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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Are we bad kids? - October 21st 2012, 10:59 PM

So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now. Over the summer, we had been left alone in many places and left with opportunities to do a little bit of stuff, if you catch my drift. However, we managed to keep it to kissing the whole time. Well, finally in August, we had our first little encounter, I was helping out with her and her mom at her mom's school where she taught, and her mom left to get us lunch. Well, being left alone, we began to get a little handsy, and well, made it into third base. This continued for about 3 days. About a week and a half later, I had a meeting at my school right before school started, and her parents were at work, so I had my friend drop me off at her house, and well we had sex that night and I spent the night and left the next day. A month later, school had already started, we were three weeks in, and she left early feeling "sick" and I skipped the last half to go spend the night at her house. Again same thing. Well now a month later, we've been doing alot, and in fact, homecoming was yesterday and we had sex again. We've reassured each other that our relationship is still emotional and for the happiness, and the physical stuff isn't important. And I believe it all. Neither of our parents are aware of what's been happening. I just wanna know, are we bad kids? Are we destined for worse? I don't know, I'm just curious. I mean, we don't do drugs or party or drink, it's just a young couple being a young couple, right?
   
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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 21st 2012, 11:08 PM

Sounds like a young couple being a young couple to me.

If you feel like you're going over the top, then just lay low for a while. I mean, it's kind of hard to do those things when you don't have a place of your own. So, the only way to really get away with it is to be sneaky.



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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 21st 2012, 11:40 PM

Sex is common among teenagers, especially nowadays. Honestly you guys are just a teen couple acting exactly like that. You guys aren't bad kids or destined for a bad future because you're having sex.


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 22nd 2012, 11:39 AM

You guys sound like a normal couple to me. Sneaking around is never a good thing though, but I know, only too well, how difficult it could be to find any 'alone time' with your partner. You're not doing anything wrong.











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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 22nd 2012, 12:26 PM

I don't encourage sex, just make sure your being safe about it. Sex is one of those things that can change your life forever. Again just becarful and all will be good!
   
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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 23rd 2012, 08:26 PM

Bad? Because your having sex? Heck no. You see, that is what I hate about this society we live in, it makes us think that our very nature is a sinful thing. From an early age we are taught to think of our pubic region as a dirty place, to be covered up and never spoke of. Stop feeling guilty, and rather focus on loving your partner. If that includes sex, THAT IS HEALTHY! Just be sure to be safe about it.


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 24th 2012, 03:08 AM

No you're not bad kids. You're a normal teenage couple it sounds like to me



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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 24th 2012, 10:39 AM

You're not a bad person, it's natural to engage in intercourse. Just be safe.


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 24th 2012, 10:50 AM

it depends on what perspective you look at it from. As regular, realistic people, you would see it as a normal teenage activity.

As a parent, you might have expected your children to be smarter and hoped they wouldn't do something like that -just because you might be concerned about their future, and it reflects on their parenting. They might be disappointed with you as need time to think about their parenting. Other parents might not really care as long as their children are being safe.

As peers, you might look differently upon those people- in a judgmental way possibly?

depending on the people in your life, and their values will determine if you are a 'bad' kid. If your parents told you to not have sex before you are married/over 18/financially stable, then in their eyes you would probably be considered a bad kid because you didn't listen to them. but if they put no emphasis on it and didn't tell you much, then they probably thought it would happen someday.

Just know where your parents/peers/family members stand when it comes to this sort of thing. That will determine if you are considered a 'bad kid'.

does that make you a bad person? absolutely not! you can still do good things and you can still help out. not listening to your parents/values makes you disobedient, not a bad person- (maybe to your girlfriend's family depending on her family's values...they might not be happy with the situation so I would keep quiet about the whole thing until you are both 18)
   
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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 24th 2012, 12:15 PM

No you are not bad i lost my virginity at 12 just be safe about


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 24th 2012, 03:06 PM

No your not being "bad kids". And I don't think having sex is some dirty bad thing which OBVIOUSLY means your in danger of things like binge drinking, drug use and so on (I say binge drinking because have 1 singular drink or even a few drinks but NOT getting totally wasted is NOT a bad thing). Around the 70's or 80's people stopped treating sex outside of marriage as such a dramatic (and apparently terrible) thing to do. The introduction/legality and/or wide spread availability of things like birth control, condoms, abortion, and assistance for things like adoption, gynocologists/obstetricians and sex education made it possible for people to SAFELY engage in sex. Yes, not everyone is going to agree with abortion but that's SO not my point so for those with a problem with it just let it go. My point is that before it would have been hard to have sex outside a marriage largely because you couldn't properly protect yourself and lots of times there wasn't any health care and education to back it up. Not to mention you have all the religions out there stigmatizing sexuality in some way or another. So times have changed to make sex MORE accepted.

But on the flip face, there is still a lot of sex-shaming out there. Which is to say that to have sex is shamed, to be gay is shamed, to be a slut is shamed. So I think that that puts lot of pressure on teenagers who WANT to do it, and, on some level, hear/know that it is ok, but also see the evidence of it getting shamed. And to top it off, a lot of parents would be somewhat horrified to know what their kid was doing (having sex). I know a lot of parents (including my own mother) who can be more realistic, and accept that their children WILL have sex and just do what they can to ensure that their kid knows that they won't be penalized for it as long as they are SAFE and don't get pregnant/get anyone else pregnant.

