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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Sexually irresponsible - February 1st 2017, 10:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

What would you say is an acceptable amount of sexual partners to have at 15 years old?

The reason I ask is because I've just had an argument with my mum about the amount of girls I've had sex with. Today she has come home whilst me and a girl from school were upstairs in my room having sex. I got a knock on the bedroom door and my mum asked to have a word with me when the girl I was with went home.

Afterwards my mum became angry and said that I was being irresponsible and that I shouldn't be having sex with so many people. I've only had sex with 6 girls within the last 12 months. She thinks that im a sex addict as I usually have sex between 3 - 5 times a week.

I've always been honest and open with my parents about sex. I always use protection and don't feel that I'm being irresponsible at all. I don't think I'm a sex addict either.

What are you're thoughts? Do you think I'm being irresponsible?


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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 1st 2017, 10:29 PM

Are you getting tested between every new partner? And do you ask that your partners be tested as well? Just using protection is not enough, you need to be getting checked between partners as condoms do not protect you from every transmittable disease. They help reduce the likelihood, but they are not 100% effective.

Condoms are not also 100% effective against pregnancy, in fact its more like 80% effective. Do you talk to all of your partners about what would happen if they were to get pregnant? How would you support them, do you have a stable income? You need to be prepared to be able to take care of any children you may father. And while they may say that if they ever get pregnant they will just have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, they really have no idea how they will feel until they get pregnant. And if they keep the baby you will still be responsible for that child.

Do you inform your partners on how many partners you have had in the past and how many you currently have? Do you have open and honest relationships with them? Making sure they are fully aware of your sexual history is important. Not only for them physically, so that they can go get tested themselves, but also an emotional honesty is important.




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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 02:32 AM

No matter what age you are, there is no such thing has having too few or too many sex partners. The question isn't about numbers. The number of sex partners one has does not correlate to their ability to have positive, fulfilling, and relatively "safe" sexual experiences. It also does not reflect on them as a person or their character. Unfortunately society often uses sex to shame people, especially women, when it comes to having had multiple sex partners, especially at a young age. This is wrong and it's important to recognize that.

Lizzie raises some great points, though. It's not enough to just use a condom and assume everything will be okay. I'm glad you use condoms because they are the only thing that reduces the risk of transmitting STIs, but you can still get STIs even if you have used a condom every time. It's important to get tested regularly. Between each partner is preferable, but it that's not something you can feasibly do at least try and get tested once a year at your annual physical. You need to be asking your partners about their STI status before intercourse. If they don't know their status it's up to you whether or not you still want to have sex but keep in mind you can't be as certain as to whether or not you could contract an STI from the encounter. You also can't inform your other partners correctly as to your status.

You do need to have a contingency plan in case one of your partners get pregnant. Ultimately it's their decision what to do in case of a pregnancy and you need to be ready to support that child should they decide to keep the baby. I would suggest asking your partners what type of contraceptives they use other than condoms. It's preferable that they be using another contraceptive, such as the pill or the shot, in addition to condoms, as condoms effectiveness rate at preventing pregnancy isn't as good as other methods.

Lastly, it's important that these girls know you are not monogamous with them. They need to know if you're having sex with other people. It's important not to mislead them into thinking they're the only one you're with. I recommend having open and honest talks about sex with everyone you're sleeping with. It's common courtesy to inform your partners if you're sexually active with others.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need anything else.



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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 01:41 PM

Thanks for the advice. I had an STI check last year which came back all clear. We do discuss contraception before hand, even if it's a quick comment on wether she's on the pill or if I'm using a condom. As for being monogamous. Some were just one night stands, but most were because we were in a relationship at the time. As I said I e always been open with my parents about this and have made sure that I'm careful not to get anyone pregnant or catch anything.


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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 03:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SirJordan View Post
Thanks for the advice. I had an STI check last year which came back all clear. We do discuss contraception before hand, even if it's a quick comment on wether she's on the pill or if I'm using a condom. As for being monogamous. Some were just one night stands, but most were because we were in a relationship at the time. As I said I e always been open with my parents about this and have made sure that I'm careful not to get anyone pregnant or catch anything.
The problem is, you can't be 100% sure you wont catch something and that you won't get someone pregnant. So you need to be having these conversations with women before you are in the moment. Having these serious conversations and getting tested between partners is apart of having a responsible sex life. Being open with your parents is important. But being open with the women you are having sex with is more important. You want to be able to have the peace of mind to say that you have been tested since your last partner. And she deserves to have sex with someone who has been tested since their last partner. As you would want the same from her. If she caught something from the last guy she was with, you would want to know before you had sex with her. Because remember, some diseases are curable and some you will have for the rest of your life.

