This is about sex and about relationships so idk if it's right here...
Okay so I'm really stressed right now. I ended up sexting with this guy that lives near me and goes to my school. I don't care about that. A hook up every now and then is fine, and I don't plan on actually having sex with him. If anything we'd just kiss, but after weeks of flirting a couple days ago we decided to send pics. They were sent on snapchat and weren't saved and I didn't put my face in. This isn't even about that though, it's that he just stopped talking to me after that. I'm scared that I was used. I regret this so much. If this was just friends and benefits like we talked about, it would be totally fine, but he just dropped off the face of the earth! I'm just feeling so exposed right now and so embarrassed and I'm going to have to see him tomorrow in person and I'm scared.
Update: So he began to talk to me again yesterday, so I'm hoping he was just busy. Since then we've made a list of 'rules' since we go to the same boarding school and as I write this, he is two dorms down the road from me. The rules are about not sending pics and not hooking up until we spend more time together and get more comfortable with each other. This was all his idea which was very impressive to me. We talked for a couple weeks before and we're still talking. It's like it was this thing that happened and it was weird and we're moving on. I kinda poured my heart out to him yesterday because I said I was so anxious to see him because I'm scared I've messed everything up, and he was very sweet and said I'll never mess anything up, and that he is nervous too. I don't know why, but I'm starting to get feelings for this guy (as weird as the beginning of our relationship may be). He was busy for a few hours after school at sports and I realized how much I miss our chatter throughout the day that we've had for a few weeks now. And then I saw him at the dining hall and his face just lit up when he saw me, and I even got butterflies...
My friends and I have no idea what he wants. On one hand, he's telling me to send him selfies (of just my face) because he loves seeing me, and he tells me he loves staying up talking to me at night, but again, I do know guys can play around with making you feel like they care about you when all they really want is a sexual relationship and nothing else. I wish I just knew what was going on in his head! He is always telling me we need to hang out, so I asked him to hang out on Friday and he said maybe. Maybe he just gets cold feet? I'd love to be able to hang out with him and get to know him better, because even though all these crazy things have happened, I know he's a real person. He even told me he'd never ever made or pressure me into something I didn't feel 100% about, which makes me feel he looks at me more of a friend who he may want something more with than a friends with benefits sorta thing...
Idk... this is just an update. Thank you for your responses. They mean a lot.
Last edited by OhMyLorde; March 23rd 2017 at 03:21 AM.
Re: Sexting and now... -
March 21st 2017, 12:34 AM
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I've been through this situation a couple times, so you're not alone. The only difference was mine were saved as snapchat wasn't an app back when I was a teen.
How long has it been since this happened? Is it possible that they have become very busy and just hasn't had enough time to talk to you? Is it possible that they could have gotten into a new relationship since then? I know a lot of girls are over protective and don't want their men texting other females.
What I do recommend is that you should stop sending nudes to other people. Once you send a picture to someone, it's out of your control. Thankfully with snapchat it tells you when someone takes a screenshot/saves your picture, but you never know if they were going to. I don't want what happened to me, happening to you since I wasn't able to use snapchat.
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Re: Sexting and now... -
March 22nd 2017, 04:05 AM
I went through a similar situation with a coworker a couple months ago. The best thing you can do is stop sending nude pictures like Brittany said, and that includes him and any other person. Also, as hard as it can be, but just forget him. The moment he stopped talking to you after you gave him what he wanted was the moment he made it seem like that's all you're good for which is WRONG. He is not the person you should be pursuing relationships like this with and I don't advise doing the same thing with another person, especially considering you're underage and it's easy for this images to get into the wrong hands.
If you need anything else, feel free to PM me! Best of luck
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Re: Sexting and now... -
March 22nd 2017, 06:25 PM
I am really sorry this happened to you.
One thing you have to remember while sexting is that, it could lead to sending pictures and sometimes that is all people want and they will either ask you for more and more with out less clothing each time or they get what they want and move on. You always taking a risk when you engage in sexting.
