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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CanadaCraig Offline
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How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - April 28th 2017, 04:14 PM

Hello!

I hope you're feeling groovy!

So.... you're dating someone. Someone you might like to have sex with. How long should you [both] wait?

I say... SIX MONTHS! [At least] Some people will say that's ridiculous. But as someone who often counsels people.... if a couple has a solid FRIENDSHIP first... then sex becomes an expression of the love they have for each other. [In a way no 'couple' could EVER know about if they have sex on the 3rd date - or whatever] REMEMBER... not too long ago... people didn't have sex until AFTER they were married.

What do YOU think?

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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - April 28th 2017, 04:33 PM

I don't think that there is a solid amount of time that someone should wait until they have sex. I just think that they should feel physically and mentally ready, and be able to communicate with their partner about crucial topics such as using protection, sexually transmitted infections, and what will happen if something goes wrong.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - April 28th 2017, 06:49 PM

While I agree with Dez, I feel there should be a somewhat deep level of trust before you indulge in something like sex. There is always the possibility that your new S.O. may have some sort of other motive in mind for engaging with you in such a way.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - April 28th 2017, 08:59 PM

I don't think there's a set time frame for waiting to have sex. Personally, I base it on how comfortable I am with the person. I've had some relationships where we had sex a few weeks to a month in and I've had some where we've waited almost a year. The biggest thing is just that both people feel ready to take that step.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - April 28th 2017, 09:39 PM

I don't think there's a set amount of time someone should wait to have sex. Whether they want to have sex the first night they meet or whether they want to wait until marriage is up to the people involved. It's all about what you and your partner are personally comfortable with. I think the best thing someone can do is inform themselves about sexual safety practices, determine their personal values, and be able to hold boundaries well when it comes to relationships and, especially, sexual situations.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 9th 2017, 12:18 AM

I think it's really nice to see all the different persepectives on this issue because it used to be such a point of controversy in relationships. I agree with most of the interviewed people that there are no rules and it's really just about being on the same page as the other person.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 9th 2017, 03:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by L_Escudero View Post
I think it's really nice to see all the different persepectives on this issue because it used to be such a point of controversy in relationships. I agree with most of the interviewed people that there are no rules and it's really just about being on the same page as the other person.
The problem is... hormones have a way of making people THINK that they're 'on the same page'.

For that reason... I still say 6 months minimum - no matter how they feel.

Craig
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 10th 2017, 07:25 PM

I was 16 and had been in the relationship for 6 months and I thought I was ready but looking back now I wish I would have waited. Personally, I think couples should wait longer than 6 months even up to a year and be at least 18 but I know realistically that hardly ever happens and I'm not one to judge those. I just think it's more appropriate to wait until 18 and be in a relationship for at least a year because you have more maturity and understanding at 18+ than if you're 14, 15, 16 years old.




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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 10th 2017, 07:29 PM

I'm a bit old-fashioned but not super conservative... I think you should wait until you are at least engaged or have plans of getting engaged before you have sex. When you are planning on buying a ring for your significant other, you are in it for the long haul. Enough time has passed between the two people involved, they are committed to the relationship, so there is no reason why they shouldn't have sex.

Also, like Fallon said, waiting until you are at least eighteen is the best thing to do. Especially if you don't want to wait long enough to know you want to marry your significant other. Sex is a big deal in my opinion, even though I have absolutely no desire to ever have sex.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 11th 2017, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadaCraig View Post
For that reason... I still say 6 months minimum - no matter how they feel.
The problem with this is that six months seems like an entirely arbitrary amount of time. It also doesn't take into account the fact that relationships progress at different speeds, especially when you compare teenage relationships with ones where the couple is older. A six month relationship between, say, two seventeen year olds who both live at home and have to follow their guardians' rules is going to be different than a relationship between two twenty two year olds who are independent and fully in charge of their own lives. The teenagers are likely not going to be as mature or have as much contact with each other as the older couple, so it doesn't really make sense to have a blanket rule of ''six months+'' for both instances.

I definitely think that the decision should be made based on whether the people involved in it are ready. For some people, yes, that might mean they have to wait six months or a year or even longer until they feel comfortable enough, but for others that might mean that they have sex a lot sooner because both parties are in favour of it. The important part isn't how long they've been dating but rather how well the couple communicates. If they're not ready to talk about things like protection and what kind of relationship this is going to be (if any), then waiting six months isn't going to matter at all. Open, honest communication is a pretty good counter to the hormones that you mentioned - if both parties talk about where they stand and what they want out of the experience, then of course they're going to be on the same page (unless one or either of them are misinterpreting their own feelings or desires or something along those lines).

I also (and bear in mind this is just my opinion and I absolutely respect anyone who feels otherwise) don't think that sex always has to be about love or furthering a relationship anyway. As long as it's done in a safe, ethical way (e.g. don't cheat on your partner), I don't see a problem with people having sex just for fun. But that's an issue for another thread.




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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 11th 2017, 02:49 AM

I don't really like the idea of having a set time limit in a relationship before having sex. We all talk about how everyone is different and how we should let them be themselves. That being said, everyone perceives sex differently. I have had sex but fun fact, I have never been in a relationship for longer than six months. Ever. I don't associate sex with love. I have never been in love. Also, I don't think sex happens only between 'couples'. If people are comfortable with each other and want to have sex, I don't see why they shouldn't. As long as they are physically and mentally ready and are using protection and are careful, it's their choice after all.

