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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Unhappy Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 05:04 AM

So, My boyfriend and I have had our share of problems. Every relationship does. We have made it a long way. When we first started dating two years ago, we had sex quite a bit. Passionate. Ya know? With tons of foreplay and such. And as time goes by, we don't really have much sex at all. He says he is very attracted to me. It is just all the bs between us makes him feel as though it is a chore. I don't want him to feel like that. I have tried talking to him, he just makes me feel like it is all my fault, even if it is not. I try to have sex with him, but it feels weird. Like I have to force him. And we don't kiss passionately. We have to practically make a date and go in the room and have sex and then we go play video games. That is not how it was when we first got together. He does not touch me like he used to, no foreplay, and I feel like I have to force him to want to. He enjoys it still, but now it is like he wants me to do all the work. And that is not very romantic. EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME! It gets old. And then, if I try to turn him on, he is always tired or not in the mood or needs to shower(then he showers and is tired.) So now, I am afraid to even try. The last time we tried, he got mad because I was "dry" which I was not, I had the damn ac blowing on me. It's not like the niagara falls down there. So then he tries to say that that means that I am not turned on or wanting to have sex with him. For one, we jumped in bed and started trying to have sex, after arguing over who was going to do the work. I was not "technically" turned on priar, but was getting there. Ya know? So then we took a break and talked about that with me reassuring him the I very much do want to have sex with him, then I went and turned the ac off. And then he was not in the mood and wanted to nap. It's not like I can spice it up, because he is not in to all that sort of stuff...... It is very frustrating.

Also, now I am pregnant (his of course) and now I just feel even worse because I want his attention even more. And with all my emotions and hormones raging, everything seems ten times worse. But this was going on before I got pregnant. Ugh..... Please help, I don't know what to do?!

Last edited by PSY; July 27th 2012 at 09:58 PM. Reason: Moved to the Sex and Puberty forum.
   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 05:52 AM

Hey Lacy.
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. Be assured, a lot of relationships have similar issues. I suggest talking to him about all of this. Sit down with him and calmly communicate what you're feeling,your need for attention, and how things seem to be getting out of hand. Once he understands your view, it will make it easier for you both to work through the problem. Good luck!
   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 05:56 AM

He says it is because of our problems, that he feels like it is more a chore like something he has to do than something he wants to do. I just don't know, I asked him what has happened recently to make him feel that way. And he answered with my hormones and moving. Which I think is bogus. It is always something even when there is nothing. I am attentive and make him food and do his laundry and look forward to him getting home. Ask how his day is. I mean I don't know what else to do?!




   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 06:14 AM

I think that you have more relationship problems than just sex, and I don't think sex is that most important problem that you need to deal with. Granted, sex is very important in a successful relationship, but I think that there's other things you may need to address. The fact that your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex could mean thousands of things -- potentially, it's a serious issue. Now that you got a kid along the way, things are getting more intense because you both are going to have to make a lot of adjustments. Sex is probably going to be an even bigger issue now consider he's got more to deal with. There's something that you and him haven't communicated thoroughly. Either he's not telling you something, or you're not asking. I think that relationship issues should be dealt from the inside first, and all the outside things will fix themselves. Psychologically, there's an issue, a lack of connection, understanding, etc from the relationship...and fixing that could very well fix the sex. Knowing my girlfriend is willing to settle any issues that we have and saying what's on her mind makes our sex so much better because I know I'm having sex with a woman who is willing to not only live with an imperfect relationship, but make the best of it.
   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 06:22 AM

We both have done our part wrong, and moved on. Just recently I found he has been going behind my back lying to me and that he has been lying to me since right after we first got together. I tried to talk to him about everything. He said it happened, it won't again, and that we can either break up or move past it...... So we decided to move past it, Not the first time he lied to me..... I feel as though if anyone should not want to have sex, it should be me. But I look at him, and I see good. I don't see all the bad. I don't know hard to explain I guess. I have not mentioned anything about it. Plus I am moving an hour away from my family, job, friends, doctor, and the hospital for him! His job is there, and it is way better than mine. I will be giving up my job for him. Not entirely, but partly. Plus, I am growing his baby. Isn't that attractive? I think I am attractive... Well I did. Now I just feel like I am ugly because he doesn't do the things he used to. He just laughs it off. It is impossible to have a serious convo with him. And then he usually ends up mad at me. Because I am "bitching about nonsense", "nagging", or "bringing up events in the past". I feel like I never can win....




   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 04:15 PM

Maybe he's stressed about the baby. He's scared. I mean there's so many more reasons but you should most definitely figure it out fast. Make a romantic dinner for him, set the spark again. Talk about the fun things, let go a bit.


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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 07:09 PM

He is not really in to that sort of stuff. And, as I mentioned before, this was happening before I was pregnant. Now, it is getting to the point where it is really bugging me, because I feel things between us are getting better, but it is not showing in our sex life. Everything else is fine. We joke and laugh and have fun together. Talk and such. He has said in the past that me "nagging" makes him not want to have sex with me an unattractive to me. But we have worked on a lot. It is not the sex I want, I just want him to want to.




   
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Re: Help Please? - July 27th 2012, 10:01 PM

Hey there! I just wanted to let you know that I've moved this to the "Sex and Puberty" forum, as the primary focus seems to be on your sex life (which IS a part of your relationship, but I feel you might receive better answers in this forum).





   
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Re: Help Please? - July 28th 2012, 05:03 AM

That is no problem. So here is an update.

I tried to talk to him tonight. I even tried to dress up a little to impress him... He did not say a word to me. We layed down in bed and I asked him what I am doing wrong and he did not seem to understand what I was talking about so I explained. And he goes "Ever think I am just extremely tired? Between moving and you not sleeping and me not sleeping?" I am like too tired to show me affection? And hug me and kiss me? Two weeks ago you said it was because I was doing something wrong that made you not want to really do anything. And he does not say anything. Then he says "Right now what your doing wrong is trying to talk to me while I am laying down trying to go to bed." And then I tell him it is because I am afraid to talk to him because he usually ends up upset with me over something. And he goes, so this is all my fault? And that really pissed me off. I told him that I am not blaming anyone, not me or him. And asked him if he would stop. He does that every time I try to talk to him..... He now, tries to make it sound like everything is okay, he even said himself he felt everything was okay..... But just a month ago and less, we had problems because I was doing something wrong. He says that is what happens when you get in a committed relationship, you get used to each other. I was like really? I still want to hug and kiss on you like we used to. I don't want this to be the rest of my life! I am not happy at all! I am absolutely miserable! I just don't know what to do!




   
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