FONT]


Be Strong, Have Faith, Have Courage xx

Current Mental Health - Sever depression, SAD,Self harm, Suicide thoughts, anxiety attacks and voices in my head.

Current Medicines - Fluoxetine

Feel free to PM me anytime , I love getting PM's and I love supporting people as it distracts me from my horrible thoughts.
   
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