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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
RadioSerenade Offline
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Accepting Sexuality. - August 18th 2015, 04:18 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I want to begin by warning you, ladies and gentlemen, that what follows is contemplation and a question, but content that is significantly triggering for the subject of death and grieving. If that is something that will trouble you, to some degree, then I encourage you to proceed with caution or simply click away. I hope it will not come to that but that may be a consideration.

I was cruising around, and I saw this case, they were mentioning this woman on the news. A sixteen-year-old woman has been reported missing after reportedly paying a much older man for sex and leaving her boyfriend to do so. She was twenty weeks pregnant at the time. Police have launched an investigation and a nationwide search, believing she has been murdered. The problem is, in this case, the national broadcaster, the ABC, posted the full details of her case in their stories.

∑ Her full name.
∑ Her pregnancy.
∑ Her age.
∑ The full circumstances.

They posted everything. Now let me make this clear, the age of consent in Australia is sixteen and so they were in full liberty to post those details. To be fair to them, those details may be necessary to help with the search and warn other people. However, something about the reporting and the perception of the case was very troubling to me on a personal level. The photograph they chose was very natural, very innocent and almost cherubic. The details of those final movements and the nature of her life at that stage just completely rocked the perception I had of her.

There are some things you don't need to know about someone. She was beautiful and I am sure she had so much ahead of her, but hearing those details, of someone's sexuality just gives you an image that you don't want in your perception of them.

The same issues apply with public figures. Hayley Williams, for example, people point out that she is a highly sexually attractive woman and she certainly is, but I just haven't seen her that way and I get uncomfortable when people point that out, because it was the voice I connected with. The voice I fell in love with, and I don't want that to be changed. Everyone has sexuality, almost everyone I know has likely had sex, but I just don't want to think about it and accept sexuality, because it is so... against how I perceive certain people.

I know I am going to do this as well, when I have a female friend with a boyfriend as well. I am not going to perceive her in a sexual way but in the back of my mind, I am going to have to grapple with the fact that, in fact, she does have sexuality, everyone does.

However, I ask this question of accepting sexuality. Has anyone else has these sorts of conflicts? When TeenHelp was down, I posted this to my friend on Facebook, a very close friend, who happened to be openly asexual. I explicitly stated that I wanted to get her clarification on the definition of asexuality and whether that applies to me, to some degree, so perhaps that is another vein and I encourage you to take it. I wrote this in another thread surrounding attraction. I said that when I see a beautiful girl, I get this flutter of the heart, a rise in the chest. It is not a sexual perception; I just donít see people that way.

Sexuality is a part of everyone, it is some part of me, but how do I accept that and grapple with the conflict?

EDIT: I guess the contention I have with sex is that it is such a raw and confronting action. When you have sex, you are exposing yourself to that person, sharing yourself with that person and I suppose the requirement of caution when enacting sexuality translates to an uncomfortability when discussing or thinking about it. I suppose I have heard too many stories of people who have had sexual relationships with someone, only to be life-changingly fucked over (bad choice of word), after the relationship has dissolved. I just don't want someone I care about to be hurt like that and that, again, translates to a repulsion to the perception of that sexuality within people.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Melancholia. Offline
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Re: Accepting Sexuality. - August 18th 2015, 10:50 AM

Well, I think that for the most part, we don't necessarily think about the fact that someone has had sex or has been sexual. While some people are very comfortable talking about their sex lives, in many instances it is still considered "taboo" or people find that it is too personal to talk about. Therefore you may not necessarily find yourself thinking or talking about sex that much, and when you realize that someone is sexually active, it can be like, "Oh hey, they've had sex." I mean, you don't go walking around thinking of people as sex objects, so it's natural that you don't perceive people just by sex and sexuality.

You are right that sex is an intimate act and it does make you a bit more vulnerable sometimes. You are right that the stories you have heard can make you hesitant or uncomfortable around sex, because you associate sex and sexuality with the people getting hurt.

You may not want someone to get hurt like that again, but the thing is, people do have to learn. They have to learn that a person is not right for them, or that maybe they weren't ready for sex just yet, or a ton of other things. You learn and grow from these experiences, and come out stronger. You definitely can be a support system though!

I know this probably wasn't that much help, but you're not a bad person for thinking this way and I can understand why, but sex is natural. It's okay to have sex, or to not have sex. It's okay to love sex or be repulsed by it. It's okay to learn and grow and be strong. It's natural to not necessarily think about people having sex, since they're people, not sex toys.

Maybe someone else can come and give more advice as well.


Let it come and let it be...

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