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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
zoidberg Offline
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Question Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 01:37 PM

Hi I'm 17 and have a somewhat embarrassing problem. The following has happened three times and I'm getting very frustrated:

I've been with my girlfriend on her bed, kissing. I then start to finger her and after about a minute I...lose control. I've managed to hide it (I think) but it's making me lose confidence.

After the last time this happened my girlfriend was about to 'return the favour' but I stopped her and basically told her I had PE, without letting on that I had already prematurely E'd. She was cool about it and said 'well that's a good excuse for more practice'. She's amazing and I really don't want this to be a problem. We're both new to all this.

If people could give me any advice about how to stop this, that would be fantastic. Also, I've been getting conflicting advice (from the internet) about masturbation: should I do it more or less in order to increase control? At the moment I only masturbate like once a week, with the start/stop method.

Sorry for the long post, but everyone on these forums seems very nice, and I really need advice about this rather sensitive issue. No pun intended
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 02:43 PM

Hey.

Well, honestly, I think maybe you should be honest with her. You said you're both new at this, so what is there to be ashamed of? As far as masturbation goes, I should think that it would increase control, but I don't have a lot of evidence to back that up. And when all else fails, I'd say adapt your sex routine to what works for you. Take care, dude


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 04:12 PM

If you're close enough to her to lie on her bed and finger her, you're close enough to tell her what happened and that you were too embarrassed to say so at the time. You can say that fingering her turned you on so much you lost control, and it wouldn't be a lie.

One solution would be to have her 'favor' you first. I don't have much experience with PE but experience seems to help. I think the more you're with her the longer you'll last. I honestly think what you experienced isn't unusual and that it'll get better soon. Another thing I've heard of is to lie completely naked together for a while until the new wears off. My brother said that masturbating just before getting with a girl helped him (but don't try the pull-out method if you've recently ejaculated since there will be sperm cells in your urethra), but from what I've read and talked to people, just getting more experience is the main thing.

It also seems to be a function of age. If you're under 15 or so I would say it's raging hormones mostly and you'll get over it soon.


What just happened?
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 05:16 PM

Thanks guys I should tell her, I realise that now, but I also need to get over my stereotypically male aversion to talking about this sort of stuff. But it's always going to feel a tad humiliating.

If anyone has experience of this getting better with practise I'd love to hear from them, just to put my mind at rest
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 05:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoidberg View Post
But it's always going to feel a tad humiling.
I'm confident she's already guessed what happened and she's wondering how to talk about it without humiliating you. I'll bet she'll be happy you brought it up and will think more of you for being honest with her. And she'll probably want to help.


What just happened?
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 17th 2012, 06:52 PM

What you just described happens to every guy, all ur mates would be havin the same problem, im a girl im 19 and ive been with lots of guys and its just what you do when ur that age.. my advice.. wank before you see her so u dont get so worked up so soon
x
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 18th 2012, 03:35 AM

Premature ejaculation is not a problem which every single young male has to deal with. As with all myths and stereotypes, I would suggest you not spread that any further. Yes, talking about this topic can be somewhat embarrassing and even humiliating. Unfortunately, letting your pride get in the way is only going to make things for difficult in the long run, so I would suggest you are open and honest with your girlfriend. Don't sweat it too much - she sounds like she already understands what is going on and is even willing enthusiastic to help you get through it.

It's not something to feel embarrassed about. The simple fact is that very few males are perfect specimens. I have never experienced a premature ejaculation myself, I am on the other end of the spectrum and it can take me a long time to get off. Being able to go for ages, while being something a lot of guys wish they could do, isn't all it's cracked up to be. On the plus side, it's good for my aerobic fitness, but there are times when it still frustrates me with how long it takes.

Your girlfriend is right - this is a very good excuse opportunity for more practice. I've never been a supporter of the "masturbate before you see her" theory. Why would you be masturbating when you have a perfectly able and willing girlfriend? Go and enjoy time with her. Don't worry too much about ejaculating early, just let it happen. Tell her it's entirely her fault for being too goddamned sexy. Once you've finished early, give it some time, then go again. Lather, rinse and repeat. Keep practicing. Keep going (Obviously, don't overdo it in one session) and you should gradually condition yourself to last a little bit longer. If you want, google the technique known as "edging" and apply it. It's where she gets you right to the edge, then stops. Then continually repeat.

In conclusion:
- Don't get down in the dumps about it.
- Take it as an opportunity for more sex.
- Roll with it like it's all good.
- Make use of your ability to have a "quicky" (Be creative with this one)

Have fun.

Ed
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 18th 2012, 03:41 AM

you should just tell her the truth and if she loves you then she will stay
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 18th 2012, 04:23 PM

Thanks for the comprehensive reply Ed

I can see how lasting too long could be frustrating as well. Humans eh? We just can't get it right! I think once my girlfriend and I start doing this sort of stuff more often it will become less embarrassing. It's quite early days at the moment (well, three months) so everything is new and daunting. Practice makes perfect I hope! I've been doing the whole 'edging' thing on my own for a while now but it isn't working overly well. I'll keep trying!

Thanks again everyone for great responses and if anyone else has something to add I'd still love to here from them
   
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Re: Very premature ejaculation... - May 19th 2012, 02:49 PM

If you take your problem of preejaculating and are honest with her she will appreciate it a lot that you trust her with something so personal and embarisding for you. My ex had the same problem ad Ed. It was very frustrating that I could never make him cum even when I was doing everything he liked. You could emphasize how she is so amazing/sexy/whatever compliment you choose that you just can't hold it. That would probably make her feel really good about herself that she makes you cum without even sucking on you (when u finger her). I know that would make me happy. If you focus on the fact that she is so wonderful instead of the fact that you are ashamed it might go better. I hope everything works out for you!

Best wishes!
~SM~
   
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