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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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Arion Offline
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Rules around sexuality? Wanting to get sexual? - May 22nd 2015, 03:04 AM

So I've been having the sexual feelings for years but I guess I would like to start being sexual. Not NOW cause I know I'm not emotionally ready yet. But I'd at least like more information for when I do. I've researched methods of birth control and safe ways to do things, sexual illnesses and more. However sometimes teachers say it's illegal to have sex before 17 (in my state) but I don't see what's wrong with wanting to be satisfied. Plus I'm a girl so I'll be put on more by society ( that's why I rather wait till later on in highschool). But.... Although I've thought it out I'm not sure how to go about it. And I much rather keep it private cause I like my business to be my business. But it seems like I can't do anything without a parent or worrying. Any advice or a person to talk to about it when a question that Google can't solve comes up?
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Re: Rules around sexuality? Wanting to get sexual? - May 22nd 2015, 05:35 AM

Hey there Unfortunately I can't really help you out that much in this case, as I have not had a sexual encounter before, nor do I know anything about the laws when it comes to sex. It's normal to feel that way when you get into your teens, and it's already a good thing that you realize that it's nothing to be ashamed of -- when I started having sexual thoughts, I felt gross and weird and try to repress those feelings, which is not the way to go. I think the best thing is just not to rush into it, and to wait for someone who you are comfortable with and who you can trust (not necessarily someone who you are dating). I have already tried to imagine the scene many times before, wondered how to get past the awkwardness of "Here's a condom. Oh, and by the way I'm a virgin." and I have simply come to the conclsion that you should only have sex with someone if you are comfortable talking about sex with them. Otherwise, it will be extremely awkward and... yeah.

I know this is very basic advice, but that's all I got, plus it happens to be true (I imagine). Also, don't expect your first time to go well. I know that for many women, sex can be really painful, especially if you are inexperienced. So expect it to hurt, and if it does, ask your partner to slow down a bit, tell him that it's painful.

So yeah. I would say: while you're waiting, learn as much as you can, ask people about their experiences, and when the time comes, accept that what will be shall be, along with all the awkwardness and fumbling.

Anyway, good luck! Don't fret about it too much, though remember that it's a completely natural thing that you were made to do.


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Re: Rules around sexuality? Wanting to get sexual? - May 22nd 2015, 01:26 PM

well im no expert lol but may be able to help in some spots and good for you for knowing your not ready and wanting to wait thats good i when i started with this stuff i was NOT ready and well thats history but any time you have a question feel free to PM me and for it being illegal if you are under the consent age then it is and i know it sounds stooped but its there to try and protect you but i know a lot of people don't listen like me and do it any way just make sure that who ever you do these things with that you parents are ok with other wise it will turn in to something no one wants to be in so im not saying just go for it im trying to say it will be better to wait till your at the legal consent age
   
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Re: Rules around sexuality? Wanting to get sexual? - May 22nd 2015, 05:27 PM

Hey there

First things first is to double check the legal age of consent for your State/country. While it may seem arbitrary, you do not want to get yourself, or your partner in legal trouble while having some fun.

There is a Sticky thread Here about the age of consent in various locations.

While you CAN engage in sex before that age, it can become a legal landmine.

Also, and I am really glad you brought this up, you should wait until you are EMOTIONALLY ready for sex. It is a big thing to do. So do not feel pressured or rushed into it. Rule of thumb is "If you have to ask, then you are probably not ready." There should be no doubt in your mind, body, and heart that you are READY for sex!

You are already researching birth control and STI protection. That is GREAT. Ask your doctor about starting a hormonal birth control method, if you haven't already. It is very common for girls to start birth control well before they have sex, for numerous reasons. Also, if you are having sex, be sure to use a condom as they can prevent about 99% of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy... if used correctly. Luckily, there are simple (non explicit) videos online showing how to use them, and the boxes have instructions printed on the inside as well.

Another good practice is to be open and honest about your sexual history with your partner WELL before clothes come off. This includes any STI risk, preferences, number of past partners, etc. It is best to have these conversations in a private, non interrupted, but totally non sexualitized context. This will clear the air between you two, so everyone knows what is going on and what to expect. It also makes you feel more at ease with them.

Hope this helps! Have a good day and safe sex!


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Re: Rules around sexuality? Wanting to get sexual? - May 22nd 2015, 11:33 PM

Hey there,

It's good that you know you're not ready for sex right now, not many people would honestly admit that. It's a good thing you can recognise this. If you have questions about sex then you can always ask here! Or if you would like it to be more of a private conversation then you could ask on LiveHelp or on HelpLINK. It's good that when you are ready for sex you have thought it through and you have looked into everything for yourself. Definitely check the age of consent in your area, it's not worth getting into trouble!

Paige


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