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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
david s.a Offline
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question for parents - May 30th 2014, 07:47 AM

I refer this question to parents but i dont mind to hear younger opinions.
Kids start to masturbate at a very young age and naturally they are looking for something to arouse themselves. When i was 12 i was allready exposed to porn but i dont want my boy to watch porn at this age and get wrong ideas about sex.
If i got porn at the age of 12 before the internet era so i'm sure my boy can get. I would like to prevent that by offering him an alternative.

Any suggestions?
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Re: question for parents - May 30th 2014, 02:17 PM

I wouldn't say that your 12 year old needs any sexual material. I understand that a lot of young lads will end up finding some, but you don't need to help him with that. If you allow him to use the internet unsupervised, then chances are he will find something rude and inappropriate for his age. But that's down to how you supervise his internet use.

I personally think 12 years old is quite young for porn and sexual talk, but if you think he is curious about it you could just talk to him. It'll be better for you both to have a good relationship together so you can talk about such things.

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Re: question for parents - May 30th 2014, 02:51 PM

Even if you ban him from internet altogether, there's still books, movies, video games. Even just good ol' imagination. Try as you might, you can't protect someone from these things. Therefore, I would suggest you talk with him and tell him what you feel you need to, since chances are, you're not going to know if/when he gets into that stuff.
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Re: question for parents - June 2nd 2014, 10:32 PM

Beyond what has already been said, you could download one of the various software programs to any computer that he would use that will block most x-rated sites.
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Re: question for parents - June 2nd 2014, 11:50 PM

Im not suggesting to expose kids for porn. But even if i will burn his computer and cell phone the porn will find his way to him...
There are some wrong ideas about sexsual relations in porn and this is worries me more the the possibilty of my son will watch intercourse.
What i would like is an alternative for porn. For example i was masturbating with shoes advertisment.
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Re: question for parents - June 3rd 2014, 01:47 PM

One option is to just put parent controls on the internet at home, you don't even need to make a spectacle about it, just set up the parent controls and be done with it. If you son notices cause he can't get on a website (sometimes perfectly legitimate websites are blocked) just tell him you heard some kids were accessing harmful websites and that it might make you a paranoid parent that you decided that parent controls on the internet for the time being would be best in order to calm your concerns. Don't make it sound like you suspect he might do anything, my parents used to do that a lot "oh, we put the parent controls on because we don't want you to go on bad websites" makes it sound like you think he's going to do something wrong and that you don't trust him before he's even done something - that makes him angry right away AND burns the bridge down the road if he manages to access it any how.

But I think that if he has his lap top (vs. a pc) AND a cell phone you can only set up so many restrictions (ex. idk if parent controls on your lap top will translate to every computer in the home and personally, I, for example, had a password on my lap top and would NEVER have given it to my dad so that he could fuck around with what I could access, so there is a fine line there in the use of parent controls cause you can't force him to allow you to change those settings and I don't think it would be fair for you to force it just because you are uncomfortable with him seeing porn.

Now what I think a healthier option would be would to have a talk with him, like what healthy relationships are, safe sex, mention that porn isn't the "norm" and often makes women the play things of men there (which is kind of sick and annoying in my opinion; porn is always for the pleasure of men, end of story) and it's important that your son knows this so that IF he accesses it, you, as his father, have made the attempt to instil him with healthy ideals, so this way he won't think that porn is the ideal. At the end of the day, yes, 12 is to young to access porn. So maybe you can stop it for now (parent controls blah blah blah) BUT what about when he is 18? 20? 30? Some day he can access it and, as an adult, you probably can't stop him easily at that point, so a good talk (or talkS) would be good

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: question for parents - June 7th 2014, 04:54 PM

Why the hell is everyone suggesting supervisiom? Leave the kid alone, he can probably bypass it anyways.
The thing that WILL help is talking to him.
Let him be exposed to porn, why not? But after you need to talk to him so he can realize that porn isnt that good and that its quite... Eww, compared to the real thing. Communication is the key really. Hes 12, he wont actively search for it but he will probably stumble upon it. I explored the internet a lot when i was 12 and when I found some porn channels on the TV and my dad saw we just had a little talk about he trying to explain what I already knew.
Basically if you have a smart kid i wouldnt worry. If you feel like he needs guidance and that he can get into trouble, talk to him. But dont try installing anything. You will just hurt him because he will think that you dont trust him, you think hes stupid, blablabla, you get the point.
Good luck
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Re: question for parents - June 7th 2014, 06:40 PM

Hey there,

I'm not a parent but I am a student Paediatric Nurse and study health promotion and things like that a lot.

As others have said you can block as much as you want but at the end of the day he will find ways around it and he can still masturbate without porn.
At 12 especially if he hasn't hit puberty, the sexual arousal and want to masturbate might not be there, but as he gets older it will, that's just a part of growing up. The best thing in these situations is education and just being able to talk to him about these sorts of things. I'm not saying you need a big meeting and family discussion but maybe when you're in the car or something explain to him that it's normal for teenage boys to get these hormonal urges but also explain about porn and the reality of sex etc. Education and awareness is the key!

I hope this helps, feel free to PM me if you want to talk/need any more advice,


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Re: question for parents - June 7th 2014, 09:32 PM

I think the most effective tool is communication. You can take more practical steps to blocking porn from your computer (like setting up a parental filter, just make sure it's a good one he can't bypass, or supervising his online time) but he may still find ways to acquire that material or watch it with your knowledge so it's important to equip him with the knowledge necessary to make good decisions for himself and to deal respectfully with any future sexual partners he may have.

Some pointers on things you should mention if you talk to him. You can explain the practical problems of viewing porn online. Not only are lots of site full of viruses or are paid sites, but they can also include material that was put there without the consent of the people depicted in it. Not only that but if he's looking at porn with people around his age in it, he may see nothing wrong with that but it's considered underage porn and can get the adults in the household in trouble.

You should also explain that porn is often very unrealistic. Just as with action movies where the main character is shot several times in a row and can still go around punching bad guys, porn often manipulates the images and can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex, about how he or his future partners should look like, and even how to behave when having sex with someone else. For example, lots of porn is very degrading to women, and even though some people are into that in real life, that's something that should always be negotiated between the two people involved to make sure no boundaries are being crossed and that both people are enjoying what they're doing.

In general, being open to talk to him about sex and how to stay safe and keep his partners safe (like preventing STIs and unwanted pregnancies) and on respecting the boundaries of others and not doing anything against their consent (there's lots of material online on educating teenagers about consent and negotiating boundaries with sexual partners, you can research that, as much of it is geared to teachers and parents who have to teach sex ed. stuff) is very important. Do your own research on those subjects if you have to. I know lots of guys don't identify with feminism but even if that's the case with you, don't dismiss feminist-leaning sex ed. materials as many of them discuss very important topics like consent and sexual health, especially if his partners in the future are women and it's an important perspective to consider that you may not have yourself.

Finally, if you're unsure whether the time is right to discuss it with him, you can just make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything and ask any questions he may have, and just giving him a general talk related to puberty and the changes it involves can help him be prepared for it and if he asks any questions or seems to want to ask them, you can help him and explain about those subjects.

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