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Sex and Puberty For questions related to sex, puberty, and similar topics, ask here!

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PastelCrayon Offline
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Red face I have alot - July 31st 2017, 02:01 PM

So first off, I have a crush on this boy, I've liked him for two years, and I wanna be more than friends, I need advice on that. Second I have "❤dreams❤" about him and I really like them, Im a virgin, I'm only 12 but is this normal? Like I would totally have sex with him if he asked, is that wrong? Like I really like him, and I just idk.. so just give me some advice PLS! (I am not acctually planning on having sex anytime soon, sorry if it came across that way)

Last edited by PastelCrayon; August 1st 2017 at 02:20 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I have alot - July 31st 2017, 06:25 PM

Hey there.

Okay, firstly you shouldn't be wanting sex so young or needing it. - You can be more than friends with him. Even date, but to want Sex is a bit too far.

Maybe start out slower and lower first there okay?
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Re: I have alot - July 31st 2017, 07:33 PM

Hey there,

Firstly, if you have a crush on this boy and want more I advise that you take time and get to know him. Talk to him in the classes you share. Try and see if you can hang out after school sometime. The more you make an effort to get to know him the less awkward you will feel around him and it might also help you to determine if you'd really like more with him and it might help you get to a point where you can share your feelings with him.

Secondly, no, you wanting sex/fantasizing about him is not wrong or abnormal in any way. There are quite a lot of people who start having these types of thoughts and feelings at your age. A lot of people hide these thoughts from their peers because they are ashamed of them so it is likely that there are some people in your school who are dealing with similar thoughts but aren't comfortable sharing them. You probably aren't alone.

I don't think that you should have sex with this boy though. I personally think that there is plenty of time for the two of you to get into a sexual relationship and you should take time to get to know him. However, if you are set on having sex with him and it gets to a point where you might be able to have sex I would highly suggest that you get on birth control or are certain to use condoms. I don't really think you are old enough to have sex but I know there are some people who have sex at 12 and sometimes younger. If you are going to have sex please take precautions so that you don't end up pregnant or with an STD (you might think that would be impossible at your age but it is not).

The last piece of advice I will give you is that if you make the choice to have sex do it with someone you won't regret. I hear about a lot of people who regret their first time because the person didn't treat them right or because the relationship didn't last. My advice is that you only jump into having sex if you could live with the possibility of the relationship not working out. I waited quite a long time to have sex and when I made the choice to have sex I knew that no matter how the relationship turned out (if we lasted 'forever' or if it ended the next day) I would not regret it. I personally don't think virginity is that big of a thing but I do think that regretting any sexual encounter you have can be damaging to a certain extent. I know plenty of people who regret a few of their sexual encounters and it took them a while to actually accept those encounters and move forward.

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Re: I have alot - July 31st 2017, 08:14 PM

Hey there,

If you're interested in becoming more than friends with this boy, I'd recommend making more of an effort to spend time with him and get to know him better. You can see if he would be willing to go get ice cream with you after school or invite him to hang out somewhere casual, like a park. When you do hang out with him, talk to him more and ask him questions about himself that you would genuinely like answers to. The more you get to know him, the more you'll be able to see if he's a good guy and if he is someone you would like to date.

That being said, I don't think having sex with this boy is the best idea. You're definitely not in the wrong for wanting it or dreaming about it, but 12 is, in my opinion, a bit young to begin being sexually active. There are still a lot of things for you to learn about your own body and topics like having safe sex. I'd recommend simply dating for the time being and seeing if the two of you really are compatible. You can always add a sexual component to your relationship when you're a bit older. However, if you are set on having sex with this boy, please make sure that you use as much protection as possible. Make sure that he uses a condom and, if possible, consider getting on birth control yourself. You might even be able to go to a local Planned Parenthood or free clinic near you to see what resources they have available, both in terms of protection and for educating yourself more about safe sex.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is the right decision for YOU.

Take care,

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Re: I have alot - August 1st 2017, 08:53 AM

"❤dreams❤"are normal. You're entering that age where these things naturally start happening.

(It used to be women started puberty much later, like at 16, but researchers have noticed the age of puberty as been decreasing, and now it's more like 12. They're unsure exactly why. They suspect perhaps its because we have such good healthcare, and we're so healthy. Or, maybe it's something completely different. Who knows. But it's happening. So people 12 years old now face what used to happen several years later when they were a bit older.)

Have fun talking with him!

Get some birth control. Or even better, make him do it. Guys his age always want sex. It's just a curse of evolution that men crave sex with any woman, any time, any where. Turns out that's a good way to spread one's genes, so that insane desire to have sex ended up being insanely strong thanks to evolution. Used to be the only way parents could get their kids to not get pregnant was to scare them into not having sex. It was the only form of "birth control" they have available Fear!

Now we have much better methods of birth control, so you can actually not worry so much about getting pregnant (as long as you actually use the birth control correctly! Not using birth control is the number 1 reason why birth control fails the people fail to use it at the last moment.)

Evolution gave Women urges too. Women however tend to be a bit more picky who they chose to have sex with. This is because historically it was the woman who got pregnant and stuck with raising a child, so the woman is typically looking for a man who will stay around and help raise the child. Now that we have birth control this isn't as much as an issue, but there's still a big difference in the way men and women approach sex. Men beg, women chose.

I can't tell you if you're "too young" to have sex. The people who tend to make the best decisions about this are the ones who are the most educated on the subject and have birth control available to them and have a positive "It's Normal" attitude. (Statistically these are the ones who actually decide to wait a bit longer. Not sure why. They seem empowered by the knowledge and control available to them, which helps relax them, and they make better decisions based on their open feelings, instead of on ignorance and buried feelings.

I'm sure he will enjoy getting to know you. (And he'll probably always have 'sex' in the back of his mind, wondering if he's going to get some. Good people though think of the other person too. He should think of you and care for your feelings and want you to enjoy it too. Otherwise it's just "Everyone for themself. What can I get out of this?" and that attitude tends not to go as far. You'll get much farther if you keep his feelings in mind, and watch to see that he keeps your feelings in mind too.

(Other men are just good at conning a woman into sex in any way they can. Get them drunk. Beg. Offer something in return. Convince them using guilt, pressure, whatever's going to work. They'll try everything. They do everything except really care about you and connect with you. The ones who are often the best are the quiet ones who don't pressure you. They probably have deep feelings.)

You'll be fine (as long as you use birth control if you decide to do it. It's always your choice.)
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Re: I have alot - August 2nd 2017, 04:19 AM

It's normal to have a crush and fantasies, but please refrain from sex. Do not have sex at this age, you will regret it. If you do feel the need to *take care of your needs* masturbation is a safe and healthy way to explore yourself and bring any satisfication you need until you are ready to have sex.
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