Triggering (Abuse): Random-ish question: Do you think being raped counts towards your virginity?

[Lady Pseudonym]

AH don't worry I wasn't raped. I just wanted to know what people's opinion was on this. So...

Do you think being raped counts towards your virginity? Or not?

[Brandon]

Well, society believes that losing your virginity is vaginal penetration, so yeah. It's kind of fucked up, but shit happens.

To counter that viewpoint, people develop two different types of virginity to help them feel better about it, though. I think there's spiritual and physical virginity. Physically, when you're raped, you lose your virginity but you'll still consider yourself a virgin spiritually.

[lauri]

If the penis enters the vagina then yes it does count sadly

[Eternal]

I have to agree as well. I would count it as well because rape is still having sexual intercourse, even if it is pretty messed up.

[Ashleylovesyou]

I was raped, never willingly had sex. I don't consider my self a virgin. But it is different for everyone. The reason why I don't is because; when I went in to see a doctor due to long periods they asked me if I was sexually active, I said no but I was forced. I later read on my chart that I was for "medical purposes" sexually active. In my eyes if science says I'm not a virgin then I'm not. However some people view it differently and disagree with my beliefs but that is their opinion.

[Castiel's Angel]

Now, Brandon said if it's vaginal penetration it counts as losing your virginity, but I believe that if it's consensual vaginal penetration it counts as losing your virginity.
Being raped does take a huge part of a persons innocence away, but I don't believe that the title of Virgin should be removed if a boy/girl is raped.

[Coffee.]

I'm going to say no, but really, my question is: Why does it matter? Virginity is just a stupid construct in society. First, the hymen thing, it's just a myth. You never break your hymen, your hymen is already "broken" (or has a hole in it) by the time you have sex (unless there is something wrong), you can find more about this here. Second, virginity is just a construct to shame people for having sex, and to give an idea about "adulthood." It's a very heterosexist weird idea, since only heterosexual people have "virginities" according to this weird definition, and I'm not sure why we should hold that idea over victims' heads. "You're dirty because you didn't consent to have sex." How does that make any sense?

[jenntasticxx]

In my opinion, there are two different types of virginity: physical and spiritual. If you were raped, you would lose your physical virginity. But really, sex is (for some people) an emotional and loving experience, and rape is a violent and harsh experience. In that way, I would not say being raped is losing your virginity.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by Revolution

I'm going to say no, but really, my question is: Why does it matter? Virginity is just a stupid construct in society. First, the hymen thing, it's just a myth. You never break your hymen, your hymen is already "broken" (or has a hole in it) by the time you have sex (unless there is something wrong), you can find more about this here. Second, virginity is just a construct to shame people for having sex, and to give an idea about "adulthood." It's a very heterosexist weird idea, since only heterosexual people have "virginities" according to this weird definition, and I'm not sure why we should hold that idea over victims' heads. "You're dirty because you didn't consent to have sex." How does that make any sense?

I'm with Traci on this, although I think that even in a sex-positive context, people will still value the loss of "virginity" (under a more inclusive definition than the traditional one) so long as it represents some kind of success.

But, given that connection with success, I think that being raped wouldn't count as a loss of virginity. Physical definitions of virginity (loss of hymen, penetration of vagina, etc) all crumble under the application of logical argument. Far better would be to treat the loss of virginity as something emotional rather than physical. It's the decision to become sexual with someone that matters (and the corresponding "surrender of innocence" and so on), and therefore rape is no more the loss of virginity than being robbed is a charitable donation.

[Dervisher]

NO IT DOESNT CAUSE MY VIEWS ON THE WORD 'VIRGINITY' ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS. OHOHOHO CONFLICT. YEP GG.

I ALSO BELIEVE IN GOD, SO THERE.


This is pretty much what happens with any kind of argument, even if the facts are there in your face. People will believe what they want, disregarding the 'standardized' terms for it, or they'll make up new forms of it. It's all with how people cope with themselves.

It's sad in a way that I watch this slosh of garbage show itself up all the time but the truth of the matter is:

Who gives a fuck? Let people believe what they want to believe. Some will believe it isn't, some will believe it is. Some will believe it's neither because they've had so much LCD they don't think we physically exist and it's all in our heads.

Asking people's opinions/preferences is sort of a pointless thing, but if you get entertainment out of it there was my 2 cents. There isn't a true answer that everyone will accept. Strict/closed minded people will argue with what i've said because they believe in 'x' thing and they can't think any other way.

It's sad sometimes how limited everyone is when it comes to thinking about things.

[Jack Lowden]

I believe it's up to the person if they want to count it or not.

[Stargazed.]

Physically, yes. Spiritually/emotionally, no.

[random95]

Originally Posted by Unbreakable♥

I believe it's up to the person if they want to count it or not.

I agree. (In no way do I think I know how I would feel if it was me being raped, but I think I would still count myself as a virgin).

That's because I view "virginity" as something you lose after you have had consental sex for the first time. A spiritual thing, not a physical thing.

I guess it's very individual.

[Houseman]

Originally Posted by Revolution

I'm going to say no, but really, my question is: Why does it matter? Virginity is just a stupid construct in society. First, the hymen thing, it's just a myth. You never break your hymen, your hymen is already "broken" (or has a hole in it) by the time you have sex (unless there is something wrong), you can find more about this here. Second, virginity is just a construct to shame people for having sex, and to give an idea about "adulthood." It's a very heterosexist weird idea, since only heterosexual people have "virginities" according to this weird definition, and I'm not sure why we should hold that idea over victims' heads. "You're dirty because you didn't consent to have sex.R" How does that make any sense?