Have you thought about how you would support a child if you were to conceive on? How would you pay for their food, their clothes, the diapers. Typically the delivery, with insurance is several thousand dollars. And that is just to bring the baby into world. That doesn't cover things like a crib or any child care you would need to help contribute to. Also remember, if you get another teenager pregnant she will struggle to get her school work finished, it will impact her life in different ways that it will impact yours. How will you support her emotionally and with her school work load? How will you manage to fit a job into your current schedule? These are all very serious things to consider because anytime you have vaginal sex you have the chance to make a human being. And that will change your life and her life forever.

And if you think to yourself "I don't want there to be any chance that I get this girl pregnant" then perhaps avoiding vaginal sex is your best option. There are other ways to achieve and orgasm that does not involve vaginal sex. But keep in mind, these other options still put you at risk for catching a transmittable disease, so always using a condom when having oral or anal sex.




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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 04:23 PM

I get your point and I'm aware of the other alternatives to vaginal sex but I'm not going to let this risk of pregnancy completely stop me from having sex. if it happens then I'll deal with the situation in front of me. I'm not some douche bag who walks away from their child.


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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 04:34 PM

I am not trying to just make a point, I really want you to seriously think about all of those questions. The "I'll deal with it when it happens" attitude will not be helpful if it actually happens. These are things you need to think about for yourself before sex and to talk about with your partner before sex. That is a part of being sexually responsible.

As a woman who got pregnant on the pill, I know first hand that these things happen.

I don't think you would walk away from your child, which is why talking about these things is crucial.




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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 2nd 2017, 08:59 PM

I do understand what you're saying and I'll take it onboard.


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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 3rd 2017, 10:43 PM

It's understandable for your mother to worry about you-you still live in her household, you're her son, and she simply doesn't want you to get hurt or impact your life negatively. But to answer your question directly, no, I don't think you're being irresponsible. I think Lizzie and Jordan bring up amazing points for things to keep in mind about making the decision to have sex. Sex is a risk decision. We make risk decisions every day from getting into a car, jaywalking, what we eat, etc. Most choices we make have risk associated with them. You need to be aware of the risks you make by having sex, minimize those risks, and realize the only way to eliminate the risk all together is not to engage in the activity. But you seem to be doing your best to make the best decisions while having sex, and that you are aware of the risks. You have the information available to make decisions, and you are old enough to make those choices. My recommendations would be:

1. Get tested for sexually transmitted infections between each partner you have. Many places have low-cost/free testing.
2. Continue using condoms regularly, and communicate with your partners about birth control. Realize that because you're not the one taking the pill or can't "see" their IUD, there is a chance they are using it irregularly or not on one at all, which is why it's especially important that you use a condom. Then, realize condoms and BC are not 100% effective, but used combined can be great at preventing pregnancy and minimizing risk for infection.
3. Communicate with each partner about their STI status and what your decision process would be if pregnancy were to occur and how you can take steps to avoid it. Communication is key to be able to know where you stand on issues and the actions you will take to have the best outcomes for you and your partner. It's really important to make sure you're on the same page, and it takes a conversation. It doesn't have to be long or awkward, but it's important to have it.

Like I said, I don't think you're being irresponsible, and even by coming here and asking I think you obviously care about your own health and your partners. I might suggest to you to minimize exposures or risk of pregnancy by more frequently engaging in lower risk sexual activity, or not as frequently or with as many partners. But I think you're doing your best and are very mature about your decision making. Last, you may want to consider communicating to your mom about her comfort level with you having sex in the house. I know when I was your age I would have never done that because my parents would have felt disrespected by the action. It is her house as well, so maybe consider going elsewhere if it's something that bothers her.


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Re: Sexually irresponsible - February 3rd 2017, 11:16 PM

Thanks for your advice. I agree with you when you say sex is a risk decision but like you said, we take risks everyday.

I've spoken to my parents before about having sex in the house and usually they are fine about it. I try to arrange it for when they aren't home, however there have been a few times where they've walked in unexpectedly and given us all a shock. I honestly thought that she was supposed to be at work. Obviously she wasn't but I do think she overreacted a bit on this occasion.


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