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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Georgepaul Offline
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Question Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 12th 2015, 08:29 PM

I am 19 years old, live in India. I am just like everyone else in nearly every way, except that i have no interest in sex. Don't get me wrong, i am hetrosexual. I do fall in love just like other guys. I have no interest in porn and never watched it, started using a pc when i was just 3, have my own pc and internet, Since i have no interest in this, i won't get an erection if, say, i saw a nude female picture, but i will when i talk to my gf,etc. I don't even watch R rated movies(though violence is also a factor).
I have never masturbated in my life(not even once, i mean it). This is mostly because i had no idea about this until i was 17, and never tried it coz i had no interest in it.
Usually, when people fall in love, they dream about having sex with their lover(i dunno, saying from what i heard). In my case, i do have desires, like when i fall in love, i would dream/wish about holding her hand, and at best, a hug, never sex or anything like that. Is this normal?
   
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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 12th 2015, 09:07 PM

Have you considered the fact that you might possibly be asexual? Although it's not common, it's definitely not abnormal, and awareness is growing of asexuality as an orientation more and more. Asexuals still experience feelings of romantic love and can fall in love with other people, but they don't desire to express it sexually.

I don't want to say too much about it as I'm not an expert, but maybe have a look into it?

Best of luck.


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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 12th 2015, 09:57 PM

Asexuality is the absence of a desire for sexual contact. Many people who are asexual still desire relationships, they just aren't interested in the sexual aspect of them. It's a perfectly valid orientation and, while rare, is not abnormal. You may not be asexual, but what you're experiencing is not abnormal. Enjoy your relationships for their companionate aspect. A relationship does not have to have sex to be fulfilling.



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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 13th 2015, 12:41 AM

In my opinion, how you describe yourself is completely normal. You may, and probably will, develop sexual interests as time goes on, depending on your circumstances, but right now, carry on as you are. You mention that you do fall in love, and if you lacked that, it would be more troubling. Culture, religion, upbringing, media, and so on can influence one's sexual outlook, but your feelings come from within. You should be at ease with who you are and continue to be yourself.
   
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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 14th 2015, 03:25 AM

Asexuality is a possibility. I'm asexual I guess. I'll tell you my view on things?

I'm a 20 year old female and I've never been interested in porn and I've never seeked it out myself. When it so happens to pop up in my Tumblr feed I usually just go OH GOD SCROLL FASTER, or I linger for a moment out of curiosity of anatomy- not for sexual pleasure. I've been in a couple relationships but none of the escalated kissing- but I am very capable of feeling very strongly for someone else. I really want to cuddle, touch their skin, hug, hold hands and kiss- but not anything more than that. Maybe someday, when I find someone I'm super close with? But I don't think that out of sexual desire- just as a yearning for a close bond with another. To that extent, I'm considered a grey asexual.
And I also feel really weird about this. All my friends now talk about having sex with their partners and I just feel really uncomfortable about. It also makes relationships at this age scary, but I've heard there are guys out there who don't rely so much on sex. I guess it's just a matter of finding the right person

Also in relation to you- I have also never masturbated, because no interest, and haven't had a sex dream about a lover either.

So yeah, that's my experience of asexuality. If you find relation to that, maybe you fall into the same category. If you want to find out more about asexuality, I surprisingly learned a lot from Tumblr blogs, through anonymous Q&A's. In a nutshell, asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction. And to me, that's a totally okay thing.
   
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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 15th 2015, 11:35 PM

I'd encourage you to just see how things go-- unless it bothers you that you're not craving sex, why not just let things play out?


   
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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 16th 2015, 07:11 AM

Hi there,
I completely relate to what you are saying. Im a 20 year old female and I am the exact same way. I dabbled with the thought that I may be asexual, but it just doesn't feel right because I do want physical closeness (like light kissing or cuddles, ect) just without taking off clothes. I didn't even know that this behavior was uncommon until I was around 17, but im not ashamed of it. I think that feeling like this is perfectly normal and okay if it is how you truly feel. I really love my fiancé because he understands that I have a less than average sex drive and he is okay with that.
For your situation, I think you should research asexuality. It really is very common, but not very well known. I would also just take time. Sometimes those feelings don't kick in until like the mid 20's! In the mean time, have you tried experimenting to see if anything does speak to you? maybe look at different pictures of different genders and body types. Sometimes the problem is that you just haven't branched out to find what you really like yet. But above all, know that as long as you are being honest and true with yourself, anything that you feel is completely "normal". don't let society make you think that you are not fitting in with the stereotype of "normal" just because you dont masturbate and think of sex every ten minutes.
Hope this helped
   
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Re: Is this normal for a 19 year old? - February 20th 2015, 04:54 AM

Let it be, if it doesn't bother you that much, just be how you wanna be.
   
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