Another thing is you are 16 years old I have no clue how old the guy is but that is considered kiddy porn and if either you or him are in possession of it that is a felony. I would be really careful about taking pictures. I know you said they don't have your face in them. even without the face in them people can figure out who it is by birthmarks and scars and stuff. I know you think snap chat is safe because it deletes the pictures, but I heard that the server actually saves all the pictures.
How long ago since you sent the pictures? Depending on how long ago the pictures where sent maybe he hasn't seen them yet and is busy. You know how it is thing come up every now and then.
If he has seen the pictures and is really ignoring you know, that is a shitty thing to do on his part. If I was you I would tell myself that it happened and learn from it.
I don't know if this was much help but I hope it was.
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Re: Sexting and now... -
March 25th 2017, 06:16 PM
Hey so, I'm not trying to talk down to you or anything, as I feel like you're trying to approach this staying smart and mature. However, I do need to point out that even though Snapchat alerts you when a picture is screenshotted, there are also 3rd party apps people can use to save a photo you send without you getting any alert about it. Even I use a screen recorder app sometimes, but there is also a modded version of Snapchat where the save button is right there on the picture. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, because most people don't even know about modded Snapchat or where to safely get it, but just be aware that these things do exist.
Even without those apps, there are many rumors that anything you send on Snapchat doesn't actually disappear, and gets sent to somewhere else.
In addition to that, you are 16 years old and the age of consent in Virginia is 18. Therefore, any nude pictures you send (and depending on the age of the guy, any he sends to you) are considering child porn and you can be prosecuted for distribution and possession of it, even if they are yours. It's stupid, I know.
Please don't feel like I'm wagging my finger at you in any way, because I sent nudes as a minor as well. I do regret it now, and while I still send those types of pictures, now that I'm an adult, I do wish I had waited until it was legal. It's scary to look back on how many people have naked pictures of me as a minor.
As for the guy, it's awesome that, even though this set-up is "friends with benefits", he still wants to chill out for awhile and have you two get to know each other. I hope you know how great that is, because guys like that are so rare I was under the impression they didn't exist.
I'd say just go with the flow, and don't try to force anything, because you really don't know what he wants. I understand it's difficult, but please try not to get too emotionally invested when you still don't know what he's really after. Like you said, guys will play games, and that could be all that this is.
I do have to say that he seems really nice, and I hope that's genuine. Just guard your heart and talk to him about this! When the time is right, try to find a time where you can openly discuss your concerns about him not wanting to hang out and what both of you actually are hoping to gain from this.
A conversation like that might sound awkward, and it is at first, because it needs to be an initiated conversation. However, these types of conversations are important in ANY relationship, in order to keep communication open and positive and to free each other of any future accidental heartbreak or misunderstandings. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. (Actually recently, I was about to cut off my fwb, because he would tell me we were just fwb's, but then would get irrationally jealous and upset whenever I was talking to some other guy. A serious conversation about how we both felt cleared all of this up and we now have a very positive friendship along with very respected benefits. )
I wish you the best of luck with this and keep us updated! We are here to help you no matter how this situation plays out.
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i would never send nudes on the internet because of scamming that occurs. i tell my friends if they want see me naked i will strip for them in private. my current boyfriend makes me strip and sit on his lap at his gang club house but will not let any gang members take photos of me naked
I'm sorry that he left you stranded in a compromised feeling situation. You took a risk and the reaction, even if he meant no harm by it (e.g. he was merely busy) left you feeling all these negative feelings.
I can skip the chat about taking nude pictures. We all know the risks, and frankly, people do it all the time, so just, you know, be smart and know that even if the guy is your literal husband, you never know how that might go wrong, but given how many people share nudes and never have anything go wrong, I don't want to be the one to say that it's the worst idea ever, just be mindful and don't do it cause the guy wants it.
I think it's great he's trying to establish boundaries and I hope things go well. His effort does seem to indicate he cares and is willing to build a foundation of trust. Just keep working on it and know when you might need to say "relationship or I'm out"
Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions