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Better myself. - June 14th 2018, 10:13 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]How do I become a better individual, instead of a [I]bitter[/I] individual?

There is so much in my past that I have to be bitter about. For years, I'v'e chosen to live there, in that world filled with resentment and hatred. I know "it does not do to dwell on the past and forget to live" according to Albus Dumbledore. But the problem is [I]how[/I]? Where do I even start? I want to change the person I am, even if it's inch by inch, one day at a time.

- Amy[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Better myself. - June 15th 2018, 01:08 PM

Hello and thank you for coming on and telling us about what you are going through. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and I hope that you will be okay soon.

You said that you want to start to change the person who you are, that really can be anything. You can start small if you want to or just go big. You can change the outfits that you wear and you can start dressing differently. Or if you would like to get a haircut and you could change you're look that way. Also if you are hanging out with friends who are a bad influence you can always let them know that you don't want to do what they're doing and not do it or you can try hanging out with a new group of people who are not a bad influence. If you can join a sport team at you're school and make different friends you can try doing that or try talking to other people in the classes who are around you and ask them if they would like to do something with you. Also ask when you are at lunch. If you play video games or watch TV all the time you can limit yourself to that and try going for a walk or talking to you're friends or reading or drawing and spending time with you're family, different things like that. I hope that you will be okay soon.


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Re: Better myself. - June 17th 2018, 09:13 PM

[FONT="Palatino Linotype"][COLOR="DimGray"][SIZE="3"]Hey there,

I think that with time, we all change throughout life, perhaps without noticing, other times, finding something has 'forced' us to change in some way.

Working on from the past, including bitter feelings and resentment is difficult and takes time and effort. I think being self-aware, or learning to become more self-aware plays an important part in this. Realising when you start feeling bitter about the past, and choosing to do something different- perhaps a distraction rather than going over old hurts- is a step in awareness. You become aware that these negative thoughts and feelings are about the past, and are holding you back. You can't change the past, but you don't have to continue living it either. You can also try to use the past to your advantage (if possible) and think about what lessons can be learned, or what you can do differently now in the present, that you couldn't or didn't in the past.

It is important to express your feelings about the past though, and journaling can help with that. Sometimes things happen that can affect us for the rest of our lives. You don't have to 'forgive and forget' 'move on' or 'let it go'. Whatever happened, caused you pain and you recognise that. You may still find yourself getting pained when thinking about the past, and that's okay, so long as your life isn't ruled by the past.

If you are interested in personal development, you may want to consider getting into therapy (if you aren't already) as counsellors and other therapists can help you explore your past, and how that affects your feelings, thoughts and behaviours in the present and how you can go about changing these things.

That said, while self improvement is a positive aspect, remember that you are only human. Sometimes if we focus on improving ourselves, we might feel discouraged or disheartened if we feel we aren't doing good enough. You might want to change how you deal with the past, but there's no need to fully change the person you are. You are good enough [/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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Re: Better myself. - June 18th 2018, 12:21 AM

[FONT="Arial"][COLOR="Blue"][SIZE="2"]Hey there, welcome Here's what did it for me after a traumatic experience: I let go of society's expectations and messages about letting go and healing.

We get told a lot that we can be "bitter or better" "responsible or victim", but reality is that nothing is an either/or and the terms personal responsibility and victim are constantly misused. It's said that we're either "fully responsible for everything that happens to us, no exceptions." Or we're "playing the victim" There is a huge difference between healing from a legitimate victimization (that you may have been blamed for causing) and having a "victim mentality", but the two are talked about as if they are the same thing!

You are not responsible for causing, creating, or deserving every aspect of your life. But, you are fully responsible for how you deal with it. Acknowledge what has happened to you, that it was wrong, that it wasn't your fault,and (unfortunately) that the person/people may never "get it" or change. Seek professional help if you can and you feel like you need it. That might be a good place to start. This realization was life-changing for me, I hope it can help you too.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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Re: Better myself. - June 18th 2018, 06:54 PM

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Thank you so much for your reply, guys. Holly, I particularly liked what you said. I am already in therapy, and my therapist has said the same thing. But it is so much easier said than done. It takes so much work and effort, and I look at others and it seems like it comes to them naturally. They have no problem being a good person, probably because they're guided by a higher being such as God or something like that, which I don't believe in.

- Amy[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]
   
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Re: Better myself. - June 20th 2018, 12:29 PM

[FONT="Palatino Linotype"][COLOR="DimGray"][SIZE="3"]It is easier said than done, I understand. It does take time and persistent effort, and there may be setbacks. But it's worth it!

Try not to compare yourself to others. It may seem like others have a more ideal life where they aren't bitter, but you never know for sure what someone is really thinking or feeling. Meaning those people that seem to make it look like it comes naturally to them, may feel similar to you or may find themselves thinking others seem to be 'better' than them in some way.

Not everyone is guided by a higher being, and it's more than okay to not believe in these things. Just because you don't believe in a God, it doesn't mean that you'll have a harder time with self-improvement or that others have it easier because they do believe in a God. Personally, I think we can aim to be better people for ourselves and for others. When you can deal with bitter feelings, you may find that you can concentrate on other things that gives you happiness, or you may find that you can focus your energy on the people around you or the wider community....or basically whatever matters and is important to you. You might not have a higher being to guide you, but you have yourself and you can find a sense of purpose in life that will help you overcome the difficulties associated with your past [/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]


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