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How did you know you where gay? - April 11th 2018, 12:03 AM

Hi, just a quick one. How did people know they where gay? Apart from the obvious of finding the same sex attractive.

I know I like the same sex, but really want to date men openly but I’m very much afraid of coming out, am I gay, bi? It’s all so confusing. It shouldnt matter - but does.

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Re: How did you know you where gay? - April 11th 2018, 01:34 AM

Hey there,

I think the question is different for everyone. I've talked to friend's about it and some have said they just knew and others said they knew after the experimented. I don't think there is a right or wrong way in knowing. I think, for me, I knew I was bisexual with a preference towards men after I met my boyfriend and I realized that my feelings both sexual and emotional were stronger than anything I'd felt for any female. Honestly, if you want to date men you can because there are people who have found that helpful in determining their sexuality. It might not be what helps you though because each person has their own experiences. It's best to think about if you'd be okay with doing so even if you decided that you didn't want to continue.

I know you said that you are scared and I am wondering if you are scared because you don't feel ready to come out or if you are scared because your loved ones aren't open regarding people who are LGBTQ+. Both feelings are valid but it might help if we knew the answer just in regards to helping you. If the reason is more that you don't feel ready than you don't have to come out until you do. You can still date and get to know people and not be out. I know people who actually got help with coming out due to dating and getting involved in the LGBTQ+ community. If you are scared to come out because you have family who might not be open and are worried about your safety than it's best to evaluate if it's safe to come out. I know some people who have waited until they weren't living at home to come out to their parents.

We have a tip that might help. Here is the link: http://www.teenhelp.org/blogs/teenhelp/b47117-newsletter-95-coping-flu%3B-combating-over-spending%3B-deciding-whether-not-come-out/

I hope that this helped.


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Re: How did you know you where gay? - April 11th 2018, 02:32 AM

I think I always kind of knew, but it wasn't solidified for me until I actually dated a girl. Before that, I was in strong denial about being a lesbian and convinced myself that the way I felt when I dated guys was probably how every straight girl felt and that I was overthinking things. Once I actually allowed myself to try things out with a girl, I realized how much I had been missing out on and that really set everything in stone for me.

Coming out can be a scary process and it's definitely something that should be done at your own pace. Are there certain aspects of coming out that are making you hesitant to do it overall? For example, are you afraid to come out to a specific group of people? Are you afraid of judgment? Are you afraid of not being sure whether to call yourself gay or bi? Whatever your fears are, they are completely valid. However, it's important to address them so you can figure out what your next steps will be. Just remember that you don't have to come out all at once and that it's okay to change your label later on if you decide that something else suits you better.

If you'd like to talk about this further, please feel free to reply to this thread with answers to my questions, Jenna's questions, or your own thoughts/new questions!

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