I don't think it was designed to shame people, that's just how our society uses it.

I'm an engineer, so for me if youve never had a penis inside your vagina, or never put your penis inside a vagina you are a virgin, all connotation aside I abide by the dictionary.

[MidnightMay]

I agree with it being up to the person. I used to wear an abstience ring(sorry if mispelled) and my pastor told me I could still wear it. I was told I wasn't by some people but others I was. So it is your own opinion.

[Jaguar]

I believe losing your virginity means voluntary successful sexual intercourse. Not rape. I believe it firmly.

[Magical Forest.]

No I don't think it does. Virginity is something that should never be taken away by force. Rape is a completely different thing.

[Coffee.]

Originally Posted by Houseman

I don't think it was designed to shame people, that's just how our society uses it.

I'm an engineer, so for me if youve never had a penis inside your vagina, or never put your penis inside a vagina you are a virgin, all connotation aside I abide by the dictionary.

What about people who are not straight? Fairly heterosexist definition, if it isn't just a way to shame people.

Depends on what virginity we are talking about. Physically, yes. Penetration has occurred and therefore virginity is lost. But many people see virginity as an emotional thing as well, and for those people virginity is not truly lost until it is with someone they love and consent to.

[Ennui.]

Phyiscally I think that the virginity is lost, but mentally it depends on what a person believes with their virginity. For example, like Jordan said a lot of people see virginity as emotional as well so it's not lost to those people until they consent.

[BECCALICIOUS!]

My first time was rape. Before I started having consensual sex, I would tell people that I was a virgin because I didn't want to talk about the rape. I didn't have a problem with it in a physical/medical context and it wasn't something I hid from my doctors or anything like that. But once I had consensual sex I no longer defined myself as a virgin.

I guess that for me it was kind of living a double life in between. Physically I knew I wasn't a virgin but emotionally and even socially I was. I think the social aspect of it is a huge thing I forgot, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who was nosy/had nosy friends in high school about who was having sex and who wasn't. :P

So my answer: you are no longer a physical virgin after rape. You are a virgin when it comes to consensual sexual intercourse -- whether it be an emotional statement of love or a heated one-night stand.

[niente_]

Agree with the two above, physically your virginity has been lost (unfortunately). But i see no problem in people saying they are still virgins and losing their virginity when they give consent.

A had a friend who called himself a virgin because the first time he had sex he was drunk at a party and didn't remember much of it ... my opinion on that is VERY different!

[Greenie]

Going by the denotative meaning, penis/vagina rape is yeah, a loss of virginity. But I don't think it intends to shame, just some people use it in that context. Just like the word 'gay' was never originally intended to be offensive. To be a virgin means that vaginal penetration (with the penis) has occurred, with the possibility of reproduction (if both people were fertile, obviously). The spiritual side of it that people take from the word doesn't intend to discriminate against them but does not consider homosexuals due to the word originating from a biological perspective. The spiritual meaning people get from the word is totally up to the indiviual's opinion of the matter.

[Jesus Christ.]

By definition, yes rape does count as losing your virginity.
And yes, this does mean that you can't lose your virginity to a person of the same sex.

I also think think it's a load of bollocks when people talk about 'mental virginity' or whatever, virginity is a physical thing NOT a mental thing. To say it's a mental thing is just idiotic.

[SamMarie]

I think being a virgin or not doesn't matter. We have all had our stories and yes, people abuse sex in different ways whether it be rape, one night stands, friends with benefits, ect. There are going to be excuses and well that's that. If two people love each other, they will accept each other. Rape is just an unfortunate way to lose your virginity, but that doesn't mean you can't have sex again with someone you love. So, I do believe it is up to the person, but realistically, you lost it because that's just how it's always been- Penis and vagina together, in and out, Rough or slow. It's not going to go away. Life is suffering.

[x3lovelymex3]

medically yes....in all the ways that matter no..like spirtually and emotionally

[havehopeyourbeautiful]

i think no for being raped because that is a shame and a waste ! i belive this firmly

[blumemusik♫]

I personally believe that virginity is the physical not-had-penetrative-sex thing.
So yes, in my opinion, if you are raped, you are no longer a virgin.

[Heretic]

My dear friend was raped some time ago, but she still identifies herself as a virgin, partially because in typical teenage conversation when the topic comes up, she doesn't want to explain why she's medically not a virgin, but also because she considers her virginity to be lost when she has consensual sex.

[Bibliophile]

Originally Posted by Anthropomorphic

My dear friend was raped some time ago, but she still identifies herself as a virgin, partially because in typical teenage conversation when the topic comes up, she doesn't want to explain why she's medically not a virgin, but also because she considers her virginity to be lost when she has consensual sex.

I agree with this.

I guess if you think of virginity as something that you 'give', then you're not willingly giving it to the rapist, they're taking it from you. It's yours, so yes, by the medical definition you have lost your virginity, but it wasn't a consensual act so I'd consider future consensual sex to be losing virginity.

[LANIKA]

It really comes down to the victim and what they believe - If they say they're a virgin despite the assault, then they're a virgin. If they don't believe that and view their virginity as being 'stripped' from them, then they are not. It all comes down to self definition, and the definition of virginity varies from person from person. Not being a victim and looking at this question, we shouldn't really be judging if we haven't been there. -shrugs- It's not really up to us to define.