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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jess~ Offline
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hook ups? - May 29th 2017, 04:33 AM

so I've had a couple friends with benefits in the past, but there was always at least a bit of friendship there. I think the most distant fwb I've had was just an acquaintance, but even he and I had some deep, open conversations too.

I cut off my last fwb the last week of March. so it's been a couple months since I've had sex. I don't want to say I'm getting desperate, because if I was there are quite a few people I have available, but I'm not necessarily attracted to them. at all.
I've been swiping on tinder a lot and have found that my thoughts have learned more towards "oh my god I wanna sleep with him" rather than "oh my god I wanna date him".

idk why I'm not very interested in dating right now, I guess sits because I've lost a lot of hope and it's just tiring. but right now, hook ups with no strings attached seem pretty ideal.
I mean I don't even necessarily want to feel obligated to text them throughout the next day. I just want a one night stand.

I realize that's extremely easy to get, especially off tinder, so that's not a problem. however, I'm quite terrified about contracting an STD. even with my fwbs, I was never 100% sure about whether they were clean or not until I got tested afterwards.
and yeah, we always had the STD talk beforehand, but any infected guy looking to get laid could probably lie about it. I want to learn how to better have that conversation anyway, but in regards to a hook up, how would I effectively have this conversation and KNOW I'm safe? I don't know what else to do other than ask when they got tested last and whether they're clean or not. if they lie I can't know.
ideally, I would want to ask to see their paperwork and shit. but in terms of a hookup, that sounds like more work than it's worth.

any advice?

i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Re: hook ups? - May 29th 2017, 05:26 AM

It may not be the best advice, but all I can share is my own experience.

STIs are always a possibility, especially in scenarios involving casual sexual contact. Ideally, one would get tested before and after every partner, but even if that's the case some STIs won't test positive until months after it's been contracted (namely HIV). That can be a pretty scary reality: you never know.

All you can do is be your safest. Personally speaking, in addition to my relationship with my long-term partner, I have a lot of casual sex (she knows about it). I go to parties where the express purpose of the party is to hook up with people. In these scenarios, no one really asks what your testing status is. You engage in whatever level of contact you are comfortable with, and if there's going to be genital-to-genital/genital-to-anal contact, people bring their own condoms and use those. I know when I go to these parties I'm taking a risk by not asking each and every person their testing status (and yes, they could lie if they wanted to). I protect myself as best I can by using condoms, which are quite effective at preventing the transmission of STIs if applied correctly.

I also want to point out, though I don't know if it's helpful, that contracting an STI is not a death sentence. Most are curable. Even with the ones that aren't there are good medications to control the infection/manage symptoms. It doesn't mean you can't ever have sex with anyone ever again if you get an STI. While it's no small thing, I think a lot of people depict STIs as this big, scary thing when it really isn't for the most part.

So, long story short, all you can do is be as safe as you are willing to be within the parameters of casual sex. Condoms are pretty effective. Inspect your partner for genital warts or sores if that makes you feel better, though I'd suggest not being incredibly obvious about it. After that, have a good time. That's what is most important: everyone leaves feeling good about the encounter.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Brandon Offline
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Re: hook ups? - May 29th 2017, 05:27 AM

To make a long story short...if you want to screen your partners, you're going to have to be patient, and be willing to cycle through all the B.S. in order to get what you want.

One night stands/hookups are about spontaneity. The fact of the matter is that most guys are probably not *current* with their STD checks; you know this. A guy says he got checked six months ago, but what does that mean? Six months ago, he was good...but what about now? All it could take is one special massage at that local massage parlor and BOOM...he's got an STD.

What it all comes down to is trust and your judgment call. If the dude is upfront about how many women he's been with, if he gets his STD checks regularly, has a little bit of class, then that's all you can pretty much work with. Ultimately, you don't know for sure if he's got something...so you do your research on preventive measures and find someone who meets your criteria.

However, if you want an actual one-night stand and all that, unless the dude has an extremely current STD checking thingy, then you're putting yourself a higher risk. Now...just because you engage in that casual of sex doesn't mean you're automatically going to get an STD, but attempting to screen a guy for STD's while attempting a casual encounter is like...telling a man his penis is "cute." When a man wants to fuck, he wants to FUCK. Some men have lower standards than others, but when a man is determined to get laid NOW...it's all based on assumptions. He, too, is making a judgment call, because no man is willing to have sex with a woman who they think has STD's. We care about our health, as well, but we're...probably more stupid than women are when it comes to preventing bad things from happening.

To make a longer story short...if you want an actual hookup/one-night stand, this man better be so damn sexy that you're willing to take that risk. If he isn't worth the risk, then you best be patient and find a man who understands and respects your point of view before diving into your legs.

Hope this helps.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
del677 Offline
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Re: hook ups? - May 29th 2017, 08:33 AM

Just use a condom.

Then have safe fun.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: hook ups? - May 30th 2017, 04:33 AM

If you are having multiple partners I'd recommended being tested every 8-12 weeks (unless you have symptoms get tested sooner) and use condoms for sex. Condoms protect you from reviving an STI. However, condoms are not 100% in protecting yourself. STI's can happen even if someone is careful and used protection.

You can still have fun and be safe, is to always use condoms and get tested more if you have more than one partner.

You can ask them if they have STIs in the past or current, but most are afraid to admit they had something or have something risking of either judgment or been being turned down. You may have some able to show you a copy of their tests results but they might not. Also, someone doesn't legally need to give out their sexual STI confirmed cases to partners. Unless it is AIDS (or other STIs that you legally bylaw need to release if that is a law in your area). So, most cases you ask them, they may not give that information even if they are in fact completely STI free. I wouldn't pressure someone to give that information out as it would be their choice to share, but if you make it clear that you require that information before sexual activities you may get some who are willing and other not willing.

The most important thing you can do is protect yourself by using condoms and getting testing done.

I would also recommend or try Epsom baths. I recommend this is because sometimes condoms can imbalance the vaginas natural self-cleansing and may irritate the area (especially if you use soap in that area to wash) and may experience discharge which may seem like an STI but can just be a yeast infection, but even if you have symptoms get it looked at. It's something that can help if you have sex with more than one person or have sex a lot.

I hope this is helpful. Be safe.

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