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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Superwoman_ Offline
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Guy asking for nudes? - March 12th 2017, 01:13 PM

There's a dude I talk to that wanted nudes and I told him I didn't want to send him nudes but he keeps asking. I don't like dudes either but he said if I was in the same place as him (he lives like an hour away) he would want to have sex with me, however he wouldn't force me or anything. But. This guy is also my best friend and when I say he keeps asking, I mean he's asked like 4 times. We've known each other for ages so I don't think it's weird but he always seems to find it gross after he's asked and then feels really bad about asking. I always tell him it isn't that bad but he doesn't listen. Am I just downplaying how bad it is even though it isn't that often? Or is it actually not that bad and he thinks its a lot worse than it is?
   
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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 12th 2017, 03:17 PM

Hey there

Try asking yourself this: Are you uncomfortable with him asking, or is it just annoying? I would honestly keep making it clear that you're not going to be sending him nudes, but that you'd still like to be his friend and just that. If he continues to ask, perhaps you can simply not respond. You can always start up a conversation later, and then simply end it if he brings up nudes again.

The most important thing is to be honest and consistent with your answers every time, that way there is no room for confusion.You mention him feeling bad about asking, do you really feel like it's not that bad? It might take you being brutally honest for the point to get across.

But overall, being honest with him and yourself is the best. Don't be afraid to temporarily cut communication if you feel uncomfortable, and he doesn't ease up on asking.

Hopefully this helped a bit!


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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 12th 2017, 04:19 PM

Ashleigh Asking for nude or part nude pix is a big NO NO, And if us that goo a friend he would not be asking you to do that, If he feels bad about asking you that's only to make you feel sorry for him. You would be better off without him. as he is putting you under pressure and you need that, DON'T GIVE IN TO HIM.
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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 12th 2017, 05:56 PM

I agree with both of the people who've responded so far.

I think you need to be really clear and consistent with why you don't want to give the nudes. It doesn't matter if you can trust him or whatever in "normal" situations, letting someone have nudes demonstrates an above and beyond level of trust that he's not giving you right now. It just seems like he is sexualizing you and wants sex etc. - even if he's also a good friend, the element where he wants sex without any other elements is the part that I wouldn't trust if I were you just because that's such a fleeting thing and what happens when he moves on? Can you trust him with this pictures at that point? What about right now - how do you know he won't go and how the pictures to all of his friends about the "hot girl he's snagged". Lots of men can be trusted with nudes, but it sounds like this guy hasn't given you to have that trust in him yet. Obviously I could be way off base, but even if I am wrong or even a little bit right, you have your reasons for not wanting to do it.

If it comes up agian, you can simply tell him "no, I am not giving you nudes, I am not interested in taking or sharing those kinds of pictures and I won't change my mind so please stop asking" If he needs fluff material, he can go online and get pictures, simple as that. Until he earns your trust on that level (which will probably never happen at the rate he is going), he doesn't deserve your consideration in nude pictures.

I also agree with Angela that his guilt or feeling bad is likely a part of your saying no. It's not fair for him to put that on you because he's the one asking you to put yourself in a compromising situation and there isn't much in return for you that I can tell, besides (maybe) having warm fuzzy feelings that a guy thinks your sexy (and will that really make you feel great while he's doing god only knows what with your pictures? - that would probably be a bigger cause of anxiety than the warm fuzzy feels)

Plus, I am not sure how old you are, but you should be aware of the fact that if your not legally an adult, you'd be distributing child porn with those images, and he'd be in possession of it, which is a huge legal issue that you dont' want to be a part of.




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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 12th 2017, 10:02 PM

Thank you for the responses.

Him asking is more annoying than uncomfortable, and it isn't even that annoying honestly. It takes a lot to annoy me, and I have reached the point with him where him asking isn't uncomfortable I just wouldn't send him any. I definitely don't find it that bad, he knows he won't get them and he doesn't ask that often for it to be bad.

He does not feel bad just to make me feel sorry for him, he is not that kind of person. He feels bad because he thinks it's a super bad thing to do and I tell him consistently that no he won't get them, but also no it isn't that bad just to be asking. Angela, I would not be better off without him. He is not just there to ask, we also talk about a lot of other stuff and he is absolutely amazing. He asked about 4 times, in the time we've known each other that isn't many.

It wouldn't be pictures that he would keep, he did say if I did ever send any he wouldn't keep them as it would just be over snapchat, and he is not a person to lie. It's in our friendship rules that we have to be honest.

I'm not saying any of you are wrong obviously, I'm just asking for further clarification.
   
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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 13th 2017, 01:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Superwoman_ View Post
Thank you for the responses.

Him asking is more annoying than uncomfortable, and it isn't even that annoying honestly. It takes a lot to annoy me, and I have reached the point with him where him asking isn't uncomfortable I just wouldn't send him any. I definitely don't find it that bad, he knows he won't get them and he doesn't ask that often for it to be bad.

He does not feel bad just to make me feel sorry for him, he is not that kind of person. He feels bad because he thinks it's a super bad thing to do and I tell him consistently that no he won't get them, but also no it isn't that bad just to be asking. Angela, I would not be better off without him. He is not just there to ask, we also talk about a lot of other stuff and he is absolutely amazing. He asked about 4 times, in the time we've known each other that isn't many.

It wouldn't be pictures that he would keep, he did say if I did ever send any he wouldn't keep them as it would just be over snapchat, and he is not a person to lie. It's in our friendship rules that we have to be honest.

I'm not saying any of you are wrong obviously, I'm just asking for further clarification.
So then, I guess I'm confused on what you're actually asking? If you're not bothered by it, and he knows your stance on it, all you can do is keep being consistent.


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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 13th 2017, 06:18 AM

I'm asking if he should feel bad about asking, and if I'm just thinking it's not as bad as it is. Should he feel bad about asking?
   
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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 13th 2017, 07:08 AM

Sounds like he's just a typical guy.

I'm wary if sending nudes would change the friendship, and maybe make it awkward.

He can get nude photos anywhere. The internet is full of them!

You could take this opportunity to have a deeper meaningful listen with him. How's his life going? How are his relationships going? What does he miss in a relationship? How have his relationships been in the past? What does he think about?

I'm guessing he's either a playboy with lots of women following him around, or he's a lonely guy who's not sure how to go about creating relationships with women. (Or, there's probably a third possibility, and both of these possibilities are wrong.)

Whether or not it's right/wrong to ask for nudes probably isn't the point; however, it could be the entry point to a deep and meaningful conversation about life that could be very rewarding.

Best wishes!
   
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Re: Guy asking for nudes? - March 13th 2017, 08:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Superwoman_ View Post
I'm asking if he should feel bad about asking, and if I'm just thinking it's not as bad as it is. Should he feel bad about asking?
Everyone will have a different opinion on this, what matters most is what yours is. If you are under age 18, I would say it is inappropriate, and it is also illegal. I had guy friends asking me for pictures when I was in high school, but I never sent them any. To me, that was crossing a boundary in a friendship. If you don't feel comfortable sending him photos, tell him and make it very clear and kindly ask him to stop asking you. He can easily find pictures of naked women online, he doesn't need to see your body specifically, and it could potentially make things awkward between you two.


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