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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Should I lose my virginity now? - July 26th 2014, 09:23 PM

Hi

I'm 16, female and I quite literally have no experience with sex/relationships. I've never had a boyfriend, had a sexual experience, or even been kissed or been on a date. I'm really, really embarrassed and ashamed of how inexperienced I am, and I'm in two minds about what to do.

The first option would be to wait until I meet someone who I really like, care about and respect to date, kiss, then get into a relationship with, and then eventually lose my virginity to him. The second would be to just, well, do it. I've recently met a guy who wants to sleep with me, and I'm seriously considering losing my virginity to him to just get it over and done with. If I did, I'd feel much less embarrassed. I'm very close to my Mum and my sister (who is nearly 20) but their conversations often get onto the topic of relationships/men and sex. But I feel like I can't join in with their conversations but I have no experience with that. I often feel patronised by them because of the way they talk to me about sex and relationships. But that would stop if I had lost my virginity, and just think I'd feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin if I'd lost my virginity. I hate it. I don't value my virginity, not at all, I just don't want it, I feel like it just needs to go.

But then part of me does worry that if I lose my virginity now, it won't be as nice an experience as it could be if I waited to be in a relationship with someone who cares about me. A lot of people tell me also that people that lose their virginity just to get it done with as I am planning to regret it later on in life.

I suppose really I want the best of both worlds. I want to lose my virginity to someone I love and who loves me, but I want to lose it now, and I don't have that right now, so I have to chose one or the other. But I can't decide what to do

I can honestly say I've felt ready to do this since I was about 13. I've been waiting for 3 years and I just don't want to wait anymore. But something tells me that I should still.
What I'd really like is advice from people who have already been there and done that. I'd just like to hear about some other people's experiences and from it, what they'd recommend I do. I'm getting really upset and frustrated because I can't decide what to do. Please help me!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 26th 2014, 09:46 PM

The general rule of this is if you have to ask the answer is probably no.

I can understand it might be frustrating to have to wait especially if you feel like you are ready now but you did post this thread which means that somewhere inside of you there's at least a little bit of doubt. I felt like you before, I just wanted to be rid of my virginity and even considered meeting up with a random guy to do so but this idea is quite dangerous and I'm glad I never went through with it since who knows what would have happened.

I waited until I was 18 and in a stable relationship I was happy in to lose it and I can honestly say that I don't have any regrets about not losing it sooner. Since you've posted this I would encourage you to wait until you've found somebody you care about and trust enough to lose it to.

I hope this helped, if you need to talk about anything more feel free to message me
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 26th 2014, 09:51 PM

I've been here. I have been here so many times. I'm 21 and still a virgin. Personally, I think you should wait. You can always decide to do it later, but once it's done you can never undo it. I'm 21 and in my last year of college and I'm personally seriously considering just hooking up with someone, but I'm SO glad I didn't do that when I was 16. Even though I've thought I was ready for a long time, I really wasn't. I personally don't regard virginity as something special, so I would be okay with hooking up with someone as long as I trust them. It really depends on how you view it. If you view it as something special then you very well may regret "losing it to get it over with."

Short version of that is I really think you should wait, at least until you're a little older.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 26th 2014, 11:20 PM

I'm 18 and still a virgin, never dated either. May I ask why it is so embarrassing? I honestly feel as if some of the people who are our age who SAY they have done something sexual or lost their virginity, probably aren't as experienced as you may think.

The fact that you are asking makes me wonder if you are having at least some doubts about whether losing your virginity with the guy who wants to have sex with you is the right idea or not. Remember that if you are having any sort of a doubt, it's best to wait. You also have to make sure you have any boundaries set and are emotionally prepared for sex. Will this be a one-time deal, or will you two become friends with benefits? If you become friends with benefits, what will you do if one of you develops more feelings than anticipated? Are you sure you won't have any regrets?