Quote:
REMEMBER... not too long ago... people didn't have sex until AFTER they were married.
I don't like this reminder. It is not like we remind every woman who votes that not too long ago, women didn't have a right to vote and they should use their vote carefully. So, why remind people who want to have sex that not too long ago people waited for marriage before they had sex. It does not do to dwell in the past. (Might not be the best of comparisons but I couldn't think of anything else.)

I had avoided posting on this thread for a long time. This thread reminds me of the time when an ex-friend called me 'dirty' because I had sex with someone who I knew for around 2-ish weeks. I don't regret my decision so I don't see a problem with it.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 11th 2017, 03:26 AM

Personally, I think a person/couple are ready to have sex when both people can look at the decision and know that no matter what happens with the relationship they will not regret it.

I had sex with my boyfriend after knowing him for about three months. We talked every day. We talked quite a bit about protection and all that. And, he knew I needed to wait until I felt comfortable. One night we were fooling around and I knew that no matter what happened in our relationship...whether it lasted only a few short weeks or years....I would not regret the decision to have sex.

I think putting a time frame on it is ridiculous because as Chess said, relationships mature at different speeds.

EDIT: I would also like to add that for me, not regretting having sex was a really big thing because of the fact that my first encounter with sex was not consensual. As such, I wanted my first real time to be something I wouldn't hate myself for.

That's why I don't, personally, think there is a real good answer to this. Everyone has varying beliefs on the manner and I don't think anyone is wrong. My brother and his wife had sex the first night they met and they have been married for 6 or 7 years. To them, sex was a huge component to their relationship and they wouldn't have gotten far had they waited. For other people, waiting his necessary and the people wouldn't get far in the relationship if their wishes to wait a while had not been respected.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 11th 2017, 07:46 PM

I don't think having sex on the first date necessarily defines whether or not the relationship will be a failure or success. If you want to have sex on your first date, then go right ahead. But communicate! Set up safe words, know the boundaries, what you will and won't do, discuss at length if this is actually something you want to do. Like others have said, their first time having sex weren't consensual and that really throws the answer for this question in a vastly grey area. There is no straight-set answer, it isn't black and white. Do you have sex for the first time on your wedding night?

My OP was relevant to me and only me.

But for others, it may be the comfort level with the other person. You may have known them since childhood and the relationship never ventured into psuedo-familiarity... ie, it wouldn't be squicky if you two hooked up. They could be your best friend, but this is another reason it's important to communicate in case it all goes wrong or something unexpected happens. Or it could be something else beyond my comprehension.

I know there are one or two users on here who are in open relationships or polyamorous relationships. It always starts off as two, but then grow to three, four, or even more. In that instance, the question becomes irrelevant.

Like I said: vastly grey area.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 12th 2017, 12:34 PM

Me and my fiancé had sex on our third date I'm now expecting our second child together and we're getting married next year. I don't think you can put a time on anything it has to be when you're both ready whether it be a week down the line or two years xx


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 12th 2017, 09:16 PM

Wait until you feel its time. Dont rush yourself . Coz if you messed up. you can never undo things that you did.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 12th 2017, 09:41 PM

As others have said, that's a very personal decision. Not everyone views sex as something that's 'holy' or has a lot of significance in a relationship. Some people decide to have sex when they're not in a relationship. Some people wait until marriage. Some people decide to pay someone. Some people prefer to have a close relationship with the person they're having sex with and others prefer it to be casual. Regardless of how long someone waits, why they have sex, or if they have sex with someone they're currently in a committed relationship doesn't matter much. What matters is that it's consensual, ethical, they know the status of each person, any person participating takes measures to protect against STDs/unwanted pregnancies, and has a plan should their efforts in prevention fall through.

Sure, most people used to wait until after they were married to have sex. But frankly, sex isn't a 'sacred' act for the majority of people anymore. If the people who are engaging in sex are being responsible (with the aforementioned things) then who is anyone to tell someone else how long they should wait before having sex?

Edit: I also just want to add that not too long ago women couldn't vote, couldn't refuse to have sex with her husband (marital rape wasn't criminalized in all 50 states until 1993), couldn't have a legal abortion in most states, and could legally be fired from her job for being pregnant. So, it's not too meaningful to say people used to wait until marriage to have sex. Things have changed a great deal since those things were a reality not too long ago. And just look at the fact that depending on where one lives these things are still a problem to varying degrees. Some places worse off than others. It's not anyone's right besides the consenting individuals to decide when someone should have sex.


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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 13th 2017, 06:48 PM

I have my own personal views but for other people: I think they should wait until they are ready (whether that be the first few dates, x amount of months/years, or until marriage). As long as both people are consenting, of legal age in the area where they live, take precautions against STD's, are ready to raise a child if they get pregnant, then I don't think there is a set time and it's up to the individuals on when they are ready. It's not up for anyone to judge others on their decision when they have sex.

For me personally, I am waiting until marriage as that was how I was raised and matches what I believe in. I also want to make sure that I trust the person and such because of trauma in my childhood (which is not the reason I am waiting). I also would wait until I was ready for the possibility of getting pregnant. These are just my beliefs and opinions and I don't think it's right for me to force my views on others which is why I say that it's up to the individual.
   
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Re: How Long Should You WAIT before having SEX? - May 17th 2017, 07:08 AM

I agree. Six month atleast would be pretty decent before having some sex.
   
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