However, most teenagers don't announce what they are doing to their parents in any case. The mere fact that you aren't having sex while your mom is sitting in the next room isn't bad. That's normal. If nothing else, it's a private matter, and it's reasonable to want privacy. An it's entirely up to you who knows and who doesn't. This isn't something you "keep a secret", that suggests that there is something wrong or bad or deviant about it (at least in the eyes of those you'd tell if not your own). You don't need to advertise it, but that's more for the sake of the fact that it is a private and intimate act.

So... All in all, nothing is wrong.




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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 25th 2012, 01:30 PM

I believe that sex should be left to marriage couples, mainly because of the emotional maturity it takes to involve sex into the relationship and not have it change. However, are you BAD for what you're doing? No. You're a normal teenager, but like other normal teenagers, it's not odd to get the normal teenager outcomes from sex at this young age. You could be together forever, but is it likely? No. If you feel bad about it, then that's something you should address. Don't look for confirmation from others to excuse you feeling bad about something you feel bad about. Listen to yourself.


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 25th 2012, 03:09 PM

Kandi--let me ask you this though... If it involves "emotional maturity" to have sex who is it that dictates that you are suddenly this perfectly "emotionally mature" person once you are married? I sure as hell don't think that every person who is married is there. Heck, some of my friends are married and some were married by 19 or 20, how does that make THEM any more "ready" than I at 21? I think that for some people there is a "purity" thing, there is a desire to know that they aren't going to do something that they want to be special and that they want to share with only that one special someone, and for some people having sex is something that they believe only belongs to the one that they marry. Well, quite frankly that is fine. If you believe you your self are not emotionally ready or if you believe that you yourself would like to give your virginity to only 1 person that is fine.

But I don't think you can apply things like "emotional maturity" or what ever you wish to call it across the board. I don't think you can say people shouldn't have sex before marriage cause there is no way ANYONE can handle the significance of sex before marriage. I don't know about you, but personally I am FINE with the fact that I had sex with a guy who I didn't marry. I think there is a lot of stigma and stereotypes with teenagers having sex. For example, the whole thing where people are saying "oh, once a girl has sex she'll be mega time attached to the guy and then the bad boy guy she slept with will break her heart ooooh", not true, it might make a girl feel closer to a guy, but that's been turned into a bad thing by guys who don't want to commit by telling girls it is bad if she wants to be close to him by scaring her into not having sex because it's "bad" if you are to emotionally close to a guy. And the only time that's bad is when you are stuck with some emotionally stunted guy who's going to shut you down for wanting to be close to him.

There isn't some switch that goes off when you get married that says, oh well, I'm married, ok, well I am ready for sex now. People are ready when they are ready. And there isn't some set time for who is going to be ready when, lots of factors play in--culture, family belief, friends, education, what YOU want for YOU, etc.




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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 25th 2012, 08:22 PM

No, you two are just being a normal young couple.
Just be wary of keeping yourselves protected.


   
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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 25th 2012, 10:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bumble bee View Post
Kandi--let me ask you this though... If it involves "emotional maturity" to have sex who is it that dictates that you are suddenly this perfectly "emotionally mature" person once you are married? I sure as hell don't think that every person who is married is there. Heck, some of my friends are married and some were married by 19 or 20, how does that make THEM any more "ready" than I at 21? I think that for some people there is a "purity" thing, there is a desire to know that they aren't going to do something that they want to be special and that they want to share with only that one special someone, and for some people having sex is something that they believe only belongs to the one that they marry. Well, quite frankly that is fine. If you believe you your self are not emotionally ready or if you believe that you yourself would like to give your virginity to only 1 person that is fine.

But I don't think you can apply things like "emotional maturity" or what ever you wish to call it across the board. I don't think you can say people shouldn't have sex before marriage cause there is no way ANYONE can handle the significance of sex before marriage. I don't know about you, but personally I am FINE with the fact that I had sex with a guy who I didn't marry. I think there is a lot of stigma and stereotypes with teenagers having sex. For example, the whole thing where people are saying "oh, once a girl has sex she'll be mega time attached to the guy and then the bad boy guy she slept with will break her heart ooooh", not true, it might make a girl feel closer to a guy, but that's been turned into a bad thing by guys who don't want to commit by telling girls it is bad if she wants to be close to him by scaring her into not having sex because it's "bad" if you are to emotionally close to a guy. And the only time that's bad is when you are stuck with some emotionally stunted guy who's going to shut you down for wanting to be close to him.

There isn't some switch that goes off when you get married that says, oh well, I'm married, ok, well I am ready for sex now. People are ready when they are ready. And there isn't some set time for who is going to be ready when, lots of factors play in--culture, family belief, friends, education, what YOU want for YOU, etc.
If Synthesized asked me this question, I'd answer it. But since this is my opinion and I have no reason to defend it, I am not going to go into it. You're clearly looking for a debate or an argument (because if you only wanted my opinion, you would've asked instead of stating yours as well) and that's not what this site is for.


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Re: Are we bad kids? - October 25th 2012, 10:15 PM

Okay guys, let's remember to answer the OP and if you want to have side conversations to take it to PM.


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