But, if you DO want to go through with it, I am going to remind you to always use protection! Condoms, at the very least, to protect against pregnancy as well as sexually transmitted infections. If you would like, you can also see about going onto the birth control pill, but remember that that does not prevent against STIs. Also know that if at any time during the sexual encounter you don't feel it is right anymore, it is OKAY to say no.

-Dez


   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 06:48 AM

NO. Ive gotten a lot more open-minded and understanding about this topic, but losing your virginity to a somewhat-stranger is stupid...especially if its to pander to what OTHER people want. Its your virginity, your business. Find a guy who you actually love, then it might be a good idea.
Im a virgin, and frankly I dont care. If I had a girlfriend, even without sex, Id love it.
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 08:44 AM

Great advice people, Meet the guy of your dreams, make it a special moment, you only get it once! Lose it wisely! -don't do something you will regret! Xx
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 09:15 AM

I agree with the others, this isn't a question you should have to ask. You'll know when you're ready, and you'll know when it's the right time. If you haven't got a boyfriend now, don't just sleep with someone for the sake of it. Virginity isn't all that, I know, but you don't want to just throw it around. You don't want to have a bad first time because you'll always remember it.



   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 10:43 AM

Yeah basically everyone on this forum will tell you to wait.
I mean most people in general will. Just because its a one time thing.
Losing a virginity isnt anything special if you arent with a special person. If you lose it just because you did you will probably feel guilty. You wont get a trophy when you lose it, nothing will blink "achievement got" or anything else. I dont see why people want to lose their virginity. You dont get older, you dont get more wise, you certainly dont have any fairy shit or something (ive seen stupid beliefs)...
So I agree with 90% of the human population, dont lose your virginity to some stranger.
Wait for the special person.
Take care
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 01:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merpop. View Post
I'm 18 and still a virgin, never dated either. May I ask why it is so embarrassing? I honestly feel as if some of the people who are our age who SAY they have done something sexual or lost their virginity, probably aren't as experienced as you may think.

The fact that you are asking makes me wonder if you are having at least some doubts about whether losing your virginity with the guy who wants to have sex with you is the right idea or not. Remember that if you are having any sort of a doubt, it's best to wait. You also have to make sure you have any boundaries set and are emotionally prepared for sex. Will this be a one-time deal, or will you two become friends with benefits? If you become friends with benefits, what will you do if one of you develops more feelings than anticipated? Are you sure you won't have any regrets?

But, if you DO want to go through with it, I am going to remind you to always use protection! Condoms, at the very least, to protect against pregnancy as well as sexually transmitted infections. If you would like, you can also see about going onto the birth control pill, but remember that that does not prevent against STIs. Also know that if at any time during the sexual encounter you don't feel it is right anymore, it is OKAY to say no.

-Dez
I suppose I feel so embarassed because I'm often patronised about being very inexperienced. I feel pressured. My Mum and sister are always talking to me about relationships and sex and doing little things like giving me tips for my first time, which makes me feel as if they expect me to have sex soon if they're doing that. My Mum has also made comments about how she "doesn't want a 40 year old virgin in the family" to me which obviously worries me that she feels I SHOULD be having sex now, and that she thinks if I don't do it soon then I will be a 40 year old virgin.

I think if I do this it'll be a one time deal.

I am already taking the contraceptive pill, I was having irregular periods so my doctor recommended I took it to sort out that problem. I will definitely use a condom if I go through with it.
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 27th 2014, 10:19 PM

There are few things that make me turn into a giant squid of anger more than sexual expectations, and this thread, well, I have quite a bit to say. The bottom line is as follows: your mother's attitude to this stuff is completely backwards. It's quite likely that the way you view your own virginity is partly down to her social conditioning, but that's not for me to ponder or evaluate.

Being a virgin at sixteen is nothing to be embarrassed about. Last year, I was sixteen, and I had never kissed, dated nor even been interested in anyone in that way, at all. I'm almost eighteen now and still a virgin, with no real plans for losing it any time soon. And it was embarrassing, because all the guys I go to school with had, and still have, far more experience than I. They all had their first experiences a few years before, and, well, they flaunted that. It sucks. It makes you feel like you should be the same.

However, why care about what everyone else says, thinks or does? Why care if so many other people brag about their sexual prowess? All it says about them when they flaunt it like that is that they actually think getting laid increases their worth as a person, which is a very, very dangerous way of thinking. And why do you have to be the same as them? There are forty-year-old virgins. There are people who remain celibate their entire lives, and plenty of them are damn happier for it. There are people who have sex when they're young, and plenty of them are damn happier for that, too. It comes down to possibly the most fundamental principle anyone should be taught; people are different. We're not carbon copies of some prototype, we don't all lose our virginities at such-and-such and age, we don't all frown upon still being a virgin as it being worse than contracting the bubonic plague and we are all our own people who make our own choices. You may feel ready, too, but feeling ready to do something =/= being required to do it.

So, if your mother thinks you should be having sex now, she's wrong. She's objectively wrong, and, in my humble opinion, she would also be objectively wrong if she said you shouldn't be having sex now. You're sixteen years old, which means that, in a hell of a lot of places, you can legally consent to sexual activity. Sexual expectations, either way, are wrong. They completely override the much valued concept of freedom to make choices for oneself.

tl;dr - If you can swear upon your life that this is what you, yourself want, and that you're not solely considering it because your mother thinks you should, grab a condom and knock yourself out. If not, it's probably a bad idea. Honestly, randomly hooking up at a young age is a bad idea in general, as it can get messy and tends to be something people regret. You may want a one time deal, what if he doesn't? My advice is to wait it out. You'll likely meet someone special and have your first time the way it's meant to be. If not, so be it. But I wouldn't recommend throwing it away right now. That's my personal input. Cheers, love.
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 28th 2014, 04:27 PM

Hey there,

I know right now your virginity doesn't seem like a huge deal, but it will matter in time. If you do just lose your virginity to anyone you will regret in, maybe in a few years from now or ten years down the line. I think it's important to at least lose it to someone who you care about, who you're comfortable and who makes you happy. Although you say you just want rid of it, I don't think you truly mean that because otherwise you wouldn't be asking, you'd be out there doing it, but it's a good thing that you're questioning your decision.
Just take your time, there's no rush.

Best of luck,
Paige


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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 28th 2014, 04:27 PM

Hey there,
the question you are asking is a proof in itself that you are not ready yet. U don't need to have sex just to be a part of a conversation. You should have sex when you are completely ready mentally and emotionally and with the person you truly love.
if you think you are being pressured than think that you are different from others and that you don't need sex to be a part of a conversation. You can and should preserve losing your virginity for when you are really ready.
as for being a part of the conversation.... I am sure you have many other subjects you can talk on and when the topic of sex comes, turn a deaf ear
its better to be inexperienced than to regret it
You can talk to me if you need any further help
best of luck
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 28th 2014, 04:27 PM

I think you are better off waiting. Losing your viriginity could be a negative experience or simply not really make you feel more secure, it might have the opposite affect.... No one really care if you are a virgin. If I dated a guy who was a virgin I'd respect him more for waiting versus just banging the first girl he could just to "get it over with". I think that the action alone isn't going to fix things.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Should I lose my virginity now? - July 28th 2014, 06:48 PM

Thank you everyone so much for all your help and support, and thank you for not judging me.

I have decided that I'm going to wait, at least for another six to twelve months. Although a part of me still does feel like it might be best to just do it, you're probably right that it's not. I've decided that I'm going to wait because if I do it and regret it, I can't go back. But if I wait and regret not taking this opportunity, it won't be that difficult to find someone else to just hook up with and do it.

Although I've never really regarded my virginity as anything really THAT precious or special, no-one ever forgets their first time so everyone wants it to be a good experience, and it will probably be much better if I at least wait for a nice, kind guy who I like and who'll look after me, rather than do it with one that won't bother.

Thank you all,
And if there's anything I can help any if you with please let me know
   
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